A
female
age
30-35,
*oeismeanyou
writes:I've been friends with my best friend for almost 2 years now. We met via PSN (PlayStation Network) and met in person this past November in Washington, D.C when I was visiting family. He's the type of friend that I could always go to when I need someone to talk to and pour my problems to and vise-versa. But as time progressed and still is progressing, I noticed he has no ambition. He mentioned a few times he loves cooking and would love to become a chef one day. He works as a dietary aide and I constantly hear him complain about his job (it gets tiring after awhile). So I suggested him to possibly get some training so he can do such. But, like I said, no ambition. He doesn't want to put forth the work or time, and I'm getting tired of hearing him complain about his current job. What should I do? I feel like this friendship isn't going anywhere. I'm in school and I have a job and moving up in the world and he's still in the same spot where he was when I met him. I tried motivating him, but nothing works. Should I stop being friends with him? What else can I do? Am I wrong for thinking about leaving him behind? P.S- Lately, he hasn't been listening to me at all. I would call him and talk to him about things (mainly important stuff or when I'm upset or sad), but he would to be too busy playing his game or talking to someone else. I've continuously told him that I feel like he doesn't listen and all he does is make excuses and apologies and turns around and does the same thing again.I feel like I'm loosing a friend. So should I just let it go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): Did you come to this site to ask for permission to dump your friend? Hoping we'd instantly take your side, and justify your abandoning a friend; so you'd have a clear conscience? Your life is improving, you're reaching your goals, and you're moving along now. Does this mean his friendship no longer has any value to you? Is that it?
You listed all of his misgivings and flaws. I suggest you read your posts and note how critical you've been. How would you feel, if you read something he wrote about you that was as critical? I think it would hurt your feelings.
Try encouraging your friend and help him to change course.
Be an inspiration, not a critic.
Things are happening for you, and he seems to have lost his direction. Maybe, you could do him good to help him look into some culinary schools; and give him a pep-talk. We know your side, but we don't get to read his.
Don't get conceited, because your accomplishments out-weigh his. You just might end up needing him when things start to slump for you. You will hit a few bumps, and he knows you pretty well. You'll feel bad when you look back, and think of all the hurtful things you've said about him.
Do you think he feels you're looking down on him; because you've been comparing all your accomplishments against his? I think you should read your posts and the answers we've offered you. You're not losing a friend, you want us to tell you why you should dump him. I'll be no part of that.
If he complains too often, say something about it. Cheer him up. Offer him advice and suggestions that can help his life to improve. That doesn't mean tell him what to do like you're his mother. It means let him know you understand and will do everything you can to help him make things better. That's what "real friends" do; and that's what they're for.
A
female
reader, woeismeanyou +, writes (14 January 2015):
woeismeanyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and I left out that he comes to me with his problems as well, more than me at times, and I always have an open ear. When I give him advice, he is quickly to shut them down, like he would make excuses to not to do them. Most of the time, I just listen.
Ps. Hes gay and I'm not interested in him like that.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (14 January 2015):
You guys are both young and have different life paths. Where you might feel like you are behind older people in your life and you have an urgency to catch up, he prefers to be laid back and he will do it when he sees the need.
I think problem sharing and important topics goes both ways as well. You share your life's issues both ups and downs and he does the same. Why are his problems any less than yours?He's your friend, not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to make time for you just to listen to you. I am sure he is listening to what you have to say but that does not mean he HAS to do it.
Technically, it is wrong to leave your friend just because their lives isn't matching up to yours or have the same will power as you. I am also not sure about your views on progression of the friendship....this sounds more like boyfriend/girlfriend stuff because if you left everyone who's path differs from yours, then you'd pretty much have no friends as all. If you have feelings for him, then that makes sense but he still has to find his own path.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): You've outgrown your friend. He's no longer interested in listening, and he's decided to allow his life to stagnate.
It's time to make some new friends. Preferably a few you can hangout with on a regular basis. You have to get out and mingle and hone your interpersonal skills.
By the way, you mentioned you used to discuss your problems with your friend. If all he ever heard from you were your problems, perhaps it's his turn to complain.
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