A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been married for 3 years - we met over the internet and I flew half way across the world to be with him. We got married and have a child (an infant). However, it's been weird between us. We do argue a lot - however, we always seem to be very formal with each other. We're like strangers. A few months after we got married, we started having sex once a month only that i just gave up my birth control - it wasnt worth it. Right now - since our child was born, we haven't had sex at all. I asked him if he still finds me attractive. He said that it's his blood pressure issues he's dealing with - and that it's not my fault at all.However, for some reason, I find myself trying to live in a fantasy of my own. I'm in touch with 2 other guys I met online. They live in my town and we meet. Not exactly an affair - more like real close friends. We did make out at some point though.Those two gentlemen think I'm separated from my husband as I didn't want to ruin my little fantasy by telling any details of my current situation. And, I have no intentions to leave my husband at all. I live a very deceitful life but deep inside I feel it's justified. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I find myself texting one of the two guys every once in a while trying to keep myself occupied with a conversation with one of them so that I don't face my husband who is either playing computer games or just watching tv. I don't consider myself cheating on him - or maybe I am..Any thoughts? Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): My mother done exactly the same thing to my dad, except he thought they had a good relationship, married for many years, etc.. I was in my teens at the time she started having online affairs.. I found out and it seriously messed me up.. I resent her for how she mentally screwed me up. Many a time she'd swear on my life it'd never happen again, but it did, over and over, don't put your child through the same thing throughout their life.
A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Have a talk this is always work, come out with what's inside you. How he will know if you said nothing " men need women to tell".
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A
male
reader, ebecode  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Let me start by reminding u of a saying thus;If love is a dream,then marriage is the alarm clock.you need to need to understand that u are married to someone,and this is some of the challenges facing especially modern marriages,perhaps you married for reasons best known to you,but i'm sure that one of the reason is to have a,happy family life with your husband and kids.pls wake up from yah slumber,wake your husband in d middle of the night and explain to him how u feel,let him know how much you love him and how you would want your marriage to be wonderful,PRAY about it,take very good care of your toddler and have a blissful marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Try to talk to your husband , in a nice way what is bothering you.Did you try new stuff? Make romanti dinners, have some suprises for him a gift with a nice outfit. (Dress up to impress). And leave those other men alone. That is just trouble. Leave other men alone. Remember taking your marriage vows? No 3party aloud. Make a effort and perhaps your husband will make aswell. good luck
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (26 January 2010):
Whats his age? Your age?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Hi there, Im very confused as to what keeps you so convinced you want to stay in a marriage where by your own admission he ignores you, you argue a lot, rarely make love and when you do communicate you are both formal with each other, what are the reasons for you wanting to stay in a relationship that seems to have nothing good going for it? I understand you have a young child so is that your reason?
Im unsure as to what your feelings are for your husband but if you are meeting up with men and fantasising about another life then why are you staying with someone you are clearly not happy with. You have jusitified to yourself that you have reason to meet up with these men and are now just friends with them but by your own admission you have done sexual things with them in the past.
I would be second guessing why you are so sure you want to stay with your husband but one thing seems clear and that is you seem to have met as strangers and stayed strangers. What you yearn for in fantasy relationships seem to be because you lack what you would want in your marriage.
It is entirely up to you whether you carry on in your marriage but if you decide to give up the online relationships then you and your husband need to seriously look at ways to improve your relationship otherwise you will be very unhappy in the future. You are escaping for a reason, rightly or wrongly, but your marriage does not sound healthy at all!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 January 2010):
You're going to walk into a huge mess if you don't end this now. You are cheating. You've met these guys and made out. that's cheating. You need to end contact with these guys and really focus on your marriage again. You say you don't want to leave your husband. Well continue like this and you wont' have to because he'll leave you. Tell him you're unhappy with the way things are at the moment and that you want to fix it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): You are cheating on your husband. Just face it, and it's not justified. Cheating isn't allowed no matter what, if the relationship is that bad you have to get out of it. I am a firm believer in "til death do us apart", but maybe thats not for everyone.
You fail to mention why you love this man, why you flew across the world to see him and why you married him. You portray it like it means nothing to you. Is that really so? This is also the pitchfall of online relationships that turn into real relationships. Everyone who hasn't been in an online relationship themselves always ask: What when you meet, and you both spend so much time online you will not have time for each other?
Is this true in your case? Did you turn back into hanging online and he turned back into playing computer games, because thats how you used to lead your lives up until the point where you met in real life? And now you've fallen back into that routine?
If that is the case it needs to stop right now. You are drifting apart. Time alone is necessary for everyone, but time together is just as important. How much time do you spend together doing any activity versus the time you spend alone?
Just because you have sex less often doesn't mean you can't have a nice and enjoyable time together and be the best of friends, or cuddle etc. If it really is his blood pressure, suggest to go with him to the doctor so you can both hear together what he can and shouldn't do in bed.
And stop hanging online, you have an infant in your house, do you really have time for these affairs? Start doing real life things and understand that this is your reality, and fairly-tale life. Not somewhere online.
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