A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Wondering if you guys could help.Recently I had a chat with my boyfriend regarding his ex (they split up 2-3 years ago) He had a lot of photos on his computer of her (including dirty ones) and was mentioning her by her pet name more than was necessary. I voiced my concern over his feelings for her, and he assured me that there was nothing to worry about, he just didn't realize how bad it sounded. I told him I wanted him to get rid of those dirty pictures (which he assured me he never looked at) and he agreed he would. That was last night.Now I'm back home I'm starting to wonder if I can trust him. He really hurt my feelings with things he mentioned (like her wearing dirty outfits for him) but said he wasn't thinking and was very sorry. Should I mention it again, and ask if he got rid of them? Or even check?I'm pretty sure was collecting photos of her, despite the fact she's with someone else and assures me this stopped last year. He told me there was nothing to worry about and he has no feelings for her, but I don't know whether I'm convinced. I told him that I would not take second place.I feel so hurt and I'm wondering if I will ever be able to get past this. I feel like I'm being eaten alive by jealousy. Am I being silly, and just get over it and trust him? I know he has feelings for me, and he treats me amazingly well. How, if possible, can I move on from this? Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 I wouldn't check, I would start by trusting him to have done as you asked. If you feel a need to check up on him so you can "catch" him in not doing as he promised it will be come a never ending obsession for you. Which honestly isn't healthy.
As for him.. Well You should have nipped it in the bud right at the beginning when he would start talking about her. Though I would just make sure that IF he goes on a "my ex-gf" blah blah speech that you cut it short and tell him you are NOT his ex.
I think keeping pictures from your past is kinda normal (just not the dirty ones really) but I don't think having then where they are easy to access (computer/up on walls) is a good idea for anyone.
Give it a few days without snooping then ask him to show you that he deleted them. Let him earn your trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): I moved in with my boyfriend and we each have our own computers. My computer wasn't set up yet and I accidentaly hit a search key and a ticker of all his documents and photos came up, and the photos were raunchy ones that he took of his prior ex-girlfriends, having sex with them and of his penis. I didn't dare click on the photos to enlarge for fear of leaving a trace, but they were thumbnail sized. I couldn't tell what ex-girlfriends were in the photos. I never confronted him or asked him to delete them because it would look like I was snooping. No doubt he still has them to use for his viewing pleasure or masturbaston.Even though your boyfriend said he would get rid of them, I bet he probably hid the photos in a hidden file deep in the computer or tranferred them to a disc.Is he still in contact with her? That is a deal breaker for me.He sounds like he may be still hung up on her if he is still using her pet name. I was in the same situation.What I don't want you to be is the rebound girl. I feared that it what happened to me. By having me around he was able to forget about her and I was the one that helped him through it. What should have happened was that he should have waited to date until his heart was healed and no girl should have to be his therapist. That's what they have counselor's for.So, if he still has her photos (normal ones are okay) for memories sake. You can't erase someone's past. But if he still calls her by her pet name, still talks about her and maybe is still in contact with her, then he is not over her yet.I would then issue an ultimatum, either her, the one that dumped you, or me, the one that cares about you and wants to have a relationship with you.
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