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I feel like I'm a bad wife because I don't like giving him blowjobs, what can I do to stop being disgusted by them?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 March 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2012)
A female United Arab Emirates age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, Im 24 years old and newly married for 9 months. Our sex life has been great except that my husband really likes for me to give him blow jobs, but no matter how hard i try i feel disgusted to do so.I think the taste/smell is what puts me off.I love him so much that I feel like im failing as a wife in that area:(We have discussed about it and he says he understands if I'm not comfortable to do it, but eventhough he says that I know he secretly wishes I did.so I badly want to give him blow jobs and im trying to find new ways where i can try and do it.like maybe in the shower for starters and let the water running so that the smell/taste wont be that strong.I just want to know does anyone else feel the same way but have managed to come up with a solution?I would really appreciate any suggestions/tips as to how i can get rid of this feeling of being disgusted and give him a good blow job.Thank you so much in advance.

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A female reader, curious1987 Australia +, writes (22 March 2012):

curious1987 agony auntdoing it in the shower, definitly helps, as you can let him cum in the water instead swallowing. alternatively you can just spit it out. i don't always swallow, my guy said as long as i don't stop, he doesn't care if i spit or swallow. also, maybe burn incense round the room and you won't get the smell and you can ask him to let you know when his gana cum, and get him to cum on an old towel instead. good luck sweetie. x

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (19 March 2012):

charliesdevil73 agony auntI'm not a big fan of blowjobs either. I do understand that this is something you want to do for your husband though. When my husband and I were dating, I explained to him why I was not that into giving blowjobs. My main hang ups are the smell and taste. Since he is understanding, he starting trimming his pubic hair and never asks for one after a long day of sweating. He also just takes them as foreplay instead of me finishing him that way.

The way he put it to me, most men would prefer actual intercourse over oral. I would suggest informing your husband you would like to give him blowjobs but let him know what your issues with it are. I'm sure he would be happy to figure out ways to make you more comfortable with it.

Good luck :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012):

My wife hates it, too.

It's not because I have bad hygiene. She just doesn't get anything out of it.

It would be great if she did it, but she won't.

If you don't like it then don't do it. It's that simple.

BJ's are not mandatory.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (15 March 2012):

Odds agony auntThe taste is one thing, but if the smell is bad, he needs to work on his hygiene. Have him trim his pubes and scrub that area better, then blow him right after a shower so he hasn't had time to get all sweaty. You'd be surprised how often men don't even think about that aspect of it, just assuming an ordinary scrub will do the trick (I had to be corrected when I was younger).

As for taste, tell him to drink less caffeine and alcohol (and to stop smoking if he does that), and to eat oysters and take zinc supplements. A healthier lifestyle is better anyway, but I can attest that women are much more eager to please when the man takes steps to make things as pleasant as possible for her. It sounds like he'll be willing to give that a try.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012):

Honey, I am 40 and it took me this long to get comfortable with giving oral sex. My reasons had a great deal to do with my sexual past and how men acted about it. I've had penis's shoved in my face, borderline forced, and the way the guys would talk about blow jobs, just totally turned me off. And then I was exposed to porn and how degrading they appear on screen....it completely took such a wonderful thing to give to a man, and turned it into something dirty and disgusting...but that's different I realize. When I was married (now divorced), my husband did not put enough effort into hygeine, and I would often smell urine and that was a huge turnoff, so that man never got oral sex from me..ever lol. Anyway, I asked my now boyfriend to help me with it, to be patient, all the things to never do, etc., how important hygeine was to me. I do not like the taste of semen either, and one of my top five turnoffs is a guy who smells in his crotch. When a man is really clean, he doesn't taste or smell any different then say, kissing his chest. Don't make a production out of it, and ease into it slowly, maybe lay on his side and gently take him into your mouth, do what is comfortable for you at the moment, and ONLY what you are comfortable with. There will likely be some pre-cum, and if you can't take the taste, give it a few minutes and see if your own saliva is enough to make it less strong tasting. If that doesn't work, just remove your mouth at that point and use your hands and go back again with your mouth if you want. He can surely warn you if he is going to ejaculate or you can do it just for a few minutes and go right into intercourse.

I guess what I am saying is, it doesn't have to be a start to a finish...it can be a foreplay and eventually more down the road when you figure out what works for you to do what you want to do.

There are things he can do to help the situation...make sure he is super clean and smelling sexy wonderful, and I know somewhere there is a site that lists foods that make semen smell strong, but sorry I don't know off the top of my head. Good luck!

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A male reader, landomando United States +, writes (15 March 2012):

solution is simple. Give him a blow job for a little bit and just warm him up. Just make sure, or tell him not to finish in your mouth, then have sex.. I tried to explain this to my gf it was like talking to a wall.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (15 March 2012):

person12345 agony auntWhat if you buy something like a fleshlight for him to finish into (that you would use on him), and you get him close with your mouth? Or use oral as foreplay, and then let him finish inside you? A lot of women don't like the whole finishing in the mouth thing and it doesn't make you a bad wife.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (15 March 2012):

Honeypie agony auntIF you want to try it for his sake, I would suggest 3 things:

1. take a shower together first.

2. buy some flavored edible lubricants. The lube acts two ways, it makes it easier to move your hands and it taste better.

http://www.condom.com/idjuicylube.html

3. Don't try and swallow if the idea seems nasty to you.

(and #4 don't try and take the whole penis in your mouth, just the tip, use your hand for the rest, it makes it a LOT easier).

Also fruits such as pineapple, strawberries and mangoes can flavor a person's "juices" (both men and women) so eating fruit in the morning might make him taste a bit better.

Things such as coffee, red meat, cigarettes can make a person take more .. stale and bitter.

And honey, have a glass of wine before you go at it...

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