A
female
age
51-59,
*race89
writes:I have been married 15 years now and i will be the first to admit i was most of the problem in the marriage due to bi polar and low self esteem but my husband has made it tricky too because he suffers from what they call sexual anorexia. i know that sounds strange and a lot of people dont believe it but if u look it up you will find it. I thought i was doing good but just a few questions here and there but i thought a while ago he said it weas ok to check in on how we are doing and how he feels and thinks how things are going with us as a couple and well to day i asked some questions casue i was curious. i could tell there was somethings on his mind and i asked if he wanted to share or need to make any comments adn he said he is afraid to and i asked if he feels if he ever will make comments with me and compliments like he does with his friends that are girls and he said no then i dont know and he said it is safer for him not to. but i want him to open up and try a little here and there. he says i am not ready but how the heck does he know if im ready when he dosent try. he said i am still doing loaded questions and that is what shows i am not a friend and ready for his thoughts. What the heck are loaded questions? If i dont ask questions how i am doing and how he is feeling on how our marriage is going how will i will never know. with his disease he feels like he never is able to please and dosent feel loved and when i have snooped in the past he writes negative things about me i never did or lied about something so his friends (especially the 3 he likes) would feel sorry for him and i remind you they were lies and he looks for negative. How do i deal and be patient with these games and become secure when he has what he has and has pics of these girls on the computer screen and fb and sleeps in his crushes bed when she " isnt there at work? would love any help on what the heck is loaded questions and how do i not ask questions but know how our marriage is? He says i do a lot of rules and regulations and think black and white. What do i do? Do i look at him as a friend and not a husband and get my self secure and give a crap what he does because he needs his cake and eat it too and he needs me strong to support it and deal with it being that i messed it up and do i need to deal with the fact that i have married a man who will never see me as a friend just a wife with benefits when he wants me and mother of his children? Why the heck is he still here. Shuld i make it easier on him and tell him he can leave cause i seem more like a annoyance then a friend and wife. His friends are single and he talks to them EVERY DAY!!! Dose he want them should i give him a easy out?please help me understand what to do and not do? i am tired of hurting and being confused. he is giving me mixed messages but gets pissed if i want to BECOME MY HUSBANDS BEST FRIENDS AND IGNORE THE STUFF THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!oh and a while ago when we were arguing he said he wanted to be a team and we need to work as a team and when i asked to day if he still wanted to work on being a team he said i dont know. granted i shut him down by that point but how do i move us up? he says he isnt ready for marraige couselling yet cause he thinks we need to work on ourselves more. what does this mean? Am i screwed and stuck in a messed up marriage forever untill he leaves me or should i leave to give him an easy out. he says he wants who he married.
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anorexic, at work, best friend, crush, mixed messages, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Hunni, sounds like there are lots of unresolved issues, both yours and your husbands.
I think both you and hubby would benefit from some relationship or marriage counselling.
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