A
female
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anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend broke up with me because he didn't want to wait till there was enough trust in our relationship to have sex. He has a history of sleeping around and going out with girls who get into bed with guys within the first week of meeting the guy. I told him that in order for me to be able to have sex with him, there has to be trust and we just hadn't been going out long enough for it to be possible for there to be a deep amount of trust built between us yet. I said that once there is that then things will feel more right. Yet despite me tellng him that he constantly tried to pressure me into it through manipulation and sometimes physical force. He dumped me a couple of weeks after the talk I had with him about it and now he is going out with some other girl. this really hurts! how can he just detatch so quickly from me and move on? I feel like I wasn't good enough to keep him. I feel like that if maybe just maybe I was a better person, he would have seen me as worth the wait for sex. I need help dealing with this...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Have had this problem myself, and this guy sounds like a selfish person who doesn't deserve you. Good on you for sticking to your priciples and not sleeping with him just to keep him! If you had done this just to keep him,you prob would feel like dirt in the end, cos he sounds too immature for a serious relationship anyway if he can just walk out on you like that. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and tell yourself this guy does not deserve a nice, strong independant woman like you. There is someone out there who is worth the effort, and you will know when the time is right and when it is the right person. I know it hurts at the moment but as time passes you will start to feel better and will see things more clearly. It is just too raw at the moment. Be kind to yourself and concentrate on you for now. I hope this helps. Take care honey. xxx
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Hi, you've just had your first brush with a totally self-centered Jerkimus maximus. Note the use of manipulative behavior and physical force to try to make you do things you are not prepared to do, because you may encounter this type of 'charmer' again. They are to be avoided, no matter how charming and handsome and sweet they are at first. They are users and they succeed because they convince their victims that this is normal and acceptable behavior. It is not.You thinking about yourself as not being 'good enough' for him, and this is backwards, actually he is not good enough for you to waste even one more second doubting yourself. He couldn't be bothered to wait to get to know you better and build up the trust because he was going to destroy it anyway. At least you held firm to your principles and can hold your head high. Good for you!He can detach so quickly because he never actually gets attached in a true sense to a girl. He's selfish, plain and simple, and is only thinking of himself and what he can get out of a girl. That's it. He'll try to be charming and considerate, but it's all fake, as you unfortunately have found out.Chin up, stand tall, you have chosen the best way to proceed in a relationship. Trust, mutual respect, patience are keys to a successful partnership.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): How old are you?
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a nasty guy.
It doesn’t sound like he really cared about what you wanted or what was important to you.
He was just in the relationship to please himself.
I’m very happy that you didn’t give into his manipulating and that you were able to fight him off when he got physical. It was so wrong. You are so much better off without this man. He sounds like a pig.
Don’t think that you were not worth waiting for. It wasn’t you at all. He wouldn’t wait for anyone. He only wanted one thing, and it wasn’t you sweetheart it was your cherry. It’s not YOU who needed to be the better person. It was him. Trying to physically force someone into sex is disgusting, absolutely disgusting. A man like that is not worth having around. What a bully.
You waited for the right reasons and you were right to do so… You felt as though you couldn’t trust him yet… You were right.
Do not punish yourself because of what a horrible person he was.
There are so many men out there that would be willing to wait and who would like you for who you are (which includes your beliefs about your body and sexual relations).
Just be thankful that you didn’t think that you had found own when you clearly hadn’t.
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (29 May 2008):
i'm sorry, this guy is really not worth it. You are worth more than that. I know it sounds harsh, I'm in the midst of a break up myself, but I have to tell you the truth.
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