A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I just started dating this guy I've liked for a really long time. He's 17 turning 18 next month and I'm 14 turning 15 in July. I know it's a huge age difference but I do really like him and according to his friends (who are also my friends), he really likes me too. And he tells me that all the time. We started dating very recently and the most we've done is kiss. I like it that way and I think he does too. He's not pressuring me to do anything with him or anything like that at all! But, for some reason, I do feel pressured to take things to the next level. Note that he has not done anything with a girl before so it's not like I'm jealous or anything. I just for some reason feel like I need to do something with him. Does this make me a bad person? Why am I thinking this way?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Your not a bad person, and yes you can date an 18 year old, but you can't have sex until you are legal. He will get in trouble and you will feel bad when you are older. Many women who have sex young later regret it, as SoVeryConfused points out.
If this guy is a decent guy, he will wait, he knows you are young and he likes to be with you, he isn't there for the sex. He can be happy with just kissing. If he's not decent and onl wants the sex, then he'll keep talking about it, nagging and pushing, he'll put his hands in places which feel uncomfortable to you.
Why do you feel the need to do something for him. Well it sounds like you love him. You want to make him happy, so you've worked out that older guys like sex, and to make him happy you have to give him sex. NO! You shouldn't make him happy in this way, there are other things to do, which won't get him trouble with your parents or the police. He likes you and he can wait, so find another way to please him, and make sure it's not sexual.
Not all men are sex crazed beasts, they can be gentlemen and wait for the woman (or girl) to be ready. They know love is more than sex, and this is something that you must really learn before you get hurt by the unwanted consequences. Sex at your age is illegal, save some money and get him a nice present, that will make him smile.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Sweetie, feeling pressure is normal. BUT I’m going to BEG you not to do it. NOT as a mom. NOT as an agony aunt but as my OLD 14 year old self… DO NOT give into this pressure… especially with a boy his age.
ONCE he turns 18 in the USA if you guys are sexual and your parents find out they can press charges and he will go to jail and be branded a sex offender for life. I know this will happen I’ve seen it in real life with someone.. the man is now nearly 40 and something he did when he was 19 will haunt him for the rest of his life.
I am a big supporter of age gap relationships for adults. THERE is a huge difference between 14 and 18 and I wonder and worry about why an 18 year old man wants to be with a 14 yr old girl…. Seriously sweetie… think long and hard about this.
Do your parents know you are friends with him? Do they know you are kissing him? Do they approve?
DO NOT let pressure from you or your friends or him to make your decision for you. Yes you want to do more…your body thinks you are ready… it feels good… but in the long run (like when you are 30) you will look back and may regret what you did at 14/15…. I know there are things I would have done differently…
PLEASE think long and hard about this and do not give into any pressure..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Group pressure. You think you need to do more because you probably heard of other girls who did more, so you think you also should. Well don't. You and him just started dating, you are underage so sex is off the table anyway.
How about you take things to the next level when the time is right? If you rush things you risk losing him. The next level could be for him to meet your parents, or go on holiday with your family. Or for him to have dinner at your house, or you to have dinner with his family etc. Then you move on to possibly celebrating big occasions together, such as birthdays and Christmases. There doesn't have to be sex for things to go to the next level.
Do activities together for now, hold hands, and kiss. But take things slow and do them when the time is right. Bake him a cake or cook him dinner one time if you have an urgent need to DO something for him.
Other than that, I think your need to do something for him might also come from your feelings for him. You are in love, and you want to do everything, bring back the moon on a silver plate if you must, to keep him. But calm down. Excessive love declarations (or offerings) are known to scare people away. Go slow.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 February 2012):
 No it doesn't make you a bad person and it's understandable for you to feel pressure. BUT that doesn't mean you have to give into that pressure. You're not legally able to consent to sex, so if you do have sex he could get into a lot of trouble. If he cares for you, he will wait until you're ready (and of age).
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (27 February 2012):
 No it doesn't make you a bad person. Its only natural that you want to try new things. Just remember that it is illegal to have sex with a minor (under 16) and he could end up in real trouble!
It's good that he isn't pressuring you into anything either, if he cares, he will wait.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (27 February 2012):
 You're not a bad person, But he is too old for you. Especially right now at your age. You are still in school and he is going out into the world. You should not go any further with him, because it will be a very complicated time for you. Not to mention he could get into a lot of trouble for being with you once he turns 18.
It is best to cool things down and find a boyfriend closer to your age, who is still in school. You will have much more in common with a boy closer to your age. There is nothing wrong with waiting to go all the way. Don't ever feel pressured by other kids to do things. Just stay in school, get good grades and rise to the top.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Honestly? No. You shouldn't do anything with him. There is a huge age difference at your age, and the change in mindset you will gain over the four years till you become eighteen will put your whole life in perspective. I did something similar and fooled around with a guy I was dating; he was nineteen, I was fifteen; which is now something I deeply regret and feel disgusted by for my foolishness. It's something you will probably look back on in remorse, not because of your age, but because of how short a time you two have been dating.Do not just sleep with people because you feel you should. Never do anything at all if you only feel you should. Do not let yourself be pressured into anything, no matter how nice he seems about it, or whether or not you two are virgins. You think this because society tells you to. Friends laugh and tease because you haven't 'done it' yet, but they are the petty ones for sleeping with people so easily. You are sensible for wanting to wait; do not let yourself ever think any differently.
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