A
female
age
36-40,
*dontKnoY
writes:I just graduated college a couple weeks ago. While I was in college I had a few guy friends, but I never had a boyfriend. There was one particular guy that I messed around with for about 2 years. I loved spending time with him and I loved beening with him physically. I really feel like I am in love with him, but I feel a little confused about if it is love or if it could just be lust. Since the two years I have been with this particular guy. He has never been my boyfriend and he has always messed around with other girls. I think I mainly stick around with him because I cant let him go. I know that I should, but I just cant. One time he stop talking to me for a while for some other girl and I went into a state of depression. I couldnt eat or sleep. I lost a lot of weight and could barley function. Now that I have graduated I am over a 200 miles away from him. He is still in college and now that school has started back he never calls me or texts me. I always have to find him and even when I do he always says he is busy. I hate this and I really dont know what to do. I sometimes find myself crying at night because I am lonely and I miss him a lot. Plus I also feel like he is having sex with other females and I am very jealous at this point. I feel like I need to leave him alone, but I cant. I really dont know what I should do...Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Yes, you are confusing lust with love. All of us women do that - we're wired that way, and can't help it. If he's not into you, you've got to ask yourself if you really want to call and text him and get a non-caring response over and over again... each time re-opening an old wound. If he's not into you, it's not about how can you remold or re-invent yourself to win him back.
I'm not the kind of girl who would suggest that you chase the guy - it lowers your value, as old-fashioned as it may seem, and yet this site is filled with women who do give chase and then are never really sure they were picked and chosen above all others -
I know you're obsessing over him. I know it hurts, and hurts, and hurts... I know you can't believe he doesn't care. I know you thought you had something special and precious together.
Take one day at a time. Realize that you can't MAKE someone love you if they don't. Realize that chasing him will only hurt you more and drag out this pain. Realize that a man who really will love you is probably waiting to meet you, and that each moment you spend lacerating yourself over Mr. Wrong keeps you from finding Mr. Right.
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