A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you do if you were born with a surname that you feel you weren't meant to have and it's making you miserable?I've loved Latin stuff all my life, and always wished with all my heart that I were Latin. Ever since I can remember, I've loved flamenco, the Spanish language, cumbia, everything associated with the latin countries. One day as a kid, I told my mom that I wished there were a magic spell that would make me latin, and my mom told me about my ancestors from Spain. At first I was VERY happy.But then I got older and found out about surnames and how they represent you... and my happy little bubble burst. I went back to feeling bad about myself because I got stuck with a surname that spoiled everything. I don't consider Williams to be my "real" name because I just don't identify with it... but I don't know how to explain that to people when they ask my name. I just know I was meant to be a González or a Martínez or something. I know those are common names, but I don't care. I just want a beautiful name. It's so embarrassing to map myself onto a surname that implies that I'm descended from carnival workers, horse thieves, and slave dealers. I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't think of Wales as sexy or romantic. What bugs me even more, I hear the name Williams and think of some redneck in a muumuu with no front teeth. It's so embarrassing to be asked what my last name is. I feel angry and depressed all the time because I feel like I have the heart and soul of a Hispanic person, and the surname makes me feel ugly... it makes me feel less latin. It makes me feel like some uneducated white trash hick. I hate it when I meet some woman who gets to use a Spanish surname just because her husband is Latin. I especially hate it when the woman can't even speak good Spanish. It makes me feel angry and resentful to see another woman get a beautiful last name she doesn't deserve. I speak perfect Spanish, and I have Spanish blood, and I feel like I deserve it more. It just makes me crazy that if I were to use a Spanish name, I would get in trouble, but some other woman gets patted on the head for using a Spanish name. Why the hell should a woman get preferential treatment for being married. I'm so sick of feeling angry all the time, and feeling badly about myself. I feel like I'll never be truly latin because I was born with the wrong surname, and I just wish there WERE a magic spell or something that would make me latin... but I know that's wishful thinking and there isn't.How can I stop being angry all the time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Prehaps if you worked on relating to and appreciating american culture as much as you do latin culture, you would not feel like you don't belong.
I would not be so welcoming toward a person who came to my workplace moping because they could not be at the workplace at which they really wanted to be.
Maybe you should work on yourself and how you treat and idetify with those around you. They are likely to accept you on a much higher level.
No one cares what your last name is. I think you're being a bit dramatic, honestly.
My hubby's brother is very fluent in spanish and is attracted to foreign girls more than his own race, and owns a business where he hires many hispanic people for construction. They all love him and "identify" with him perfectly. I don't believe it's other poeples' fault or your last name that makes you not belong. I believe it's our resentment and pointless, meaingless anger that you hold, and the way that all of that, as a results, makes you treat people.
~SY.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): That's the point, I feel like I have the heart/soul of a latin person and I got born the wrong ethnicity by accident.I think that many people have misunderstood what I meant to say, it could be the way I worded it. People need to belong... they need that very, very badly... and it sucks to feel like you don't belong anywhere. That's what I meant to say in my message. I have Spanish heritage and would like some sort of a link to those roots because it means a lot to me. I've always identified with latin culture more, I was raised in American culture, and I feel like I belong to neither. I often feel very alone because I'm looked upon as an outsider wherever I go. I was raised in American culture but never identified with it and never felt a sense of belonging or acceptance, and always had a feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere else.In Latin culture, I feel like I belong and I feel accepted, but I'll always be seen as an outsider... I feel like I don't belong anywhere!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): No, I didn't mean to judge! I'm just pointing out that it's unfair that I would get in trouble if I just started using a Hispanic name, even though I feel like I should have one because I speak Spanish and have Spanish blood. I've met other women that get to use a Hispanic surname just because they're married, and I think, that's just not right... if they can do it, I should be allowed to do it too.
It's just unfair, because I'm really proud of my heritage and my ability to speak the language and I resent being forced to use a surname that negates all of that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): "What's in a name? A rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."
All that matters is who you are, how you treat people, what your morals and values are, and how you represent those.
But at the moment, you're being a bit insulting, don't you think?
Nobody is judging you by your name. Only your words and actions.
~SY.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): You've asked this question before and people told you to get your name changed and you said you were going to do it. It's not complicated and people do it all the time through marriage or just on their own. So you're aren't Latin, big deal. There are people that have cancer, AIDS, mental illnesses, crippled, and would probably give anything to have their health and you are upset you weren't born a certain ethnicity. Get off your arse and do something about it and change your name.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): hey! i'm glad to see someone appreciates the latin culture as much as you do. well, you'll never be hispanic, but there's nothing that says you can't immerse yourself in everything latin and enjoy it!
it's not about skin color, you know.
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