A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy and we were both in Biology in college. We instantly hit it off, but I was afraid that getting into a relationship atm would make my parents think he was distracting me from school, and thus not like him. So we decided to wait until the quarter ended for eachother and pursue a possible relationship. In the meanwhile we talked everyday on the phone and it was really hard for us to try to stay away from eachother during that quarter. So the quarter ends and I am so excited that we finally get to be together and not worry about school. He asks me on our official first date (even though we've studied together and hung out a bit during school) and I was positive he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon. But weeks went by and I was confused to why he hadnt asked me yet even though we were both eager. One day I just crashed and cried infront of him asking what he was waiting for. I thought once school was over he would of jumped to the opportunity to make me his girlfriend finally. I was crying on the phone and then we hung up. A while later he made a skype just for me and video calls me this giant drawing and a message he wrote asking me to be his girlfriend. 1 year later and we're still together, but I just feel sad whenever I think about the day we became official. I feel like forced him into asking me and thats not how I wanted it at all. It seemed so forced. What can I do to find peace? I feel so guilty and I dont even know if he wanted to ask me then. If i hadnt had said anything we probably would of asked me on his own terms.maybe im still curious to why he was waiting so long. or how he feels about the way he asked me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): you basically did guilt trip him into being your bf, or at least your definition of boyfriend. See, he could have already seen you as his gf but didn't view it as needing to do all these over-the-top romantic gestures or make official pronouncements. "One day I just crashed and cried infront of him asking what he was waiting for. I thought once school was over he would of jumped to the opportunity to make me his girlfriend finally. "whoa....so you said nothing to him about what was troubling you and what you were expecting him to do just kept it bottled up and then one day just totally had a meltdown at him blindsiding him?? that's really unfair to him.You should learn to get your emotions under control, AND learn to communicate openly and honestly and stop assuming the other person can read your mind. I mean, obviously you were bewildered and troubled that he hadn't done the things that you wanted him to do and that's legitimate. But instead of seeking to understand his point of view and where you stand with him (which would give you an insight into why he was or was not doing certain things), you instead assumed that he "should" know what you are thinking and what you expect him to do, and you assumed he was feeling a certain way, and you kept these ideas to yourself not saying anything to him until it bothered you so much then you had a meltdown out of the blue. this probably blindsided him. If this is a pattern in your relationship it can and will spell trouble in the future on other issues.you could always ask him how he feels about this relationship, but if you want him to be honest you have to make the atmosphere 'safe' for him to say things that will upset you. That means you need to display more open communication, and you need to dial tone the emotionality. So the first thing is you want honesty from him so you need to demonstrate to him that you can handle your emotions in a calm and non-threatening (to him) way. He has to feel that it's safe for him to say how he really feels even if it's not what you want to hear. How else can you know that if you do hear something positive, that it's sincere and not just said to avert a blindside meltdown?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2012):
 ya know you could have just asked him... why did HE need to ask you?
so basically you asked (albeit in a round about way)
and he accepted.
My husband told me that I had to propose to him. SO I DID. he accepted. The END is the same... we got married (and for what it's worth he proposed on bended knee as part of his vows... and I HAVE IT ON VIDEO) He doesn't love me any less because I proposed.
Your boyfriend is not any less your boyfriend because you asked him....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2012):
 Honey, if you think HE might have had doubts, then sit him down and TALK to him.
Tell him HOW you feel. That you feel he "only" asked because you freaked out.
My guess is, he ALREADY thought you were his GF and he was your BF. He didn't know he had to ask. BUT you won't know til you ask him.
And in the future, TALK to him - don't ASSUME.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Don't worry about it. If he really didn't want to, he would have probably just started ignoring you, stopping contact.
If you are happy now it doesn't matter and it would never have lasted a year if he was just with you because he felt guilty. Stop worrying about it, one day you might look back laugh.
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