A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear friends,im in a ldr with an awesome girl, she is in germany and im in canada, i met her when she was taking a working holiday in canada for a year. i love her to bits and i belive she does too, we have been together only for 6 months, but in short period of time i have flown to visit her 2 times, we have had a short getaway in the states and im planning to be with her for christmas with her family.we have a 12 year age gap, she is 21 and im 33, she is very mature for her age, i have a good job (which i hate, but is very well paid and im doing it only for her) and honestly i cant see myself anymore without her.the problem is...is very painful for me not being able to be together and is becoming very expensive to visit her, she doesnt know anything but so far i have spent around over 11 grand and next holiday will be around another 4. its draining my savings.she is german on not to much expressive, but she is making a great effort to change that for me as i am a clingy or needy person, i grew up in a very affectionate family. but is not enough. she doesnt txt that much and in 6 months i have never had a call from her. im always the one calling, texting, skyping and saying words like i love you or i miss you. sometimes she does that too, only sometimes. so far like 4im sure she loves me as she has introduced me with all her friends and with her mom, they live together.she refuses to change her fb status as in a relationship with me or make any comment on my pics or profile, and by my clingy nature and due to the distance i need reassurence constantly, but i say nothing because i dont want her become tired of me. she is my everything but my problem is that im feeling like im the one who carries all the weight of this relantionship on my shoulders. i do everything to keep her interested and i belive im not getting a fair return. when she is with her friends she puts me after them, she doesnt want to spend christmas with me in canada because she promised her mom she they will be together. i dont have any family in canada, just a very few friends. i want to keep going in this relation because my heart tells me she is the one, but i dont know how long more i will afford to keep this pace, financially and emotionally. what to do? i dont know, my friends are biased so i cant ask for advice, what should i do to be happy? any comment, suggestion or advice will be greatly appreciated. happy thanksgiving :-)
View related questions:
christmas, I love you, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni had a talk on skype with her yesterday and asked her if our expectations of us being together are realistic, she said she still wants to try and doesnt want to break up, she told me she would move to canada in a year and a half. it will be difficult but i agreed to wait for that long, after all a year and a half is not that bad. she said she loves me very much but still she has her issues about not being affectionate or expressive, i wonder why....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): Happy Thanksgiving to you too :-)
Long distance relationships really sucks. You have to keep in touch if you want to maintain it, however if she is really into you, she will have to work with you, two people have to work hand in hand if they are willing to continue this realtionship. Most important if you both know of sure you are right for each other, one of you will have to relocate asap. Germans love Canada, I have friends in Germany and they love Canada and USA. You say you have a good job you don't like but is a good decent job, where as you "girlfriend" seems to be still looking for a good job. It's good that she introduced you to her friends and family and yes Christmas is very important to spend with her family but it's not fair that you are the one travelling, calling, texting, skyping and spending your savings. Calling from Germany is not expensive it can be as low as 3 cents per minute, if she can't offered long distance calls then Skype is free and emails are free. I would agree with Miz7 you need to talk to her, let her know how you feel and ask her how she feels about you. Try to keep yourself busy if you could so that you don't come across as needy or clingy, give her the chance to miss you, I know it is easier said than done but again it's not fair for one party to do all the work, you know what I mean?
As for Christmas it seems you will have to spend it with your friends in Canada, or if you have family in US why don't you spend Christmas with your family? I hope this really helps, Good Luck and all the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): How sad that you have to fall inlove with sb so far away? Atleast if she was closer so you could easily determine if she has much feelings for you as you do for her.
from your explanation however it seems that she needs to make more effort. She should initiate more contact if she misses you. Could it be that now she's back in her comfort zone she doesnt need you much anymore?
your relationship is still young but there are serious issues you need to address. You cannot keep travelling when she cant openly commit ie on facebook. Who is she hiding that from? Its not wise to squander your savings like that for trips to someone who doesnt seem very sure about you.
i doubt she can move to canada for your sake. And are you willing to lose your good job and move to germany? You cant circle around these issues; you both need to call a spade a spade and decide on the way forward.
it might be painful but its better to realise sooner than later that maybe this wasnt meant to be. You can find a nice loving girl right there in canada. The other one is back home and is certainly living her life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miz7  +, writes (22 November 2012):
Have one deep talk about how you feel disconnected, I wouldn't mention the Facebook part it doesn't seem important (my opinion). But yes communication is needed for ldr, I wouldn't visit her anymore til she improves on that so you guys have the emotiona/deep love connection to decide to marry/live with eachother... Thus living with eachother no more expensive travel expenses :)
...............................
|
