A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The man I’m dating looks at a lot of porn . (I’ve seen it when I visit his home ) it’s just glamour model after glamour model and women way out of his league . Much younger and models . It makes me think he’s dating me only because I’m all he can get not because I’m what he truly wants . For me he’s exactly what I want physically and I often have thought of a man just like him physically Is this relationship worth pursuing , or is it better to hold out for a man with more realistic interests in women. I know people say it’s just fantasy but it would be nice to be with someone who considered more mature chubby women like myself worthy of fantasing about too. I just feel like a second prize and that I’m being used as a bit of a sex toy whilst he imagines them
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2019): You'll be disappointed and frustrated with a man who consumes a lot of porn. All his sexual-energy will go to masturbation.
He may fantasize with porn, but he also may have realistic tastes. It doesn't mean he's settling for you; with such a contrast as you've described yourself. Your heart loves what it loves; but it doesn't always choose what the imagination dictates, although we may try to get our dream match. The person we fall for may not be exactly what some might expect.
You'll get tired of knowing that's the kind of stuff he chooses for entertainment; and your post is evidence you're not secure enough to handle any of it.
It's better to have someone you're certain that he really cares for you; and finds you sexually-attractive for who you are. Then you don't have to have mental-images or visions of all those trashy models and porn skanks in your mind.
If you can't get that out of your head, then he's the wrong guy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2019): honestly don't worry. what people enjoy in porn and what hey want in a relationship are not the same. What men view as hookup material and marriage material are not the same. He may get horny and want to watch porn but we would never view those women as marriage material.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019): Hi!I just want you to know that you're a beautiful woman, don't let these unrealistic standards of beauty and its expectations ruin your positive self image. Coming to your concern, you are over-thinking about the entire situation. I agree with the previous answer posted here. Just to cite you an example: My husband has tons of images of sexy female celebrities glued on the walls of our study room. Now, had he married me because those celebrities were out of league or was I second best option? Of course not, he loves and respects me for who I AM, so I'm his wife. To the second issue, why would you date a porn-addict man? He will set unrealistic goals for you, which will further ruin your confidence. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Seek something meaningful. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2019):
 So why are you with him?
The only one MAKING you feel inferior here, IS you. However HIS actions (watching a LOT of porn) doesn't seem like something you want in a partner, so again... WHY are you with him?
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A
female
reader, Mysterium +, writes (5 March 2019):
Hello!
Well to be honest, Porn is really just all about fantasy. It’s unrealistic. I don’t really think you have to compare yourself to these models or younger women. You’re beautiful exactly the way you are and what is key is that you start believing that and be comfortable in your own skin. There are all shapes and sizes out there and It’s got nothing to do with anyone.
If you do not get a good feeling with him when you’re together, then this is not worth pursuing. It’s not about him, it’s about you and how you feel. If you feel under appreciated, then talk about your feelings to him. You’ll know what’s up.
X
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