A
male
age
30-35,
*eelowHeights
writes:Hey everyone. I'm in need of help, I feel my relationship is in serious trouble. Okay so basically I've been with this girl for a year and a bit now and well to be quite honest it's been the best year of my life. We met PURELY out of chance and she is the definition of "perfect" for me, I couldn't believe my luck when I discovered she had feelings for me. I'm 18 she is 19 and we've had a wonderful relationship filled with love and affection. I am finishing up school and she is finishing up her gap year and is going to a Tafe roughly 300km away from here next year. I don't know what I'm doing yet. Two weeks ago she was stressing hard about who to move in with next year (her sister originally was going to but has since backed out for unknown reasons) and this caused us to have an argument about being together next year. She does not believe we will be together next year and well it is hard to take. Before this she said she loved me and I said I loved her too, every day. We would have sex and do everything that we had always done. After this day (its been nearly 3 weeks) It has been one giant roller coaster. She has not told me she loved me for 3 weeks (I haven't said it to her because when I do I get no response..) and we haven't had sex since then because that day she just simply sparked a feeling to not do it with me ever again. However. Since then the relationship has continued.. as if as normal.. still holding hands, me still sleeping over and still kissing. We still snuggle and she acts as if NOTHING is wrong and last night when i was ontop of her as I was getting up she said "You'd like that wouldn't you" in a teasing way... Now it might seem she is playing me, but this is not the girl. She would never cheat and believes she just wants to be SINGLE to concentrate on starting a new chapter of her life. She has never lied to me and there is nobody in her life now that would be potential for infidelity.We had a massive fight about this today which festered over something small that had nothing to do with our relationship (there was dog **** in her sisters car that was on my foot.. her sister acted inappropriately and I took offense to it not apologizing even though I have since shampooed the carpet and mats that were stained) and she told me straight out she does not love me anymore since the Saturday 3 weeks ago. Now my graduation formal is this Saturday, we plan on going together and then the next day I am away for a week in another state on a Holiday. Tomorrow we are going on a car trip to get my shoes.I ask you. If she didn't love me why would she act like she does? Is she trying to just make the inevitable breakup next year easier for herself? I need advice guys, she is moving away next year and I will be stuck here with all of the memories of our relationship which started in this town. It hurts so bad, I'm not eating or sleeping because of this stupid roller coaster ride and mixed signals. I don't have the balls to break up with her as I still believe there is still some of the relationship to be had until she moves away.I know I'll meet someone else later in life and this is bound to happen many times but I really don't know how I can cope with loosing her.
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infidelity, kissing, spark, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 That's completely understandable that you would want someone to talk to, it is always better than bottling things up. But it really is a lesson to be learned that when you are in a relationship you should also have platonic friendships in your life. Sharing your life with just one person really is not healthy, especially now that it is over. But just because you have no friends at the moment does not mean you never will. Look at joining a club in your area. Pick up a new hobby and give yourself a chance to get out there and meet new people.
A
male
reader, SeelowHeights +, writes (22 November 2011):
SeelowHeights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I guess I just need to get out and get my mind off of it, the only problem is I have nobody now. I wouldn't say I was dependent on her for emotional support, I wasn't, I was fairly solitary when not with her and I never really needed much emotional support during the relationship except for a couple of minor things. This lead me to not develop relationships with other people in my life (friendships) as I was either doing stuff by myself or spending time with her. This has left me with nobody to turn to now that I am at this bottomless pit and cannot seem to rise up from it in any way. I know its only early days, but I just want someone to be there for me. I have no immediate family who will offer me anything, no friends to offer me anything either. This is hard because I find I'm venting online, to strangers who are not actually here in front of me. Not that thats bringing any responses from anyone. I just need someone to talk to.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 November 2011):
I am sure you have heard it before but time is the only thing that will heal you, so just take some time out and grieve for the end of the relationship. Then keep yourself busy and occupied. Go out with friends and just distract yourself as much as you can, remain strong.
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A
male
reader, SeelowHeights +, writes (21 November 2011):
SeelowHeights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we broke up yesterday. I am lost and numb, don't know what to do. She lives up the road and admits feeling the same grief as I do. Everything reminds me of her, this is so hard. I packed up all of the things she gave me and put them away. I know when I'm over her I will be too far distant to appreciate these things again. This whole neighborhood and my house is haunting me.
I feel a large void, helpless, this sucks
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 November 2011):
Believe me you will cope, after you give yourself some time, I don't understand if she is intending to break up with you and has told you that she does not love you any more I don't understand why you don't be the man that you are stand up to her and tell her that if that is the case then there is no longer any point to the relationship. Stop letting her walk all over you. Be strong and have a talk with her, be honest with yourself if she does not love you and plans to break up with you well then there is no point prolonging the pain, and I do not see how you could be happy in the relationship knowing this.
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