A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am dating my bf for 2 1/2 years. I have issue with my bf keep close contact with his ex. Him and his ex has been together for 20 years (divorced 8 years) but still keep close contact with each other almost everyday which he claimed is because of their son (early teen). His son lives with him so his ex comes in and out of his house almost everyday and she claimed that is her house too. They call each other almost everyday along with his son tells his mom what's going on at the house. His ex is still under his auto insurance policy along with other accounts. He is very busy with his work, he only work around his ex's work schedule to see me. He is still attends his ex's family events and gatherings whom he said they are his family too. He attend his son's activities together with his ex as like they are married couple.His ex is very jealous of us and said many negative gossip about me ever since we are dating. So me and my bf are like a secret lover and he acted like a "cheating husband" to avoid drama by his ex.He said he has nothing deal with his ex. All the phone calls and emails and seeing his ex are all are related to his son. He told me he loves me and he wants to be with me. But he is not willing to voluntary make plans or arrangement to spending time with me. He will only see me at his spare time, or whenever his ex has his son. Even when we are together, his son calls and wants him immediately, he will leave and be his son for any reason. I expressed my concerned about this issue to him but he said he loves me and wants to be with me forever. I love him too and I don't want to give up our relationship. But I don't see too many actions from his end and I feel that I am just a spare lover in his life. I always have a doubt that he will go back with his ex since he had done that once 3 years ago and didn't work out.Any suggestions to keep this relationship??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ElenC +, writes (21 January 2011):
RUN AWAY!
The fact that he won't make special plans or time to spend time with you does not mean much. Most guys are completely oblivious to this.
However, his ex beign around so much is unacceptable. If it were the other way around the guy would be ready to punch the ex for coming around so much claiming a house that he does not live in is still his.
The son excuse is lame. Being civil is good, but that does not mean go out of your way to spend family events with your EX!!!
That's crazy. 2 1/2 years is a long time, but you better leave now than stay with him for another year only to find out he's getting back with his ex.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 He can't break away from his ex can he? You could understand to a certain extent that his son will still need him,but he's not even broken the financial ties with his ex, what's that all about? You shouldnt have to be his secret either. What is the hold the family has on him that he has to pretend that you don't exist. Something not right here at all. Tell him to come to you when he is free. Because he is not free at all.
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (21 January 2011):
 so he said he loves u and want to be with u forever.aawww lol. ive heard that too many time what a crock of ********************** did he give you a ring, dose he make special time for u, nooooooooo. he dosent . he has his ex and his son right where he wants them and you in the middel of all of this run while u can girl. best of luck .thers more fish in the see.AK
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 January 2011):
I gather that your boyfriend is quite a bit older than you are. From your description, it sounds like he's using you. His ex wife should not be that involved in his daily life. I know, as I have an ex wife myself and we do have a child together. If this man truly cared for you he would make you more of a priority. Instead, it sounds like he takes you for granted or treats you more like a mistress than a girlfriend. To me it sounds doubtful whether this relationship has the potential for what you want out of it, as an older man should know what he wants and be willing to act on it. Best of luck!
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