A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I feel like his relationship with his mother is unusual (mostly on her part). When I first met his mother I thought she was very nice and apparently she thought the same of me. I am a very friendly person naturally so meeting her was a breeze. As I got to know her better I noticed very strange reactions on her part toward my relationship with her son. For instance, when I would talk about the future (which obviously I see him in it and naturally so should she, you would think) she would respond in a singular way, as in, "YOU should totally do this or that in YOUR future." I always felt like she would throw these backhanded comments to give the message to me that I am not that important to her son as I think I am...While it bothered me and right away it raised red flags I just swept it under the rug. What else am I supposed to do? But she started making a lot more little comments like these that in my gut made me feel like I had competition, or that I felt like a threat to her. And it made me uncomfortable.Then she started getting full on involved in my life and her son's life. Constant meddling, especially regarding me and what I was doing. I feel like she was trying to just find something she could criticize about me and hold against me. I told my boyfriend if he wanted to be treated like a 12 year old and allow his mom to meddle that's on him but I am an adult and I will not tolerate that. I don't tolerate it from my own parents who raised me, why should I tolerate it from her? When I lost my job I found out that she was telling her son to break up with me bc I didn't have my "shit" together. I have never heard of something so callous, when your friend/family/or lover is going through a hard time is when you MOST should be there for them. She even went around saying I was just using her son for money. The crazy thing about it is he has no money! That was the turning point when I put everything together and I knew right then and there there was something terribly wrong with this woman. He and I ended up moving cross country together 3000 miles away from his family, and she was livid that he moved out here with me. But obviously I don't care what she thinks. But I mean so so livid that she went around saying that her son doesn't really love me, that she knows deep down he just feels sorry for me and he's such a nice person that he is just trying to be there for me since I am so helpless and useless and crazy. Then she looked up my dad's number in the yellow pages (who'd never met this woman before, talk about stalker) and called him to complain about me. (By the way her son, my bf is 37 years old!) My dad said he just sat there on the phone for a half hour while this woman went on a tirade of how "bad" I am, irresponsible, F-ed up, "crazy," that I am just using her son. My dad was shocked. When he told me about it, first he asked me if she was delusional (obviously my dad knows none of that is true as I am the complete opposite of her accusations). Then he asked me how old my boyfriend was since a mommy calling another person's daddy is characteristic of when you have a 12 year old not a 37 year old. I told my dad that yes I do believe she is delusional. Because, I do..My boyfriend was totally embarrassed by the whole thing, naturally.In a way I have gotten the last laugh because I am doing well for myself, got another good job, have a good social life, have lots of ambitions, still dating the son, and in the meantime I've proved all her accusations of me to be false by just being myself and on top of it she made a complete dunce of herself in the eyes of my family and friends and anybody who knows me. And even her own son who thinks she's bitter...Here's the thing. I love my boyfriend and I want it to work out. But his mom is crazy and after all the spiteful, vicious things she has said and done to me I want nothing to do with her. In fact I want nothing more than to insult her and put her in her place. But obviously I can't out of respect for my boyfriend, who in spite of everything is still pretty close to his family. As for me, I don't see how I could ever be nice to her again...or why I should unless she offered me an apology. And I don't see that happening since her reality is distorted and she sees nothing wrong with her behavior.I guess my question is how could I ever be nice to this person again? It goes completely against my beliefs and my integrity after how unbelievably cruel she's been. Not only to me but she is not respecting her own son as an adult and as a person who should be making his own decisions. It is clear this woman is insanely jealous of me...What's up with that? I find it creepy and how am I supposed to deal with that? Is this emotional incest? You know now my family thinks she's pathetic and delusional, now they question my own boyfriend's sanity...and I don't blame them...I just don't know what to do because I love him..
View related questions:
ambition, incest, jealous, money, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012):
You have the future mother inlaw from hell, gee I've been there and bought the tshirt haha..
I had a bf mother who kept saying, yes but I almost died having him.. It was here way of gaining the upper hand he did not have a back bone and was tied to his mama apron strings so we split..
My husband who I met shortly after mother was very similar but he loved me and she had to back down.. Really your man has to have a word on his mothers ear so this stops.
Wishing you all well
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
 If her son is picking you over his crazy mother then yes when you have to deal with her you are civil.
As long as your BF is on your side and knows his mom is inappropriate you will be fine.
My husband is 39 and for years has been totally estranged from his mother by his choice. I have not met her. I doubt I ever will. I'm assuming she knows we are married. I guess his sister told her. I don't know for sure.
She is not jealous of YOU per se but rather anyone who takes her "baby" away from her.
As long as he distances himself from her and her insanity and sides with you it will be ok. IF however he defends her, or blames you, I'd run.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 IF you "compete" with a guy's Mother, for his affections, you DON'T HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN.... so cut off the/this "competition" early and save yourself a lot of heartache/heartbreak.......
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): You don't deal with this. Stay out of it. Its your boyfriend who has to grow a backbone and stand-up for his relationship.
...............................
|
