A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I have a sort of strange dilemma. You see, my boyfriend and I have been together for a 1 1/2 and its been tough, but very wonderful. When we first got together, I was jealous that he would still sometimes, email his ex. Even though he said it really was just friendship, I said I didn't like it and it made me insecure. So I told him to stop. He called her and told her he couldn't talk to her anymore and said she was understanding. Then, he got rid of all of her things and deleted her phone number. I had faith and confidence that he wouldn't ever betray me. He said that talking to her isn't worth it and it was so casual that he feels no desire to do so. Even still, it has been the topic of many an intense argument. We almost broke up because I kept thinking he had feelings for her! (mostly my insecurity)Thats all background info. Lately my bf has been getting into conspiracy theories, I mean, REALLY getting paranoid. And last night, he got so paranoid after a movie he watched, that he sent out as many emails as he could to warn people. He sent a separate email to her, his ex, even though the day before, I asked him if he thought of talking to her...and he said no and that I didn't have to worry about it. He said he knew what he was doing and knew that I would not like it but felt it was important at the time to warn everyone he knows or has known. I asked him the next day, when he was telling me all of this, and he said he did email her...I was devastated. I felt like it took me so long to trust him, so much working with my insecurity. And here she is again. I feel she like is never going to go away. Like someday he will "slip" again and talk to her...and maybe I should just face the fact that he has feelings for her and always will....Please, give me any advice, tell me if this sounds ridiculous (on my part) or if you think I can trust him again.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): My boyfriend e-mailes his ex-girlfriend and I know about it. I understand that you feel jealous, because at the beginning, and still today after 2 years of being with him I get a bit annoyed, I was jealous and insecure that he had feelings for his ex, but that time has passed. Try to give him space and TRUST him. You will create a stronger relationship by letting him do this things.
Also, talk to your boyfriend about what you feel about him doing it. Get together with him and have a mature conversation about the situation. This way you might get rid off of some of your insecurites or let him be aware of your feelings about it. Again I will stress that this shouldn't be such a big deal. Talk to him about why he wants to talk to his ex, and again, mantain it mature. Try not to over-react with his responses and expect some answer and be prepared. By talking about your feelings will create an understanding between each other, which will strengthen your relationship.
Try to think this: He might just want to keep his friendship with her. I know its hard to think positive, I understand you, but trust your guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Where is he getting these conspiracy theories from? Really. On line. Through some connections on the internet? Are they something that is worth value or is he losing it, somewhat like what happened to the man on Beautiful Mind. That was based on true person. Dr. Nash. It really happened to that poor soul because he had a mental illness of sorts. Please advise him to get some help unless he has contact with some terrorist connections. Then I would think the FBI should know....not his friends. Anything is possible in this crazy world we live in.
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