A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, hoping you will be able to shed a little light on this situation I'm in. There's this guy I've known for awhile, and before we became friends we fooled around (oral sex) over the summer. After this however, we became close friends. There was still sexual tension, but it toned down a bit since by the time we got close, I had a girlfriend (Im openly bisexual). My girlfriend and I at the time also decided to have a threesome with him. She had sex with him briefly but I didn't, it was mostly just oral sex. He would always come to me if he needed to talk or vent, and we would hang out all the time even when it wasn't sexual. Well since my girlfriend and I broke up, we've grown apart. We hooked up again after the breakup (still no sex( and I began to have feelings for him. I told him this and he was fine with it, but he said he saw me as one of the guys that he could release sexual energy with (I'm not kidding, those were his exact words). And we hooked up once more after that. That time I had made it clear I wanted to have sex but he said no. I feel like he's using me and doesn't value our friendship anymore, he only values the fact that I give him blow jobs. He doesn't text me or hang out with me anymore unless he wants to get some. And when we do hook up, it's like he wants to get away from me right after he finishes. Any idea on why we grew apart and what I should do from this point? Thanks !
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): If you don't like feeling used then the next time you see him and he wants a blowjob then just tell him no, that if he doesn't appreaciate your friendship then you won't give him head anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to get his d___ sucked by a young girl, especially when she is quite willing to do it. You obviously know that he is using you, or more correctly, using your mouth for a warm place to ejaculate. So now that you know that, it is up to you to decide; Am I ok with that, or, I don't like being used like that. Personally, I actually enjoy giving blowjobs, and I ACTUALLY believe I am using THEM when I do it. So what I am saying, is it is a matter of perception and only you can answer your question.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 You write: "Any idea on why we grew apart and what I should do from this point?"
You ("we") grew apart because he determined that he could keep you on the hook for oral sex.... whilest HE didn't have to do ANYTHING that smacked of being a "boyfriend"...
What you can do - from this point - is DUMP his sorry bottom.... and seek out a REAL "boyfriend" who acts like a gentleman...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 If a guy wants a 'one of the guys' type of friend, he will hang out with one of the guys. He doesn't need a girl for that.Being used for blow jobs is even worse than being used for intercourse. At least with the latter he has to invest some effort and you get something out of it. With the former, you get nothing but a mouthful of gism. Why you would want to salvage any type of friendship with this sort of person is precisely why he's lost interest in you. You have very low standards and will do just about anything which makes you no challenge at all. There is nothing to admire about a person like that. Why do you think gold and diamonds are worth anything? Because they're harder to come by.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Stop doing this to yourself - this guy has not once ounce of respect for you. It's time you start respecting yourself - you're worth so much more then this.
Respect has to begin with you, and if you don't have any for yourself, no one else is going to either. People only get treated with bow they allow themselves to be.
Kick this loser to the curb - cut all ties with him - walk away and never look back.
All he wants is a hole to stick his "pecker" into - he can find that somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 "he said he saw me as one of the guys that he could release sexual energy with"
This guy is an absolute pig. You need to cut him out of your life. What he said was "I see you as one of those things I can masturbate into." Not people, things. I'm not exaggerating that this guy barely sees you as human. You need to cut him out of your life. Why do you let him keep using you?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Knock off the blow jobs is the first thing you do. The second thing you do is to realize that friends come and go, (no pun intended, well okay maybe), especially at your age. The third thing you do is to understand that people get used only because they ALLOW themselves to be used.
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A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 I think perhaps the reason that you've discovered deeper feelings than no strings with him and let him know about it has deterred him a little.
People looking for no strings usually do it because they would rather not have the feelings/commitment, and thats all you've been offering, now suddenly have developed feelings and want intercourse. He may be keeping a distance to spare your feelings.
Hes not using you hes expressing his normal behaviour, you just notice/worry about these things more once you develop romantic feelings for someone.
If you truely feel used, I think the obvious solution is to stop the sexual contact and concentrate on the Friendship. If you want to continue your Friendship i would suggest trying to see it that way and nothing more, even if it means leaving eachother alone for a couple of weeks.
Good luck
X
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 December 2012):
IMO, you are a bit young for the sexual escapades you are experiencing. At age 16, IMO a person is just generally far too inexperienced about the world and responsibilities to be having sex, and fully taking on the responsibilities that brings.
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A
male
reader, bini magna  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 In the first place u r willing to give him oral sex but whenever you give blow job does he belittle u?if so tell him that u r uncomfortable and makes u dissatisfied seriously! Plus talk each other freely and courageosly just to create a positive sexual relationship in every uncofortable situations, cause sexual relationship matters to both of u like any other kinds of issues and concerns! Always tell him that u love him and sustain ur relationship in harmoneous way,hope this helps u a little... good luck!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): You are a sex buddy, get rid of him as nothing will come off this. Respect yourself and dont let him treat you as booty call or worst as a free bee.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): First issue here that you don't look at oral sex as sex. It is sex, it's not an intercourse but it is sex.So when you said your so called friend didn't want to have sex, it's actually he didn't want to have intercourse.He told you very openly that he sees you only as someone he wants to hook up with now and then. And thats what he does.Friendships change all the time, people grow apart. Especially if there is sex involved, it only complicates the whole thing.
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