A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting concerned. I feel my boyfriends' porn viewing is coming into our bedroom. On one hand, we have this amazing sex life, but on the other, I am noticing more and more that its taking a LOT to get him off, if he does at all. He does not pressure me to do anything, and I am up for trying some new things....I am to the point that I can tell when he's been watching porn and when he hasn't. He is particularly more aggressive, a lot more rough, when he has...he sometimes says things out loud that neither of us would normally say, such as "come all over my dick with your pussy"...which might be a turn on for some, but its just not something I like or words I typically use and it doesn't turn me on, but maybe it does him. This one time he pulled on my hair while pushing my head down sideways, sticking his finger in my mouth as he was behind me, and it just immediately screamed porn scenes that are so seemingly hot to men ...not interested.Anyway, he seems to be repeating what he is apparently viewing, I can just tell. Sometimes I see what he's watched and other times, like I said, I can just tell. There is some porn stuff I get turned on from, but it never makes me feel like I want to copy it in our bedroom.We have been together for almost two years, and as our sex life has progressed, it's gotten hotter and hotter, which is a good thing, but I am starting to feel uncomfortable with where it's going. I want to talk to him about this, but I also worry it will put him in a place where he is afraid to do anything or try anything if I do say something. I feel like we are falling away from some of the passion and "making love" and it's only going in a direction of sex that is very aggressive/rough and very familiar in porn videos. Sometimes I just want to f***, to put it quite bluntly, and be more aggressive, but not ALL the time.A few weeks ago, we did anal for the first time...I feel like things really haven't been the same since, like that was the ultimate and where do we go from here type thing. I'm very confused as to how to approach this without it turning our active sex life into something ackward because of my caution.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): In addition to what some of the others have said, I suggest, when speaking to him, that you put a positive spin on it. Focus on what you DO like and DO want rather than on what you don't, which he will interpret as a criticism of him personally.The best way to negotiate anything is to start with points on which you are both in agreement and work from there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): In so many ways this is abusive because he is not really interested in your desires just his own which as you say he has collected from porn. My question to you is why do you go along with it time and again if it is making you feel bad. You have to stop doing that first and tell him you think he is re-enacting a porn movie and it does not turn you on. The words "I'm not turned on" should be enough to make him stop what he is doing and it needs to be followed up, not during sex, with a serious talk. If this goes any further you are going to have a messed up head and he might even physically hurt you. If you tell him you don't like it and then he carries on with it then you have a clear answer as to what he really does feel about you.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I think you have to give him credit for TRYING new things, but he failed majorly by not discussing them with you before hand or afterwards to see if that was OK with you!
I agree with others, you have to open up your communication outside the bedroom to discuss what things you are and are not comfortable with exploring.
Since you like a BALANCED lovelife-you have to remind him that you BOTH need to compromise so you both get sexually fed in the ways you are craving.
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A
male
reader, MugenTj +, writes (19 July 2011):
 It's strange to me that you've been with this person for 2 years, and have such a good sex life without developing a good way to talk to one another about this sorta issue. Because for me the first thing in a relationship is communication. But I think I can understand why. So, I think you should attempt to discuss with him about this. Just find a way to open the topic so that he doesn't feel like being attacked and discouraged. Two ways on the top of my head: 1. Slowly lead him into a conversation at a convenient time by saying: I have something I mean to discuss with you, but not sure how to start. So I'll just ask/tell you how I feel....(you must prepare a direction for this before you begin).2. During an act that you have issue with, react in a gentle way to show that you got turned off. Then tell him like you told us here: that you love all how it's been and how it seem to be going too far for you. Finally, request that it must stop to keep the relationship healthy. Add that he can try new things so long as he discuss with you with, and leave you the right to make the a decision too.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 you just need to communicate more. if you are intimate enough to be having sex, you should be intimate to talk about it. sometimes you want it rough but other times you don't? unless your man is a mind reader, you need to help him out with regards to what you want, what sort of sex-mood you are in. you have been together for 2 years now and he is two years older than when you met, so maybe he needs things a bit wilder so he can get off. you will watch porn and enjoy some of it and you sound like you are very into your sex life with him, he probably thinks you are loving all the porny stuff he does, unless you tell him otherwise, nothing will change. things don't have to become awkward, i am sure you have enough tact and respect for him to tell him in a nice and constructive way
x
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A
female
reader, ShadowLuver123 +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Next time you guys have sex if he starts bringing porn into it and you dont like it tell him you dont feel comfortable doing that,you just want to keep it nice and simple or say something like you want to take a break off porn.Hope that helped :)ShadowLuver123
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Sit him down and tell him your feelings. If he's unwilling to listen and/or compromise, get rid of this guy as he may lose his own self-respect and you dont wanna be around to fix that up.
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