A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been with my fiance on and off for around 6-7 years. We are planning on getting married this year, however I feel he is not putting in that much effort when it comes to the wedding plans by putting his plans and other things frst. We have decided to get married around October, and due to my fiances large family there is only one venue we can choose. In my culture there are some aspects of the wedding that his side take care of and some which mine do. The venue is his thing to do...it has been weeks and he hasn't called them, saying he's busy although he is always out with friends, getting up in the middle of the afternoon, and doing general community and charity projects.I called the venue people today, and there is only one date left, so even though it was his job, I called him really excitedly telling him that they still have a date (as I knew it was pretty late in the day to get something for this year). He tells me that he can't get married on that day because some work colleagues are coming from abroad, to help with a project he is doing. I feel so hurt and upset. I love him but feel like he doesn't care. He isn't even heading this project, he's working on it with other people too. I feel like the wedding and me are right at the bottom of his list somewhere.I have supported him throughtout these years with everything he's done or wants to do, but I feel he doesn't understand how much it hurts me, and quite frankly I don't feel like speaking or seeing him. This is just another thing to add to a long list of others. :(
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female
reader, raekitten  +, writes (29 April 2009):
I feel for you. In a way I'm going through the same thing. I was talking to my fiance all the time trying to bounce ideas off him for the wedding. He would respond most the time. Then I asked him one day if we could go and pick out his wedding band. He flat out said "no" I was shocked and upset. So I asked him if he still wanted to get married. He said "yes". Then I asked him if it was important to him, because it was to me. He said "yes". I asked him then why does it seem like he didnt want to have anything to do with it. He said it was because things were changing on a day to day basis and we could never put anything in stone. That it seemed like it just wasnt going to happen. We are having money issues like so many others and we really cant afford to have a wedding. So basically he couldnt get excited because of out money issues. I dont know if you guys are having any sort of issues like that, but if something is difficult for your fiance maybe hes feeling the same way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I've been engaged since October 2008, so it's really not that long. I'm not making excuses for him but I love him and I know he really loves me too. When we talk about the wedding he is usaully happy and open and we discuss loads of issues regarding the wedding. It's just when it comes to the 'doing' side of things he's not very active. I've spoken to him once before and he say's he is doing things and it upsets him, so I don't bother now, just to avoid arguements.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): It's not a case of 'we' are planning to get married, more one of 'I' am planning to get married. He's not planning anything at all and it's obvious he's happy the way things are.
I think you'd be better off letting him have the day to his work colleagues. Hopefully by then you'll be out of his life and he yours. If he was enthusiastic about getting married he would have done something about it by now. You'd never get married if it was left to him.
Time to finish being his fiancee and be his ex-fiancee I think!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Sounds to me as though he really doesn't want to get married. He obviously rates your relationship very low on his list of priorities.
Not only that, but how come you have been engaged for such a long time?
I think for your own well-being, happiness and self-respect, you'd do well by breaking up with him, permanently.
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