A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my bf goes out about 8pm and says he wont be long he'll be home soon. his mum came to pick him up as he is on holiday a week off work so hes going to be using her car as his company van is back at his company where he works till he returns back to work. anyway i know what he can be like he goes to visit friends and stuff when hes through where his mum lives so i think nothing of it. then i end up going to sleep and locking the door as he has a key, so about 2am he sends me a text and wakes me up out of my sleep. he says he cant get home and that his mum needs her car because shes up soon for work. we have been arguing a lot lately as he doesnt spend much time with me so i reply saying that its typical hes took this long to text me and that hes selfish as he could have texted me a lot earlier in the evening. im annoyed and i have every right to be. he says sorry and that he thought i would still be up and that hes going to go look at cars with her later today. im grumpy as ive been woken so i said no your not sorry. and hes like F*** sake is that you annoyed at me? i reply back saying to him you know what your doing im going back to sleep. i just would have thought more of you as a person if you had texted me earlier and let me know you weren't coming home or told me what was happening his words to me were i wont be long so of course im going to feel annoyed. i add to the text stop playing me! he replies ok xxxxxxx i say im tired of this because lately i feel hes been making excuses to leave the house and not return till around 2am in the morning.he says ive to stop getting at him. no kisses in the texts to him F**** sake. i say no because you are just using me im tired of it! hes like listen to your mum then.. as she says hes only here out of convenience .. he adds know what im staying at my mums all week. this is to hurt me as its a year tomorrow we've been together and he said he would do something special with me. so i reply saying Good .. he then says goodnight im out of this SH*T im so hurt the way hes treating me and begining to wonder if maybe my mums been right about him the whole time. he used to always spend time with me have nights in with a dvd cuddled up.. seems the only time he comes home is to watch a bit of tv then fall asleep have a shower go to work come home for dinner then back out to his friends apparently .. this is the the first day of his holidays and he hasnt even bothered to come home.. lets me know last minute. im so upset i just feel used by him :(Additional Detailswe broke up a few months ago as we were arguing alot and when i took him back just before christmas he was really distant i found out that he had been texting another woman. according to him it was only texts that she made him feel good it was harmless. but what i read didnt come accross as harmless he was saying how he loved her and that he asked her were they made for each other they even had a song!! and everytime she heard it she texted him telling him it was playing. it hurt me so much all the things i read as i do genuinely love him. how could he possibly saythese things to another we only fell out for 2-3 weeks.. its crazy!! what hurt the most was christmas day after getting to spend it with me opening presents etc he left at 12 noon and he was texting her saying that he loved her ?? since then my trust in him is awful. i feel so insecure i would never do anything like that to him and he knows it.. but he said it was a comfort to him as he thought it was really over when i kickhim out. i feel like he has only come back to hurt me and play with my emotions out of his anger to me for kicking him out my home whenever we argued. im so upset hurt confused.. i need advice pls help!
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broke up, christmas, insecure, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 You two have unresolved issues that stem back to before the break up, you can't just get back together and assume it's going to be all smooth sailing, if the issues haven't been addressed and worked through. Did he ever admit that what he did was WRONG? Have he made an effort in gaining your trust? In "deserving" your forgiveness?
With that said... I don't believe in taking break in a relationship. If you need to "take a break" there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. I don't think going back to an ex is a good idea (ever). Because there was a (usually) GOOD reason for the break up and then you have a whole new set of issues involving trust and rebuilding everything, but still having the past "lurking".
I think you Mum is smart and I think she is right. He really don't care. The whole thing with the other woman shows how little respect he has for you and how little responsibility he takes for his own actions. I'm willing to BET if YOU had been the one texting lovey dovey stuff to another guy he would have blown up.
Honey, dump him. You can do better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): I think your Mums right, also I really don't see any point in continuing with this relationship. All you seem to get out of it is frustration and arguments. Its confused me so I dont know how you cope.
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