A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:So I've been with my bf for 8months now and we're already planning our wedding! Yes is too early I know:(. So we went to choose our rings and I chose one for him cause he couldn't choose a nice one. He told my mum I chose mine but I chose his, I didn't know he doesn't like it but he didn't say anything so I felt bad and I asked him to choose another one and he said is already done now so he won't pick another one. We can choose as many times as we want. Anyway, so I just felt like he's changed and not loving and caring anymore. I mean he doesn't reassure me, last night I told him I don't feel he's in love with me (he said that's my opinion) and we don't know much about each other so we should stop the wedding plans for now. He said I haven't told him I'm not ready (I have!) he said ok he will do his thing and I will do my thing and we will see what happens. (I didn't like his response) he says I've been controlling since day1 and he has a mother, he doesn't need another one. so I can't suggest to my bf to wear deodorant and which clothes will look best?:( he says he's not happy. I just feel like he doesn't even like me anymore so why does he want to marry me? Isn't he suppose to reassure me and tell me how he loves me and blah blah instead he doesn't say a word. I'm just confused. Guys and girls please help me? Mature answers only please. I'm very upset right now:(. What should I do? Thanksxx im 26 and he's 30
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2016): He does not reassure you because he is not sure himself.
Though i dont think 8 months means "hardly know each other" but it is quite short time of start planning a wedding.
Marriage is not as much fun as are telling us,believe me. You need to be highly compatible with each other otherwise its not going to work.
If you started to play mommy you obviously felt the need for it. If he acts like a baby then he will keep on doing it. Are you sure you want to take care of another adult for the rest of your life?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 I hope I am wildly,crazily off the mark, but... it's a jungle out there, -so, how's the financial situation ?
Does your bf work full time, has he a sufficient, steady source of income ? Whose place is it where you live, yours ? Is the only name on the lease yours , is he paying you rent ?...
Because , as a matter of fact, he does not sound like someone who is eager to get married. Yet, he wants to get married, and he is planning a wedding, rings and all.
So- in life , at the end of the day, is a bit like in mystery novels. Things get done because of one of two things : love or money.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Put the marriage on the back-burner for now.
There is NO reason to rush into something as SERIOUS marriage right now, is there?
To quote you: " he says he's not happy." THAT is NO way to start a marriage, no matter how many plans you have made. Plans can change, things can change and how people FEEL can change. PEOPLE however rarely change.
I DO think in a way he is right in telling you I have a mother I don't need another, I can pick my own clothes out and my own deodorant. Now you can GIFT him a body spray what you like the scent off, but it IS up to him to CHOSE if he will wear it or not. Not your "job" as a GF to pick those out for him.
I also think he is right when he said you aren't ready, but neither is he.
Honestly OP? I think he is trying to make YOU end it, by him acting like he doesn't really care and isn't into you no longer - he however won't SAY that because he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" who dumps you before the wedding.
THIS is NOT how it's supposed to be. If it was an arranged marriage then I can see there might be some "I'm not sure I want to do this with you" issues, but it's not.
And 8 months IS to short. That is WHY you two are now having issues cropping up, most of the time you can't take shortcuts in life.
My question to you OP, with all that he has said and done (and NOT done) WHY do you still want to marry him?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Cancel any wedding plans. It is much to soon, you claim you don't know much about each other, do you live together? Slow things down. There is no rush to get married only to end up divorced. It sounds like you are both not getting along, he finds you controlling and you don't find him loving. It doesn't sound like it is going to work out, yes he should reassure you he loves you, but you should also be reassuring him, reassuring is not words but more loving actions towards each other.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (13 July 2016):
 It is very quick for you to decide to marry and for you both to be having these issues. You hardly know each other. I would definitely say, do not get married. Spend the next four to six months getting to know each other. Find out if you really love each other. And take it from there.
Why have you decided to get married if you aren't ready?
And yes, I feel in these situations, it is necessary to reassure each other about your feelings, however founded or unfounded the insecurities are.
Sit down and talk to your partner. Explain how you feel about marriage right now. Say you want to wait to get to know each other before deciding it's right for you both. You should definitely not rush into this.
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