A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy seven years ago,and six months into the relationship I asked him when we were going to get married he said soon.The following year in 2004 I asked him again and he said soon.In 2006 we had a break and we got back together in 2007,that is when he said he cannot wait to get married to me.So I asked him when he said very soon.Two weeks back on 09/05/2009 I asked him for an estimation in months or years and he said after four years starting from next year,that is in 2014.I was very angry ,he told me he will marry me soon when I was only 22years old in 2003,now I have to wait four more years.Why did he not just say in eleven years I will marry you,he wasted my best years,my early youth,he could be a distant memory right now because back then the decision would have been very easy.He says his reasons are that he promised his dead aunt who paid for his university fees that he will pay her back by putting his cousin through university,and this cousin will start university next year.He tells me he knew this before he met me.I feel like he decieved me and wasted my early youth,should I leave him?If I stay I want a contract that says he will marry me in 2014.Can I sue him successfully?
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female
reader, terripatt  +, writes (20 May 2009):
One thing I have learned being with the same guy from 14 to 30 and still have no ring.. but two children to show for is please dont throw away a good thing for a ring. I am 17 years into this messed up relationship and have always longed for the family, marriage, blah blah.. Dont think of your relationship as a waste of your youth, just chaulk it up to been there done that.
Also if you have to poke and bother about marriage and a ring thats not a true proposal at all. Wouldnt you rather it be a surprise out of the blue because he WANTS to ask you? If you pressure him into it, maybe he's not really ready. This will only lead to problems down the road... TRUST ME!
On the other hand if you feel like he is pushing you aside and has no intention on ever committing to you then i suggest you keep your own good interests at bay and move on. This is easy advice to give, but not to take as I guess im finding out.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): it sounds like to me your a little desperate to get married surly this should be in his own time with no pressure, I think you may have pushed him more and more away with keep asking.
I think you need to think about what you really want! 1. just get married in life or 2. to find a guy who you really like and WAIT until he is ready too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): k c100 has said so perfectly what I was about to attempt to say. I will only add that it is about time you took responsibility for your own (in)actions and stopped looking to blame someone else. Accept him - or leave him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Sweetie, basically this guy is wasting your time. He seems to have no intention of ever getting married. Why would you want to tie him into a contract for marriage when already there are problems within your relationship?? No you will not be able to sue him - what are you going to sue him for??? Not committing to marriage??? Seems a bit silly doesnt it?
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 This is just crazy, you cannot sue someone just because they wont marry you! That is such a cold-hearted way to look at things - if you want to marry this guy surely you must love him therefore why would you want to sue the man you love?!
It seems to me that you want to get married so badly that you dont care who it is with, and you are now annoyed because he has mislead you. Do you actually love him? Do you even care about him?
I can understand your frustration, he should have been honest with you from the start. He seems like an honorable guy if he is paying to put his cousin through university, however if he has known this all along he should have told you.
It seems to me your decision is pretty simple - do you love him enough to wait for him? Or do you want to get married as soon as possible? If you want to get married in the next couple of years then maybe you should leave him and find a man who can give you what you want. However if you truly love him and cannot imagine spending the rest of your life with anyone else then you might just have to wait for him to be ready for marriage, and hope he lives up to his word.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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