A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't keep a guy's interest after the first night, will someone ever stay around long enough?I meet a guy out in a pub or maybe a friend of a friend and I can hold their interest for the night but after a string of promises that I will get a text in the morning, it rarely happens. I'm quite pretty ( i realise that's not exactly modest but I want an honest answer) but can be intimidating. I have a very quick tongue and I feel like guys don't want to talk to me unless I dumb myself down. I really liked this guy and we slept together one night (not sex) but I had to find him on social media and write to him. I just feel like they're interested in having a girl with a short skirt around for a few hours but not enough that they have to be around me in the daylight and sober. I can be mean and honest but it's only because I'm afraid they won't like any of my real personality. I tried being myself before anyone suggests it, it played out the same as lying. I'm really at the end of a road here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): These 2 things you are doing wrong: hoping to meet a nice guy in pubs or bars, and using your sharp tong. It's not even a matter of dumbing yourself it's a matter of having good manners. You can be more sarcastic and straightforward with someone you know well like your friends, but not with someone you just met. For me people with too much sarcasm don't look like happy people, and who wants to be around unhappy person. Bars andpubs are mostly for people to unwind, have drinks, may be dance and may be get laid. Many guys come there with this only purpose in mind. Some think that thisis why girls come there. That's why there is so much flirting is going on as guys think they can get some that night. Of course it should not come as a surprise that they never call you the next day. I go out couple times a months for girls nights out. I am single and don't mind. Giving my phone number to someone I liked. Almost none of them ever call me the next day. May be 5% if that.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Aside from the eyes, the most interesting thing about a woman is her mind. Let it shine like the sun, dumb down the sex, crank up the IQ.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): Actual sex or the promise without delivery can ruin it for you. You are using your looks for bait, but then you get angry; because guys take you for shallow. Just be yourself.
If you have to hone your interactive and interpersonal skills a bit, then do it.
Maybe you don't don't know how to curb your sarcasm, and think it's "dumbing-down;" just because you can't use a sharp tongue. It's all about charm my dear lady. Your tone and delivery says it all. A pretty-face and hot-bod can't always getaway with murder.
Women are born with natural feminine charm and mystique. Nature gives us all the tools to attract mates. Some ladies aren't sure how to use them; because they have too many myths and stereotypes in their heads about men. So they suppress all their best personality traits, or fake it.
Like you're doing.
I guess some women let magazines and the media fill their minds with nonsense. The are preconditioned to believe all men are dogs. We all have the potential, but we all aren't. If I believed some of the articles published by so-called professionals and experts; I'd never go out with anyone. If I trusted all the horror stories my girlfriends tell me, I'd have myself put to sleep for being male. I know they are exaggerating and have awful taste in men. Luckily I'm around to save them from themselves. Also to save my brothers from them!
You can't allow yourself to become too jaded or cynical. It will taint your outlook and make you bitter. Great guys sometimes just don't stand-out like the sexier "bad-boys." So we good-guys just patiently wait our turn. It's just too bad how a really great-guy has to dodge so many pyschos who've the bad-boys got to first!
If the bad-girls get to great-guys before you do; then you get the waste-product of a man until he recovers. Just lookout for all the signs of trauma. If he has learned to hit and run, he's lost. If he apologizes when appropriate, stays in-touch, and keeps his word? The good-guy is still in there somewhere, but under repair. Take your time with him; until you see signs of complete restoration and repair. Women have a built-in instinct for that; they just rarely use it. Instead they choose assh*les and try to change them. That's a waste of that intuition. It's one thing to see the good in a genuinely good-soul; another thinking you can change and transform a jerk with love. The movies have fooled many of us with that one. Totally avoid assh*les!
These poor ladies (like yourself) are really fantastic women; but just a little battle-scarred and traumatized!
Welcome to the 21st century! The age of technology and lost personalities! Meeting a nice person is almost scary. You think it's fake.
My current date asked me if I'm for real, on several occasions. I've asked him the same. He's patient, prompt, works hard, makes me laugh, and can carry on a very deep conversation. I'm keeping his other great qualities to myself. He has been consistent for nearly six-months!Please don't be offended that I've shared my orientation with you. I don't mean to presume.
I'm gay, and I've sat with my lady-friends and listened intently; while they use me as the ears of my whole gender. My brain is scorched and ears are numb. I lose track of how many drinks and shots I've had; just trying to absorb so much information about my own gender!!! So I know what you mean. I've met the same kind of jerks. I just know them when I see them coming; because I'm a guy too.
I dated women in my earlier years, and had sex with women before men. I can't live without you ladies; though I'm not bisexual. I feel like something's missing if I'm not close to a woman. That's just me. No, I'm not the shopping frilly personality like on TV. I guess I'm categorized and stamped with the generalized (yet offensive) term as "butch." That makes me laugh. It's better than being told I'm a waste as a guy! My lady-friends never say that. Although they might think it. I understand. They're either jerks, taken, or gay!
For the gay guy, their either jerks, taken, or closeted!
A few bad experiences with men doesn't condemn the whole masculine gender. You have a variety to choose from. You won't live long enough to meet us all. The worst guys jump out in-front of the line; because they know the good guys will show them up. Women seem to choose them first, because they think they're more interesting. They are.
They're charming, hot, sexy, rich, and the full package. Ha ha, sometimes you find out the hard-way! The devil is beneath that exterior! Same goes for you ladies. Be honest!
Hot, beautiful, and dangerous!
Be yourself so the guy knows exactly whom he's dealing with. That way, he'll show his true self. If your sense of humor is a bit caustic, get to know the guy first and gauge your humor according to what he seems to comprehend and handle. It isn't dumbing-down, it's adjusting your tone. You probably wouldn't feel comfortable with a guy who's every other word is a swear word or an expletive. What if you're sitting in a five-star restaurant, or at the opera? The language has to be classy and appropriate, right? When it's just the two of you, you let it rip if you like. Just choose guys with the right kind of sense of humor; don't change to suit his tastes. If you're the intellectual-type; don't assume men don't find that sexy. They do, and they're not intimidated. If you approach a guy in bitch-mode, that's intimidating.
Stop offering sex, or using it as bait. You'll be treated accordingly. Men don't have to dumb-down for you either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): Try not meeting guys on nights out. Join a local gym and attend some classes, you'll start to recognise people and meet people in a very different environment to just a bar or a group of lads all wanting to get a girl on a night out.
If not a gym then anything really, you could try dance lessons (like salsa), sports clubs...whatever you are genuinely interested in because you will meet like minded people. You might form friendships there and those people introduce you to mutual friends...you can see where this is going it just simply widens your social circle and you have more chance of meeting a genuine, honest person than a lager lout just out to get laid.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 The guy you mentioned spent the night with you, without sex, realized he wasn't getting what he wanted (a quick fix to a short term itch) so he decided to go and find someone else rather than go through the motions with someone he barely knew, and cared little for, to get what he wanted.
Meeting guys in bars and clubs is unlikely to end in long lasting love. Most guys your age go clubbing and hit the bars to get laid, impress their mates and let the testosterone and alcohol do the talking. You need to see if a guy is interested in the long game, not jump into bed with him (sex or not) and then expect him to woo you.
Its up to you how you dress of course, but if your a pretty young woman with a great figure and a short skirt then the cocky guys will be all over you, all vying for your attention in that typical alpha male way, but the guys looking for something more long lasting will be intimidated.
I do have some female friends with a quick tongue and intimidating attitude and in all fairness they can be hard work. They say what they think, often putting others in an awkward or embarrassing position, or make others feel they are trying to be the leader of the group with their intimidating persona. Often they come across as though they enjoy putting others down with their quick wit and dry sarcasm. Each to their own but if you want to attract a decent guy who is in it for the long term, rather than hanging off someone's arm for a few hours to impress his mates, maybe consider your approach and the way you come across to others.
As a rule, and I realize I am somewhat generalizing, women with a sharp tongue who tell it like it is and have a sarcastic streak tend to put off pleasant, nice guys who feel either intimidated by that, or see sarcastic comments and a no punches pulled attitude as either rude or hard work. Cocky, arrogant lads see it as a challenge. Sometimes people can come across as not very likable if they are too sarcastic or too quick to say what they think. Sometimes a little tact and a bit of modest goes a lot further. You say yourself that you are intimidating and that's part of the problem. Decent guys are put off and cocky, laddish types who just want a bit of skirt to impress their mates see it as a challenge to try and tame your sharp tongue.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Well, most guys don't go to the pub/bar/club looking for lasting love. They look to have fun with their mates and maybe some fun with a pretty girl too.
My suggestion? Don't go home with a guy after a visit to the pub. Don't look for him on FB either.
Try meeting guys other ways.
And BE who you are. Don't dumb yourself down. EVER. If you have to dumb yourself down to attract a guys attention.. he isn't going to be someone YOU would want to be with. TRust me on that. A smart girl doesn't want a guy prefers dumb chick.
Maybe cut back a little on the sharp tongue. I can be VERY sarcastic (part of my sense of humor), but sarcasm and "mean & honest" attitude can easily be perceived as just being "high and mighty" or aloof.
If you talk to someone and feel you click, give him your number or ask for his. If NOTHING comes of it, it's OK.
What you need to find is a guy who is a good match not just in bed, but in intellect, humor and interest.
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