A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like giving up on love and need some encouragement! I finally started dating again last month after being single since Aug '09, when I split with my bf of 9 years(we had lived together for 7 years) after finding out he was cheating on me...again. He'd already cheated once, 18m before. We split for 6m, he kept contacting me, telling me he couldn't live without me, wanted us to get married and have children in the next few years (a surprising but lovely thing for him to say!), so we worked through our problems and got back together, things were better than ever, and then it happened again :( My problem is, I still love him soooo much. There has been no contact between us since Nov '09, and it took me a long time to start feeling happy again (which I now do).So I finally started dating last month-one a guy I knew from work, another almost a blind-date (friend of a friend). They were both nice guys, but there was no spark, and the conversations were awkward. I had no expectations except to have a good date with each of them, but I now feel I'm never going to meet someone else who I click with, that my love for my ex-bf will never die, that he remains my one and only true love. I feel like I've tried so hard to get over him, to start meeting new guys, but it feels like there is no point in trying anymore, that I'm destined to be alone :( I am getting older, work long hours, and most guys I know are already settled/have children, so I figure my chances of meeting someone are pretty low.Has anyone else been through this? Advice on what to do would be welcome. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Honey, it may take you a few more months or maybe even years to get over your ex. Emotional pain is much harder to heal than phys. pain. And even worse, you don't know when you are going to get over the person you are in love with---you wake up thinking about them, you go to bed thinking about them, you spend the entire day thinking about them, day after day, after day, hour after hour after hour...I tell you from exp. it's a horrible feeling for any human to behold...having your heart broken is serious biz you know? Some ppl never get over their love, while others are forced to move on and eventally do find someone else, but deep down inside, if that ex came walking back into their lives, they would think about leaving their current relationship. My advice to you would be this: STOP DATING. Why? Well, it is obvious you are no where near over your ex and what if you happen to meet a guy that falls head over heels for you in your dating process? Then what? You will NOT be able to give 100% of yourself to him because, your heart is elsewhere and the first and last thing you DON'T want to do is break someone else heart. Go to therapy, read relationship books, go to blogs, cry, pray, talk to a friend, do that which is positive to assist you in getting over your ex. The process will be long and a painful one, but hopefully if you ever get over this guy compeletly, you open yourself up to meeting the great guy of your dreams and living happily ever after.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 You were with this man for 9 years and have only been apart 4 months, so of course you're not completely over him yet! Don't assume that because you still have feelings for him that you will never love anyone else. And you can't judge your romantic future based on TWO dates.
Give yourself more time. There is no need to feel that you have to rush out into the great, wide world of dating NOW. Continue to do things that make you happy; when you're happy and in a good place, you attract good things including men!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): (Original poster) Thanks, strontium dog. Hope things get better for you soon, too. x
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