A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts and uncles... How can I get my life back on track as I feel like just giving up. I am soon to be 31 and have nothing in my life and I look at my friends and I'm consumed with jealously as they have good jobs, places to live and or partners. I have nothing. I don't have job, trying to get one been 3 months and can't. It's totally my fault I was in advertising working way up when decided to become nurse (stupidly influenced by a man) hated course and dropped out after first year. (which was this may) since then been looking for job and can't find anything.. All my friends in London are on 35k, 40k a year and Im on the dole!!!! Living off benefits. I've signed up with so many recruitment agencies...nothing! To top this off I'm paying loads off rent (300 more then friends) to live in a single bedsit in town. I know I'm being ripped off but I was and am in a low place and now I've signed a years contract with these russians... My room is tiny, single room. Size of shoebox and no furniture as can't afford any.. I don't even know how I'm going to pay rent this month (800 pounds) I have no family I can rely on either! Oh and I was seeing this guy who is mr perfect..great house, great job, but he left me! All my friends are going off on holiday to exotic places, new York, Thailand etc... I've never left the uk!!!! I feel like at 31 I've totally made a mess of my life and there's no going back....I have no qualifications, can't get employed, as I was a junior in advertising and now they're hiring 21 year olds..I've no money, don't own a house or anything or have any roots, no man or potential for one! I just need some advice on what to do, as I think I'm never going to do all the nice normal things people do. Like have a career, get married etc. I'd love to find job, join a gym, lose all the weight, meet a man and do all of that. But sitting in my tiny bedsit, with no money for food and friends I hardly see as they're off living life, with no job for months and nothing in my life...I feel my life is over
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): Hey,I just reread your message (sorry, I missed that as I was distracted by something)you mention feeling jealous because your friends are off on vacation to faraway places... that's another advantage of teaching, you can teach English as a Foreign Language nearly anywhere in the world where they need teachers. You just have to love teaching, though... you just might like it and it's an exciting job. I don't know firsthand what the UK is like but North Carolina (where I used to live) is a nightmare... yet there will always be a demand for EFL teachers in the world. Losing weight... 90 percent of this depends on diet. I lost about 20 pounds on fresh fruit, veggies, etc. You must have other components in your diet but the bulk should be fruits and veggies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): Hi,I think that the job situation should be your first priority. I am not very far from your age and can understand your frustrations because I share some of them. I'm from the USA and a Southerner, but I live in Mexico right now. I remember you said you hated nursing, but one reader suggested that you try the course again... remember, you don't have to do ANYTHING forever. If you REALLY hate nursing then pick something else that is marketable and stable. I learned the hard way that a degree is useless without career training, but once you are trained for a career you will have direction.I'm a TEFL teacher in Mexico right now but I have been in a situation similar to yours... I graduated from school and had a series of crappy jobs and watched my friends earn good salaries. I was working in a Belk store and man was it disappointing! I didn't know what I wanted but I was sick of crummy jobs so I got certified to teach EFL.Mexico is the most amazing place in the world but unfortunately life is tough here; I want badly to stay but will probably go back to school to earn a master's because I would like to work at a university TEFL position. If you are broke now then Asia is probably a better bet, I am thinking of going there myself because I am struggling financially and want to pay off some school debts (I want to eventually stay in Mexico but that's another story). My salary isn't great but I love teaching EFL. Maybe that would be an option for you?
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Hello,
I can relate and understand and really hear what you say. I have tried over 200 job vacancies in the past year and have still been unable to find a job. The economy, the time, the system whatever.
Dedicate yourself to finding a job as your no.1 priority. Don't compare other people, don't worry about boyfriends. The job is the urgent problem.
Now, I know that voluntary work sounds counter productive when you need to make a living but i can assure you that it puts you in contact with other people and leads. Two hours in a charity shop a week might meet people that mention jobs going. Leads, ideas, opportunities, these could all be heard by you. The Salvation Army do a lot of charity shops and coffee shops and are around in most towns in London. Try google them. Im sure they would welcome voluntary help and then you simply start opening up a new part of your life. You will meet customers, meet other people, listen to stories, find new openings. It's all worth it. It really is. Take care and I really hope you do some of these things. Let the site know how you get on. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): First off, work- applied everywere? Macdonalds/local market/newsagents?
Bedsit- forget your contract, they can't take money you havnt got! If u can't afford it then move, forget the year minimum term. As I said- they can't take money you havnt got! I rent a 2 bed house for half that amount!
Social life- you have a kind heart and will no doubt find a very nice man when you least expect it. You did before so why not now?
Losing weight -go for walks, join cheap dance classes, swimming etc.
As for your self confidance, I strongly urge you to see a doctor to rule out depression as you certianly are at a low point and it wouldn't surprise me if you were clinically depressed. Once you start making changes you will most certianly feel a lot better in yourself. After all, you had the confidance to go for a nursing degree and that takes a lot of courage.
Life is what you make it, first on your list should certianly be to move, as I stressed before, forget the contract! 800 for a bedsit is daylight robbery and if you havnt got the money then they have no choice but to evict you anyway.
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A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (1 August 2011):
 I know whatever I say here won't change anything for you, but please don't write yourself off or be too hard on yourself. You are obviously at your lowest state here so the only way to go from here is to work your way back up.
Have you thought about maybe leaving London and moving somewhere else in the UK where rents are cheaper? Also, what about applying for a part time job - even something medial like cleaning or dish washing and then get help from the DSS with Housing Benefits, etc. I think you are allowed to work up to 16 hours but that might have changed now.
I only say this because I was left in a similiar situation once after a divorce and was eating chocolate biscuits and drinking hot water to survive! I woke up one day and the feeling of being alone and abandoned was too much to take, so I went to the job centre (who totaly messed up any payments I was due to live on) and took the first crappy job I could find. Luckily, I got the job and I eventualy got my life back on track though it took another year or so before I was settled.
With regards to meeting new friends, etc what about joining a local community club, amateur theatre group, etc? Your library will have lists of various activities in your area. Volunteering is also a good way to keep yourself busy and make new friends in the process.
There is something out there for you - it's just finding the right path to take.
If you want to talk some more, and it's okay with the Mods here, then please do contact me and I am more than happy to help if I can.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (1 August 2011):
I know you say you hated the course but is there any way you could give nursing another go? You will be getting a good secure job afterwards, and can work your way to to become a sister or a nurse specialist or something like that eventually. Without qualifications, as you say, it is hard to find good jobs. A nursing degree is a good qualification to have.
If you are not working at the moment, how about doing some volunteering which will look excellent on your CV apart from being something constructive to do with your time.
It's not true to say there's no going back but you need to have a good think about what you want to do. If you're not working why don't you get some A-levels- you can even do these as an evening course- and then if you want to use them to get a degree you will be able to choose a course you want to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): you can find a partner because youve done it before.
i know how hard it is when u compare yourself to others!!!
i cant deny that your in a diddly of a pickle. £800 rent-bloodyhell thats alot. is london where you want to be?
is it worth the stress, will your jealousy eat you up more and more?
jobs are hard to come by, bankers are being laid off now. have you honestly applied for EVERYTHING...inc mcDs.
forget your 'friends' u will make different ones who you can relate more to. dont be a slave to money and status. there are people worse off. excersise to boost seratonin.
you need a change of scenary by the sounds of it.
try and sit it out, its not your fault you cant get a job. i remeber being offerd 6 jobs in a week in 2006. now im lucky to get a reply. when you feel down, let it all out then find your fave music/videos.
the uk is in a real mess and not many jobs are safe. do some live sex shows on internet?
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