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female
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anonymous
writes: Should my partner view porn on line know that we live together?? I am not a prude, have owned a vibrator, have watched porn with my partner but for some reason i thought that once we moved in together, personal satisfaction would not be required so long as the partner in the mood. My problem is that i caught my beloved on line and then decided to view his history. What a History, hot this and trashy that. not to mention flasher gallaries.Anyway. why should he need to view that on line while im watching telly in the next room.i feel like an idiot, myself esteem just hit zero and i really feel like a replacement for his ex-fiance. I mean how is any average woman ment to compare herself to that, i have to work for a living instead of spreading my legs. so lusty lucy is not my middle name every day of the damn week.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lani +, writes (1 May 2006):
hi im not really a big fan of porn+can understand why ur feeling this way my only advice is 2 talk 2 him explain that u feel degraded that he'd rather watch porn than spend time with u tell him u love him + would rather he make lv 2 u than watch other people.some men like 2 fantasise its them having sex with the woman so why dont you suggest some roll play in the privecy of ur bed room set up a camcord without a tape+pretend ur being filmed u could dress up +hopefully he'll enjoy it better with the real thing.
A
male
reader, Napoleon +, writes (23 April 2006):
 Your feelings about his porn activites are important and you must not ignore them. However, his viewing pornography is not necessarily an unhealthy thing (unless he's addicted to porn and/or viewing child porn). Sexual fantasy remains even in relationships and it's possible he is stimulating his fantasies through his porn viewing. You need to sit down and talk to him about this. Ask him why he views it, tell him how you feel, see what his fantasies are and certainly also share your fantasies. Maybe both of you can work together to fulfull your fantasies and strengthen your relationship. Communication is the key and ultimately if you cannot work something out that both of you are comfortable with then it may be necessary to end the relationship. But don't fear being honest. I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (21 April 2006):
 I think it could also be just a bad habit he is into because of boredom. he might not like what you are watching and perhaps his screen is favourable to yours. Perhaps you could both do with making an effort into doing something that builds on the relationship you both want and you need to get out of this rut by starting to communicate about each others needs and come to a compromise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): Instead of feeling worthles over all this...speak up and take a stand. Every couple is different. Some gf's don't mind this activity..others do. While I feel compassion for your pain, just realize this is a matter for maturity, calm discussion and boundries. Because of your moral compass, everytime he continues his porn activities, you will build more resentment and your relationship will deteriorate. I am real proponent of 'telling one's honest feelings' so if you don't like what he's doing- give yourself permission to tell him that. You each have to be honest about your feelings and considerate of the other. Once again, if you're not happy about him viewing porn, it's your responsibility to tell him so; you might tell him that it makes you feel uneasy and unloved. It could be that your partner really has no clue how much he is hurting your feelings.
If he doesn't respond with concern for your feelings, then there is no relationship to save. Better to find that out sooner rather than later, because the hurt will only grow larger when there are children you have to think of, and that's a time when your options may be fewer.
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