A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am really getting upset. I am a 15 year old girl, I feel trapped inside that number. I feel like an adult trapped inside a little girl's body, it is driving me insane, fighting between being a child, and being an adult. When I look at males my age up to about 22 I just dont find them attractive, It's not that they aren't attractive physically, I just find them immiture and really young. and I always fall for men in their 20's or 30's, buisness men in suits or something, I don't know what it is about them, but what am I to do?? There is no way I can get involved with someone that age, because they just see me as a little girl. I am so depressed. I feel like I am hiding myself all the time. I dont get on with my family, because I don't speak to my dad because he left, and my mum and sister and brother all have personality dissorders, and my sister also has schizophrenia. I don't know where to turn, I don't want to be patronised by counsilling, I just want somewhere I can be myself. I just don't know where to turn. Honestly if anyone can give me advice, that would be great.Thanks to anyone that reads this.
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female
reader, inkydoo  +, writes (17 July 2008):
i know that this is an old thread, but i had to speak up. it sounds like you're lonely and don't have people to relate to. your family isn't a good emotional anchor, so it seems like you're looking to establish a romantic relationship to fill this void.
this is probably not a good idea.
i have found that developing friendships with older adult females helps a lot, especially since i did not have a reliable (a little psychotic) mom. once you have that type of grounding, i think you might find that you LIKE being 15 again.
i had to grow up fast and take care of my little sisters, and i always felt like people were treating me like i was younger than i actually was, but now that i'm an adult, i LOVE being a goofball. i think i'm probably making up for lost time.
anyway, hope all is well and that you have lots of friends to lean on. you need support. it's not easy when a dad leaves and the remaining family cannot provide enough emotional support.
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (15 January 2008):
 chlez83's advice makes me unconfortable too. Stay away from meeting guys on the internet... it is DANGEROUS!
Answering your attraction to older guys... I have always been the same way. But you are only 15, under age. To have a relationship with an older guy now, would get him into trouble. There are Laws against it.
What's the rush? You have three more years to start dating older guys. At 18, you will be concidered LEGAL.
Study, get good grades so that you can go to college and establish a Carreer for yourself.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Chlez's advice makes me very uncomfortable, I don't think it's a very wise idea. However I do agree that perhaps talking to a counselor would be a great idea, they will not patronize you but perhaps truly give you some comfort. Time is your best friend here as well. You are not going to be fifteen forever. Try to get involved at school, if you stay busy the time will fly by, trust me.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (15 January 2008):
Maybe you should start chatting with older men online.Just to make friends.I'm sure you'll open up more to an older person but don't allow them to take advantage of you in any way.
Take care
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Don't shrug off males your own age so quickly.
I know what you're saying about most of them just not seeming as interesting as the older ones. (And I personally felt the same way about most teenage girls when I was a teenage boy, believe it or not.)
But the truth is that you can find some pretty mature teenagers out there. And part of that maturity tends to be that a lot of them don't draw as much attention to themselves. Teenage girls have a real habit of only paying attention to the loudest or most ostentatious or most quirky teenage boys, and then they complain that the boys are all "immature." See how that works?
And I'll tell you one more thing -- Any older grown man who is genuinely interested in a teenage girl is usually among the LEAST mature percentage of the men his age. (What do you think about teenage boys who are interested in girls many years younger? Well it's no different when it comes to grown men who are interested in 15yo girls.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Hey - I got my periods at age 10 so by the time I was your age I was also feeling just like you. I have always been attracted to older men - the maturity is just so appealing. Anyway... this is just one aspect of you not being able to 'be you' as you describe and I think you should really invest some quiet time, alone, with a pad and pen and write down exactly what that 'you' really is. Putting thoughts down logically like this helps to see what needs to be done to really live in an authentic way - so that we don't carry on with a 'mask' on, feel trapped or just become depressed. Writing this down will also help if you do decide to go for any counselling - but it would be a good starting point anyway. It will help boost your confidence and esteem when all around you is so disjointed and difficult to bear. Try and find space and time to really live out those things you discover about yourself are you. It could be simply that you like reading a magazine for half an hour each day, or that you really want to die your hair or that you love being by the sea.
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (14 January 2008):
I read you letter and just wanted to give you a really big hug!! It sounds as if you are crying out for someone to love you and notice that you are there and hurting.
Counselling is not patronising honey - it really helps a lot of people who are suffering emotionally like you. I have a counsellor who is a really nice person, and never patronises me, or thinks that what I worry about is stupid. It is a great help to have someone to talk to and who can give great advice and help you to work out what is in your head.
It may be that you find older men attractive because you think that they can take care of you - you say that your dad left and you can't rely on your family for support. This is something a counsellor would be able to address with you and help you to work out.
There are support groups and phone numbers for family members of people who have mental health problems. You could talk to your GP about this - he should know contact details for them. They will have other people there who have the same experiences as you. They will understand how hard things are for you and how lonely you feel.
Please talk to your GP about how you are feeling - he will understand and be able to help you.
Take care of yourself
xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): I understand what you mean i started talking to this 31 year old guy. We both like eachother but know coz of the age gap its kinda immposible that it can go anywhere.
Dnt be in a hurry to grow up. Maybe u look towards older men for comfort almost like a parent figure that you've never really had. It doesnt like things at home are too great so you want a boyfriend to be able to count on. n im guessing guys your age just dont do this.By the sounds of your home life u've had to grow up fast.
Maybe try talking to guys online. But dont tell them your age. Becareful tho meeting older guys could get you into alot of trouble, remember not all oldeer guys can be trusted.
Sorry i cant give much real advise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Well.If 20 year olds are too imature then the teenagers are apparently too immature also.Dont know what too tell you.Oh and if you like buisness men...are you sure you just dont like guys that are into things like stock market?if thats the case its just the personality(and possibly cash)that is bothering you.
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