A
female
age
41-50,
*lou oog
writes:Hi everybody well I need some of your opinion. Well I was engage for 16 years he never ask me 2 marry I am the one who always asked him when are we going 2 get married his answer always is someday. Well we had some problems like 7 months ago so I broke the engagement It started 2 years ago when his friend moved in by us. They where like a couple doing everything together and he isn't married or have a girlfriend. What I mean by doing everything 2gether is going to town never ask me if I want to go with. Taking a sunday drive don't ask me. And he would verbally abuse me in front of him like there is nothing wrong with it. He would call me all sorts of names and he dosn't care if this guy is in the same room. I couldn't take it anymore I was tired and stress out. I repeatedly ask him please don't talk 2 me like I am a maid or a whore but he didn't care. We start drifting apart there wasent that flame anymore he will never tell me you look pretty instead he would say where are you going (just 2 work). But know here comes the big story when I broke my engagement I was still staying with him I met this wonderful man He is kind sweet saying all that stuff a woman wants 2 hear and we fell in love I told my ex that I want to move out becouse our relasionship doesn't go now where So I stay in a flat with my kids my ex is so controling over me and a joules type of guy. I told him I want 3 months 2 sort out my life and I want to see if he can change. But in this 1 1/2 months he is worse than ever. Now that I have feelings for this other guy my ex said if it is what I want then we can get married so I told him I dont want 2 marry you becouse it would feel like I pused you into marry me. He said that if he see me with ather man then he will kill me. I dont know if I love my ex or is it just that security that I always had with him. If I dont see my ex then I feel like a wonderful person but as soon as I see him then all that old feeling came back again I realy love this other guy Please just give me some advice what I should do I am so confused.
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female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 First of all I feel bad for u and I'm sorry for what ur going thro. I relize why u want to get married and it's a valid reason. 16yrs. is a very long time to wait and it also shows ur loyalty to endure this for such a time. It seems this man might be afraid of commitment or by the way u say he treats u might be taking u for *granted*. The way he treats u especially in front of his friend is unexceptable. There is a difference between having a private arguement and one infront of ppl. In my opinion it is disrespectful to argue infront of ppl. You can not blame his friend because ur b/f is the one that makes the decision. No one can make someone treat another badly ur b/f does it on his own. I would very much like u think of how it would be if ur married, do u think his behaviour will change after ur married? or will it continue on as is now? I'm sorry to say that what u wrote doesn't sound very healthy to me.
I will say to u without judging anyone of u to try to take a rest from eachother. Seek concelling, and try to resolve this prob. You have waited for 16yrs. a few more months, or even another year will not hurt for the both of u to go and seek help. If he is willing to go it will be a sign of him wanting to try to understand the situation. The name calling is unexceptable it is geared nothing more than to hurt, and it might be a start of something that will continue, and maybe lead into something more harmful, and u don't want to stay in something such as this because it will not subside. Some relationships become toxic more like a love/hate relationship. It is true there 2 sides to every story, but for the sake of ur mental well being i do strongly suggest u ask ur b/f very nicely, non confrontational that he if really still loves u and u both still want to be together to go and seek perfessional help.
You did say u had children. I will add this with great respect. This is not a healthy state for children either. People think children don't see/hear what goes on. Not only do they see/hear what goes on, but they can feel the stress/tension that is around them. Please think of them also.
My heart goes out to you and I wish u the best of luck.
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