A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:HiI feel like a stuck record about this but it's really bugging me!I split with someone just over a month ago. Was a year long nightmare relationship. All is good, I can't stand the bloke. He rang Friday night trying to explain things 'cuz he loves me' I told him to get lost, I've had a ball since we split and I certainly dont wanna be hearing from him. Put the phone down.Anyway it's my brother that's really grated on me!Well both of them.We haven't really spoken since me and the ex split, my brother is working cash in hand for the ex temporarily, my brother is a boozer, 25 and sniffs junk up his nose.Now they have started drinking in the beer garden next to my house. RIGHT next to my house. My mum says don't over react, your brother knows people in there. He didn't use the place before! They both live miles away from here, it's not their local!3 times in the last week my exe's van has been outside the pub, I can see it from my bedroom window.My 10 year old walks round to the shop next to the pub, the path goes right past the beer garden, only a stream seperating path and beer garden.Please can someone tell me not to get stressed about it.I have accepted that me and my brother won't have anything to do with each other anymore. But how can they be so insensitive about my kids. They know they play out with their mates and my daughter especially isn't going to know whether to say hi to him, ask when she can see his daughter that she loved, or what? She will feel real uncomfortable. I haven't mentioned it to them yet, just pray she doesn't want to go round the shop.When I was with him, I knew he was lying about something and he actually text my kids' phones to tell them he wasn't a liar, only to confess to said lie after we split. So I know he will try turning my kids, as well as my brother against me. They are only 12 and 10. It worked with my brother but he's welcome to him. But not my kids.I am so annoyed at them both. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but don't you think they are being insensitive???? Or is it me just getting on my high horse. I just feel like I want to move at the moment!C xxxx
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 August 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Penta
Oooh never thought of that actually. Maybe it will help me understand why he has turned on his own family in favour of someone whos only use to him is money.
Thanks for that.
C xxxxxx
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Well, that's different! [grin] Hold your head up, get a laugh at what we aunts goofed up, and smile that he's not someone you have to have in your life forever!
As for your brother, that's hard. It sounds like you might want to check out "Al-Anon" or "Nar-Anon" -- it's like Alcoholics Anonamous, but it's for the family/friends of the user. I found it EXTREMELY helpful.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 August 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh blimey no, hes not my kids dad! hehe Kids dad is a decent guy & i certainly wouldnt of had children with this guy im talking about!
Was only with this guy just on a year, and hes not on drugs either, yet. Although thats not my concern now.
I wouldnt of been with him 5 minutes if he had been on drugs!
My brother is the only one on drugs.
They are both everyday drinkers though. My brother is 25, my ex is 33. I know my brother is only hanging out with him because hes got money & money is what makes my brothers world go round. I havent done anything but help my brother in the past, so for him to 'choose' my ex over me is all money related, hes buying him drinks and paying him 40 quid cash in hand a day to labour for him at the moment.
Ive decided im NOT going to leave this house. I like it here, the kids like it here & why should i feel pushed out. I shall ignore them & hope they get bored & go somewhere else.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (7 August 2007):
Take a deep breath. Then sit down with your kids and tell them the truth. But here's the important thing: do what you can to AVOID bad-mouthing their father.
Your kids are smart. They're going to see how their dad acts. It will catch up to him. But you need to avoid sounding like you're attacking him (it will make them want to defend him). Let them know that while you want them to see him, while he's drinking isn't a good time.
See if you can find a mediator (court appointed or hired) who can be there when you talk to your ex about what he's doing. He needs to hear it from a 3rd party, since he's obviously choosing your local to bug you.
Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, missconfused +, writes (7 August 2007):
 i think your reacting like a mother that is bullshit what ur ex is doin and your brothers maybe you should look for another place to live or bring the topic to your family and the police you have to be brave and strong your children are your life and therefore you should find a way to protect them at any cost your brothers are off it if its true the are sniffing you know what its betr to keep them away from you too ppl change and habits sometimes are stronger than the heart so be careful think about movin somewhere else its the best thing
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): If you know they're sniffing junk, can you call the police? I know it's your brother, but maybe have a talk to him and tell him that you don't like him being around where your kids can see him drinking and etc. Also tell him if he doesn't find a new hangout that you are going to call the police on him for doing drugs. I wouldn't threaten him, I would put it like "sniffing coke is illegal and I'd hate for someone to see you doing it out there and have the police called on you" I don't know. The best thing to do about the ex is to totally ignore him 100% because if you keep talking to him, even to tell him to get lost, he will still bother you because he is getting a response out of you. I went through the same thing with my ex. I eventually just started ignoring him and he left me alone. It took a few months. If this doesn't work, tell him you're going to get a restraining order against him. You are right to be upset about this. I would be and I for sure wouldn't want to see my ex who I hate hanging around my house every day. I don't think I'd feel very safe either.
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