A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Please can you help me??? feel like a failure.. and feel like all these things are wrong with me. I am 28 and 29 in Feb, that is almost 30 and have not much in my life, I don't have my own house, car etc. I live in a rented room in a house share with 3 21 year olds. I am trying to so my driving lessons at the moment so I can get car and drive... I am not married and feel like I am far to doing any of that stuff, getting married and buying a house with someone I love. I work in a awful job, 12 hours a day for terrible pay 18,000 a year. I have no savings or money at at all. I have recently been accepted on to a course, to be a social worker, but that does not start until September 2010. Then I am also going to be a 30 year old student for 3 years! all my friends are settled and married and own houses or having kids. I don't know anyone at my age who still lives in tiny room share and on this pay in bad job, I feel like I am 21 not almost 30! Also I hate the fact I look young. I have a genetic condition which means I am 4 foot 11 and look like I am about 16. So much so that I am never taken seriously. Even at work, everyone knows my age, but they treat me like I am 18, because they forget, My boss is 5 years younger then me and treats me absolute shit and I know I am getting out in a year, just feel like though I can't go on. I dress my age, but I just have the youngest face and eyes and my height means that I look average of 16. Again this adds to my failure feeling, as I am never taken seriously, only getting chatted up by man who are 16/17 and just feel like at this age, shouldn't I have grown up a bit... why at 30 is my life still like a 18 year olds!!!
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (7 September 2009):
 It seems that you're trying to change the circumstances of your life, and that at the same time you're battling with some self-image problems.
One thing you can work on is self-image and getting respect. If people are not treating you well because of your diminutive size, then you need to speak up and assert yourself.
You're an adult, and yet you are subsisting in a "frat house" and struggling to make ends meet. Being treated badly by those at your workplace is unacceptable. If anything, they should appreciate the fact that you're laboring there 12 hours a day for crappy pay.
No I will say this much. Personally women who are 4'11" and fit into the "young miss" sizes are attractive to me. I am not saying that other types aren't but there's nothing wrong with being shorter and cuter than other women who actually may have to battle the opposite end of the spectrum (being too tall in their minds).
The point I'm getting at is that your looks are only a small part of the overall picture here.
I can't speak to the professional issues, in terms of jobs and working for school and such. But I can tell you that if you want to attract the right man into your life, you need to start with working on your own self-image.
Think of it this way, when you look in the mirror, say to yourself that you're cute, sexy or whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself. Forget the size issue and look at yourself.
Then look inside you. What are your real qualities? What kind of man are you looking for? What kind of man DONT you want, in other words figure out what your boundaries are.
Then find out how happy you are inside. Are you happy inside? Try working on that.
Every one of these things is going to help you attract someone to yourself.
As far as your friends moving on in life, marrying and having kids. Its obvious to me that you want that kind of a life, so right there it tells us that the man you want is a good husband and a "keeper". He's someone who can help provide a home for you and children and will be there for you.
All of that's easy to figure out. But the first step is feeling comfortable in your own skin, and with your own heart. If you're going into social work, its important for you to have these qualities anyway. Try working on yourself esteem, your self-love, self-respect and assert yourself when people treat you unkindly at work.
All of this is the best anyone can tell you at the moment.
But also, as a concluding remark I have to say that you don't have to be jealous of or alternatively envy your friends' lives either. Its what you want, not what they have that counts.
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