A
female
age
41-50,
*odkablue
writes:i really need some help as i just feel awful.i feel as thought i can never forgive myself for something i did,6 years ago i was friends with a guy at work. i liked him a lot to talk to and he made me laugh. i ws engaged to another guy at the time who i felt didnt love me, saw that i was good at looking after the house and that was it-didnt really give a stuff about my feelings etc. im not trying to justify myself but i feel like a bitch. im not a horrible person but feel guilty because i eventually split with my ex.at the time my male friend was dating another girl at where we worked so my ex thought it would be good to email her and let her know that me and my friend were cheating on her aswell-definitely didnt happen so i was quite hurt for him to do that.i know i probbably shouldnt have been friends with him but i felt so lonely with my fiance and his lack of care towards me. how can i forgive myself please ont judge me too harshlyanyway a short time after my male friend seperated with his girlfriend and i dont know if it was a lonliness thing but we ended up dating. me and my first ex had some mutual friends where i worked.he had moved up north where we had the house-which he kept. they said i was better off without him.anyway fast forward 5 years-my first ex got married this year and the guy im still with has left me financially insolvent and emotionally on the floor. i couldnt envisage how bad my life is.hearing my first ex got married has left me devastated. i havent slept properly or eaten properly for weeks. i cant understand how after so long this news would affect me. i feel so bad.the guy im with now im finished with he has left me penniless. hes never loved me and i regret ever meeting him. everyone i used to know hates me and had taken my first ex's side. im still paying this other guy to stay where hes living because i feel so bad .please please can anyone give me advice i feel like a dirty cheating tramp. im a good person and yes ive made huge mistakes. im in tears as im writing this i just feel like rubbish
View related questions:
at work, engaged, fiance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Everyone makes mistakes Hun. In fact i myself made the same mistake with someone that i was with for 24 years. But you know what? Everything was actually for the best because i found out later that she was cheating on me for years, and i am much happier without her. There is no reason for you to feel like a tramp. All you did was to make a mistake. Things like this happens every day! You just need to realize that you made a mistake and go on with your life. Also you need to realize that everything happens for the best. I was devastated when my wife left,,, but 12 years later i realize that i am much happier without her. Now wipe your tears away and smile.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. We have all be through this at one stage and another whether we like to admit or not.
I can understand why you wanted another male to give you attention if your first ex was paying you know attention and taking you for granted. Yes you should have probably split first but then you didn't go out intentionally to fine love.
Your second boyfriends sounds like a git and obviously just used you and manipulated you while you were weak and vulnerable.
I suggest you hold your head up high because no one will boost your confidence but you. Stop paying for your ex!! Go to the gym to get endorphines running to help your mood and confidence. Move away if that helps and make new friends.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, vodkablue +, writes (6 July 2009):
vodkablue is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just wanted to say thankyou to those that took the time to respond
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): sometimes when we lose people close to us we only realise this too late. but there is no going back. you know the wrongs you have done to the ex and one day maybe he can forgive you. you made your bed wth this other guy who treated you will crap. but you stayed. so now you have the opportunity to do the right thing for yourself. move on and vow never to go down this road again. at least your ex has found true love. i think you messed him around and did not think that he will move on. i also think you are crying because you know how badly you have screwed up. but move forward and get your life on track. you have proven that the grass is not greener on the other side. at least you can try to make a better life for yourself. but make this count. seems like everyone else around you have moved forward and are in a better place except you. let this be a learning curb for you. you are still young and you have years ahead so make the future count.
...............................
A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (6 July 2009):
 We all make mistakes in life and love - it is learning from them and moving on which makes us strong.I can understand why you feel how you do but you really shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I bet both the guys you mention aren't in tears over you. ok I know it's not that easy and yes, it will probably take time.First thing you have to do is stop paying for the ex!After that, open a new chapter in your life-leave the past loves and mistakes behind. Actually buy a notebook if it helps, and start filling in the pages with the hopes and dreams for YOUR future. It will take time, but you really have to stop blaming yourself, stop putting yourself down and you will eventually move on-loads of people here, me included, have done just that.I wish you well.
...............................
|
