A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am living in the USA for some years now. I am a student and my family lives overseas. I am feeling very awkward socializing here. I like to talk with my classmates and share school relate experiences and just make friendly talks.. but it seems like here people does not like make friendships? Even one of my teachers one day caught me talking with one of my classmates and she said laud in the classroom that here is not places to make friends and if I want to make friends I should to go somewhere else...? I do not understand this thinking. Maybe is cultural differences? I am very spontaneous person, I like to laugh and make connections with people around me but seems that here it is impossible! Some times I come to the classroom and said Good morning and nobody answers back.. not even the persons I spoke with the day before so this behavior makes me very sad because I can not feel any connection with the people I see everyday...I did try to talk with some other people at the uni but every body seems very isolated is like there are but they are not, not sure how to explain that. The culture I come from is very friendly and people help each. One day I asked for help in one of the assignments and this person went to the instructor and told him that I am asking questions?? Is this normal? So the instructor came to me and said I do bother students when I ask so I must ask him. I getting very tired of the studies here not because the study itself but the social life..is there anything I can do to improve this feeling of not fitting here? Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): I was also an overseas student studying in England many years ago and yes you do get lonely most of the time because mainly you miss your family and friends and it seems to you that everybody in the new invironment are preocupied with their own lifes. Surely there must be other students from your culture in your university with whom you can make friends. Actually that sort of gathering becomes automatically when the people of the same nationality or culture bunch together. But in case you mean you want help from the others to do your homework or to copy their work then of course they refuse to help you. I think that is so in all cultures. You know the saying when in Rome do as the Romans do. You do exactly as they do regarding greetings and friendships with your class collegues and concentrate on your studies to succeed on your own merits. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2019):
 To be honest, I have found that Americans (in general) are curious about other cultures and nationalities. So I think finding a place where people go TO SOCIALIZE is probably the best move. Like a club after school/on campus.
So figure out what clubs/groups are available that YOU are interested in and seek them out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): I am sorry that you are going through this situation. I had same issue when I was new in this country. In last 13 years I was able to make friends only from my own culture.
To be honest I don’t know why we don’t connect with them but I was 27 when I came here. You are 22 so much younger then I .
If you will adopt their culture you are going to make friends .
Unfortunately, we are very different then them this is the way I feel in last 13 years.
We have big age difference otherwise I could offer you my friendship ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2019): For Honeypie..well seems like you answer is just another way to confirm what I am talking about.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2019):
I agree with your professor/teacher that it's NOT the "right" or "appropriate" time to trying to make friends while you are in class. you (and ALL the other students) are there to LEARN, not chit chat.
Doesn't mean you can't TALK to people at all in class, but you NEED to figure out when it's OK and when it's not. For instance if the teacher asks the students to debate an issue/subject or work on pairs or groups, it can be OK to be SOCIAL at this stage as long as the work gets done too. After all YOU are also there to FURTHER your education, not just to find people to hang out with, right?
If you are LOOKING to make friends I'd suggest you try to do so in social groups, such as NON curricular classes, there might be a amateur photographer group, or a hiking group, a museum group, etc.... and you can JOIN one of those if you also have a passion for that as well. You will meet people with whom you ALREADY have something in common with and you can build on that further, into friendships.
You also have to remember that this is COLLEGE, not high-school anymore. These students' parents PAY for them to get educated, not for them to sit and be social during class.
And yes, if you need help with an assignment, TALK to your teacher first, consider a tutor perhaps.
You can also consider getting an on campus job after school or in your free periods. Or volunteering as a tutor, for instance in your native language.
You can look into social groups where people come from all over the World, many collages have international groups.
You have PLENTY of opportunities to work on a social life. It might take a bit more because you are not totally familiar with the culture and language but that will come over time.
The World is not going to adapt to accommodating you, so.. work on adapting to the World that you now live in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): I'm not american but no, this doesn't sound very normal. I do think you're probably being discriminated against because you're from another country. People can be very rude to foreigners. Does your university have clubs or societies you could join? Does your town have any cultural centres for people from your country. (For example if you were chinese, they might have a chinese welfare association or an international students support hub?)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): OP, going to university is a very expensive undertaking, and time is at a premium, both to instructors and students. You need to understand that anything that wastes time in class, is not desirable. There are rules in a classroom setting. No cross talk between students during lecture time. There are times and places to socialize and make good friends ie your dorm, the student union, the book store, at the gymnasium, and at coffee shoppes. There are certain class times where students do interact such as during lab time, however even those times should be dedicated to the work at hand, with your lab partners. Start with being a friend to you own roommate and expand outward to your suitemates and further to your floormates. Americans are generally very accepting of other races and cultures especially on college campuses which are usually quite liberal places! Learn some classmates names, and when you enter, maybe forget the blanket good morning, and speak to the girl who sits beside you, with How are you today?
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