A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I get along great. We have the same values, same goals. He is my best friend. We have a great time together and I can see us raising a family one day. The sex is great. He is everything I have ever wanted.BUT... when we kiss THERE IS NO SPARK. I tried waiting it out but nope there is no spark.I have addressed this issue to him. I still think this is unresolved. Before him I had 2 serious relationship. the first was a magical explosive spark. The one where I thought that the guy was my soulmate after the first kiss. The 2nd had no spark.. Long story short 2nd guy was a jerk (dishonestly, unfaithful,drugs,borrowed money,etc). Anyways after the relationship with the 2nd guy ended. I decided that I needed to reevaluated what it is I wanted in a relationship. 2 years later I met guy #3. Now guy #3 is everything I have ever wanted. He is the most generous, kindest person I have ever met. But I still feel like there is a small piece that is missing. that spark. we just don't have it. I just desperately want the spark with HIM.I talked to him about it and he said he only had that intense feeling with one girl who turned down his proposal and dumped him. He truly believes that a spark of that magnitude only happens once. He said we should just be happy with what we have.my problems are:-I feel like no matter how good our relationship is, I don't have that one small piece to complete it. I need that feeling to just know.-I feel inferior to his ex because he doesn't have that spark with me -We are both really picky but even with our weird rules (no tv in the house,no video games, board game nights,etc) A part of me feels like we are both settling.-We are happy but I want it to be the kind of happiness where YOU JUST KNOW and there is no doubt in your mind.I feel that he is perfect for me...just not made for me. If only we had the spark..I would marry him tomorrow!Anyways, this is driving me crazy!
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (21 March 2011):
 What in the Hell is a spark? What does it feel like? Can you explain it? You say, "the type of kiss where you just know" he's your soulmate. I don't know about anyone else, but I feel that relationships everywhere would be in a lot of trouble if they all based on "that spark".You say that you two get along great, have the same values/goals, that you could see raising a family with him. WHAT'S THE PROBlEM?! Who cares about a feeling from kissing him? You say the sex is great. Why isn't that enough? I don't understand what you're looking for.As far as feeling inferior to his ex, you have no right to. You stated yourself that you had that "spark" with the first serious relationship you were in, so does that mean that HE does not measure up to YOUR expectations? You really need to evaluate what you want out of this relationship, and relationships in general. But don't give up on a great relationship just because of a "sparkless" kiss. Good luck.
A
female
reader, mrs.ophelia +, writes (21 March 2011):
This is tough. What you might want to do is give yourself some time apart as that might help you to figure out what you are looking for. As far as the "spark" concept, it isn't the be-all, end-all for a marriage to work or last. After the dating/courtship phase is over and the two of you marry you will have to work as a team to handle all sorts of life's ups & downs. The big ones count like, trust, moral values, family, money. If you see eye-to-eye on those big issues, you are more likely to have a better chance at sticking it out when kids come along and when you have some problems come up. Chemistry is important, but only to a degree. I had chemistry and the spark with another person previous to my spouse and honestly it ran a little intense for my liking and almost bordered on obsession with the jealous feelings I had to deal with. If you love this man and could see spending your life together raising a family I would say that is more important. I've heard from other women that dating right now is tough and I wouldn't want any part of it. Pray about and go with the peace you have in your heart. Hope this helps.
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