| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel inferior all the time. I don't know why. I mean, I've always had some issues with my self esteem, but usually I did pretty good and was fairly happy with myself. Of course in high school this was normal, as I wasn't pretty or popular, so I had my share of rejections and mocking, but I felt good about myself anyway. I felt happy and confident about my brains, and to some extents my talents (artsy type). I didn't have problems having fun, or laughing at myself, I was pretty relaxed and didn't care much about my appereance.However, ever since I started college I feel inferior. God knows why. I'm still smart, I'd say I'm doing even better than back in high school! The problem is I feel inferior in other aspects; like I feel ugly compared to everyone, boring, obnoxious, ignorant (about some pop culture stuff mainly, like everybody knows the lyrics to some pop folk song, but I've never even heard it), nerdy (because I know MANY things, that a lot of people haven't heard of), clumsy ('cause I suck at sports and dancing) etc. I feel good about myself about being smart, I feel capable... but now not even my talents make me feel satisfied with myself because of course there are people (a lot of girls, mostly) who play better guitar than me.I don't know why I keep comparing myself to everyone in every aspect and I always feel like I come up short. It's so stupid. I have no idea why I feel like this. I even compare myself to my sister and feel inferior (awful, I know). I feel paranoid that I'm not enough for my boyfriend (because there are lot of smart girls who're also PRETTIER, FUNNIER, and BETTER at guitar - forgot to mention we play together and he digs girls who are musicians). I feel inferior to my friends. I just don't know, I feel so insignificant and dull... I don't know! I feel zero confidence and like I could never be considered pretty or fun. Like I can only rely on my brains. That's the ONLY thing I'm secure about. But who wants to eventually be a hermit, right? I've become intolerant to jokes, I don't know, I feel I'm being criticized even if a light-hearted joke is made about me. I feel insecure if my boyfriend says another girl (usually a celeb) is pretty or hot. I mean, I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm not fat... I have what some people say, a decent body, but I don't see it, especially since my face and hair are ugly (nobody ever compliments me on those!), I feel repulsive. I feel bad when my classmates tell me that my sister is more extroverted and spontaneous than me. I feel totally lame when everyone knows about something that I don't know anything about (like some reality show that I never watch). Etc... I think you get the picture.But trust me, I'm not lying when I say that I ONLY feel secure about my brains and NOTHING ELSE. That I'm paranoid about my boyfriend thinking I'm dull and ugly. I swear I feel EVERYONE else is better, yet I don't know how to stop it, this is making me miserable but I don't have a solution. I'm just paranoid thinking everyone else is better.
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female
reader, Lani702  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 I suffered from the same feelings, honey, let me tell you! My sister is a talent goddess. She sings beautifully, she plays 4 or 5 instruments, she's funny, she's charismatic, everyone who knows her loves her. When she was around no one paid any attention to me. I felt down about myself all of the time. I just couldn't compare to her. Rather, I came up drastically short when I compared myself to her. So do you know what I had to do to get over that? I HAD TO STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO HER.Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The cold, hard truth is that feeling inferior is all coming from you. You said, "I feel bad when my classmates tell me that my sister is more extroverted and spontaneous than me." That's what they say. But what you HEAR is: "She's better than you."Honey, no one can fix this problem, only you, since you are the one creating the problem. That sounds harsh, but its true, isn't it? Go re-read your post. All through it you say, "I feel, I compare, ...and 'I know its stupid'" Which is a good thing, because, down deep inside, you know you're being WAY too hard on yourself, don't you?So how to fix it? I offer you suggestions that personally worked for me:1. Anytime a feeling of inferiority hits you, think of a quality that you like about yourself. My sister was full of talent and people loved to watch her, but she was terrible at helping people feel good about themselves and I was good at that. So when people say, "your sister this." Don't think "Sigh, yeah, and I suck." Think instead "Yes she is! She's great! But she's not me and I'm good at so and so!"2. Concentrate on something you like, anything, whether it be guitar or poetry or drawing a picture, and perfect that talent. Work on it, hone your craft. Don't do it to be the best, just do it because you enjoy it.3. Stop comparing yourself! In other words, Stop Torturing Yourself! There will ALWAYS be someone better than you at ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! But they cannot, and never will be, a better YOU. Because there is only ONE of YOU. Stop thinking that your boyfriend could do so much better or that you feel stupid because people know words to a song that you don't know. WHO CARES? Like they say, don't sweat the small stuff and it's ALL small stuff.4. Please start concentrating on your good qualities. There really is only one of you. Its up to you to be the BEST you on the planet. Or the WORST you on the planet. And being the BEST you on the planet means thinking that you are great, you are wonderful and you have a lot to offer the world, and yourself.I hope my words have helped. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Learn to believe in yourself again. You know you have brains, you can rely on that at least, and you have other stuff you enjoy doing. Maybe spend more time on your hobbies so that you have less time to think. Spend more time in team activities so tat you can learn again how to react with others around you.
And you have a boyfriend - who is with you because he loves you. That should boost your self-confidence some! x
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