A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't shake what happened between my ex bf and I over the summer and am unsure of what to do. The month of March was really rocky for my boyfriend and I. We had been dating for 4 years and a lot of stress was coming to a head. I was graduating school in May and was working on a bathroom remodel that I wanted to get done by graduation for my family coming to visit. He was very unhelpful and I ended up being really rude and just a downer in general due to stress. I couldn't handle the stress of school, remodeling, and the relationship and eventually at the end of March we had a talk about how it didn't seem to be working. My mom then informs me that she had made reservations for both of us to go on a weekend cruise with the family. He tells me he's not going because his heart isn't 100% there and doesn't feel it's okay to be around my family. He also does not go to my graduation. So my graduation and cruise were pretty much ruined. My mom had to tell the cruise people to stop doing all the cute romantic stuff in the room and it was just hard in general. I decided at this point not to contact him anymore. I came back from the cruise and he called the day I came back and kept wanting to hang out the whole month of May. I FOUND OUT AT THE END OF MAY HE HAD SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE I WAS ON THE CRUISE. I was heartbroken and in shock, he was crying on the phone about how he loved me right before I left. Why would he keep calling after he went off with someone else? He told me he could never kiss or be with someone else and then with me because it wouldn't feel right. This was a promise he offered to me without any suggestion from me. **Why make promises I didn't ask for and you have no intention of keeping them? My main problem is that he put my health at risk, he lied to me, he is into casual sex with girls he doesn't even like and I didn't think he was like that. He didn't come out and tell me, I found out and approached him, so I wonder if he would've ever told me. It wasn't a one time mistake thing either he had sex with her 3-4 times. Her car was broken so he had to pick her up from her place, meaning out of his way, not a "oh it just kind of happened thing" This crushed me and I went home (upstate) about a week after finding out to clear my head. I spent the summer there June-August. I did not sleep with anyone else or do anything but hang with family and friends and just try to feel normal. It took me until the end of August to feel okay with the thought of dating and maybe sex with someone else. And that's something that bothers me, it took one month out of a relationship to jump to someone else for him, and while im on a cruise beside myself he is off actively hooking up with someone. I feel so completely disrespected. I try to put myself in his shoes but I can't justify what he did. I would never skip his graduation, the cruise and then sully that time period further for him by choosing to hook up with someone else. I know it's stupid because who cares when it happened but it sucks I look back on my graduation pics and see how sad I looked. All my family says is that it didn't have to be that way and he pretty much had a choice to make it crappy and did.He said he slept with her because he didn't think we were getting back together and he was trying to move on.........I think that it's a crock, why did he keep calling me then. He sleeps with another girl the weekend im gone then calls me the Monday I get back. You want to move on?--Then move on.... No integrity in any of his actions makes it hard not to question the surety of his feelings now that he supposedly wants to give it another shot. I don't know how to get over this.I don't know if I should get over it.Advice? Similar stories? Any help is very much appreciated, and thanks for taking the time to read!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response, that is the feeling I was getting as well.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it. He probably doesnt want to settle down and by going on the cruise etc he may be seen as that. He isnt ready to settle into a relationship with you. He probably tried the other woman out, realized that he likes you better and just hoped to pick up where he left off. You need to remember all the stuff he didnt want to get involved with before, like the graduation, the rennovations, the cruise etc. He may have been thinking of cheating on you during the time he wasnt interested before you actually split up, tried it out then thought again and wanted you back. Just be careful what you do it sounds like he could be treating you like second best. At the very least give him a very hard time before you decide. Make him work for it. Hope this helps
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