A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys just wanted your help plz. I have been with my gf for nearly 7months we have a good relationship. i dnt know whether im in love with her, bt i do feel close ot her. she says she has never felt like this for anyone before which is quite touching. i have never felt comfortable and able to be myself with a girl b4.Only i have problem. i dont know whether its depression or not. She is my first girlfriend and we are still both virgins. she has been with two other guys before, one for about two months and one for two weeks .they both cheated on her. she has also had a fling n kissed a few random guys. Ok i know she had done all that before she was with me and i appreciate her being honest with me. But it bothers me she is more experience. Im an allrite looking guy n i have liked girls before but for sum reason i never had the balls to take it further. i had a fear of rejection. The problem i have is that i also want to be experienced but at the same time i dont want to lose this girl, I keep feeling regret that I havnt had experience before and that was down to my low self confidence. i keep wanting 2 turn the clock back. I feel stupid that i want to be experienced, but i dont want any other girl but this girl at the moment. I dont want to let her go also cuz i have a fear that no other girl will want me. I havnt had a good experience with girls and being rejected hurts. i also regret other areas of my life and feel low about myself. I want to have a vision in my life n go forward n make my family happy. I also want to be happy with my girl!!! she does care for me like no1 other girl has.I keep having this burning feeling within me everytime the thought of her past comes up. i dont make myself think of her past it just happens. the silly thing is she hasnt even done much in comparison to other 20year old girls. it bothers me cuz shes done more then me! i keep wanting to ask about the guys n what they did together. I know that when she tells it will make it worse, so i dont ask. I need help in this area to. I dont know whats wrong with me. my head is in a mess! I also feel envious of her friendship group. its so nice how they are close n chat to each other. im always wishin i had that. Dont get me wrong. i do appreciate all of my close friends but im always comparing myself not only to my gf bt other people too and i feel my life isnt that good. I am under alot of pressure from family at the moment too and feel i cant do things, even things like geting a house sorted for them. Just the thought of responsiblity, I dont believe in myself. Its even lil things like on msn, everytime i sign on not everyone talks to me and i feel keep having to make the effort. Even on facebook, stupid tings like writing on peoples on walls( writing messages) this bothers me cuz no1 writes just like that on my wall. whereas on my gfs wall so many people write things and i feel like crap and no1 cares about me. Theses feeling have happening for a long time n i want to get ride of them! I am always masturbating too, i find it helps but im doing it too much! Can someone help me sort out my life n show me how to be positive outlook? am i depressed??. Im always having this fake smile for people n they think im a happy person bt im not deep down. HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE SORT ME MY LIFE OUT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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both virgins, confidence, depressed, facebook, her past, msn, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (10 July 2007):
 First off, no-one can sort your life out for you, but your self asteem seems to have hit rock bottom. For what ever reason, you dont seem to have any faith in yourself and for that reason, you have all these other feelings of no-one wanting you, or caring for you, or wishing you had what others have. It is normal when you suffer from low self asteem.
You are the only one though that can change this. You have to have a vision. What do you want out of life? Do you want to go to college or do you want to someday have your own business? Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
You need to make your vision happen. It doesnt happen by itself! You have to tell everyone else that this is what you are going to do, and do it!
I have my own business now. I started out doing little jobs where no-one knew me, or I'm pretty sure even knew I existed. I was you 10 years ago. But I had a vision that I was going to own my own business and have a wonderful and successful business and 10 years later, I do! But it didnt just land on my lap. It took a lot of hard work and energy! I had to do a lot of thinking about what "I wanted" not what other people expected of me. I too had a lot of pressures because I had just emmigrated from South Africa. I had nothing, not even a roof over my head. I had to get that sorted out within a matter of days of me landing at Heathrow! Not a small feat, but I did it because I had a vision and I knew what I wanted!
You just seem to have lost your way a bit!
You also say that sexually you want to be more experienced. Why? The most special thing that you can ever give someone is your virginity and its not to be handed over to someone that you are not sure whether you love them or not on a silver plate! You have to wait for that special person to come along. Making love is not about being experienced it is about wanting to show that person how you feel about them, and how much they mean to you. With each sexual partner, you have to find out what they like first before they feel pleasure. To do this, you need to know a little about the person, and want to please them sexually, but you have to work together on what they like in bed.
Anyone can have sex, but it is meaningless and I dont find it to be gratifying at all. In fact it makes me feel used and totally alone.
Wait for that special girl to come along. Dont rush into anything. If she is the right one and perhaps she has some experience, she will appreciate the fact that you have waited all this time, just for her!
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