A
female
age
36-40,
*adaergd
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We both work together. Lately, this new girl started working there too. She slept with his best friend (whom also work there), and two other employees. My boyfriend and I have been fine until this with any jealousy/trust issues. I started to get a little uncomfortable with this girl being around my boyfriend when we were eating dinner with my boyfriend and she talked about how much she loves giving oral sex. It just made me very uncomfortable. In a "should you be saying this in front of my boyfriend?" I didn't confront her then, I just let it slide. But then, I started to hear that she flirts and follows my boyfriend around like a love sick dog. One person told me that in response to something she said, she said to my boyfriend "I better stop before your girlfriend gets angry." To me, that is her trying to see if my boyfriend is as loyal or not. Trying to see how far she can go, you know? Anyway, a lot of things just began to boil up until one night when she asked us both to go out to dinner again with her. I, at this point, wasn't very comfortable with her but did not want any confrontation so I said "I don't know." Then later my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go.. So I pulled him aside and told him that she makes me feel very uncomfortable when she's around him, that it's not that I don't trust him, it's her putting him in situations I don't want him to be in. Her reputation really doesn't very much. Anyhow, so, he agreed to stop talking to her unless work called for it. But then, she asked him why I wasn't so open to her anymore, and he said he didn't know. Then told me that if I didn't tell her why, he was going to, because he doesn't like lying. So I told her how I felt, in a mature manner, trying not to cause any confrontation. She told me that she didn't find him attractive and that she was sorry for making me feel that way and so on and so forth. So we cleared it up -- though words aren't enough to just make me trust her again. At least, it's too soon for us to go back to hanging out. So, we were on okay terms until she asked a friend of mine "So do you hate me just because she hates me?" as the greeting. I asked her to not drag it on, because it was over and done with and I didn't hate her. But then, she talked to my boyfriend today, of which my friend overheard them saying "I just don't get it." and he said "Maybe it's just a girl thing." Which maybe he's trying to just push it off.But then, today. I was talking to him about the situation, and he made me feel like I was basically wrong for feeling this way because "She never flirted with him." and he "doesn't remember her saying 'better stop before your girlfriend gets mad.'" Which she did. She admitted it. And he said he doesn't remember her saying that -- which OKAY, maybe he doesn't! But then be understanding, you know? Stop making me feel like I am an insecure, outrageously jealous girlfriend.Then, just an hour ago, I asked him if he wanted to play frisby golf with me and his best friend and my best friend Ashley tomorrow. But if he didn't want to go, it's fine, that I'd still go. He replied with "I don't want you to go. It's a boy. He might hit on you. I don't want you around boys." in a very mocking tone and it really shocked me. It's almost like he was trying to start an argument. I didn't call him out on it, I just said "I have to call you back later. Ashley's here." I just feel like I am being this huge bitch for the way I feel and that he doesn't want to see my side of it. Please help. I feel like I ruined our relationship.
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best friend, flirt, insecure, jealous, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, badaergd +, writes (26 May 2010):
badaergd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (24 May 2010):
Well, four months in to a relationship, things are still a bit fragile and I can totally see why you might be feeling jealous / insecure about this situation. I think lots of people would.
You gotta remember, you both don't know each other well enough to feel entirely secure with each other, so it is understandable that you are feeling threatened.
What is important here is how your boyfriend behaves. It doesn't sound like you are "being jealous" for no reason here. Therefore, your boyfriend should really be on your side.
Trust your boyfriend to spend time around this girl, but also expect that he is on your side when tackling any issues. And don't blame yourself for "ruining your relationship". IF your relationship doesn't work out because of this, it isn't because of you, it is because you weren't both compatible with each other. Hope it all works out though.
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