A
female
age
,
*arlene
writes:i have been seeing a guy on and off for about 10 years.he says he loves me and i care a lot about him.but he thinks i should be happy with things the way they are.he lives with a woman they share nothing together but the home they made many years ago together.he doesn't understand why that upsets me. he says it has nothing to do with us. he shares my life with me but his life is like some big secret. oh he has told me how and why they got together.but they never got married and they don't care about each other or what the other does. i was married for 20 years but have long ago divorced. i can't see anyone staying together for 30 years and not even care anything about each other.how can i make him understand i want someone to love and be loved? not feel i am playing second to his messed up past.that if he wants to make a life with me he has to give up his past.i can't keep going on like this.what should do? i feel he will never see things for what they could and should be like.should i just tell him to go away and get on with my life.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Darlene +, writes (12 January 2007):
Darlene is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all your advice.i know now what i have to do.
i will miss him. but i should have told him to hit the hihgway a long time ago.thanks again i know i will be
better off.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 okay someone might say go to church u will meet some fine brothers, and one would say go to upmarket bars u will find fine eligible brothers who are ready to settle, one might say involve yourself in some charities or community upliftment programmes you will find compassionate brothers, one might suggest new hobbies where a lot of fine men are found, and someone like you might say why waist your time? you will never find love
but the bottom line is after all this trouble trying to mingle how do u get yourself noticed in all this places? and how do you pick a well-mannered brother? the truth is mingling alone is not really the solution when it comes to love, the solution is the way you carry yourself around these people and your confidence determine the brother you end up with. be careful dont walk around with the mind of getting a man and dont be desperate because u will find yourself with the wrong one. maybe for now take sometime off to clear your mind and to build-up your self esteem, u need to do that for yourself as no men will give you that instead you will just be clingy and needy and scare them away.
something that can help while on a date is to learn behaviors, dont be too impressed by materials or the conversation you had try to pick on some little things that can help you to identify personality, if your instict tells you, you have picked up a lemon believe me it is a lemon, so you have control and you can be able to decide whether to go on a second date or not, be yourself, dont rush things enjoy your moment of fun around people of all ages, at your age you can still have a lot of fun without taking things very seriously. just look for a friend and a companion if u will be able to achieve these two then love is within your reach.
remember it is never too late to find love and respect. just learn to differentiate being alone and being lonely, right now u think u are not alone but your post shows that you are very lonely because you are holding onto something that is not there or yours. good luck
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A
female
reader, Darlene +, writes (5 January 2007):
Darlene is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know the advice is what i should take but i am afraid of being alone.i know i can't find mr right with mr wrong in my life.but i am not sure there is a mr right for me.i have trouble meeting people.crazy but i don't really know how to mingle.everyone i have met seems to be a drunk or very abusive.my self esteem is very low and mr wrong is all i have.i know i deserve better but where do i go from here scares me to death.
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Why would this guy change your giving him everything he wants. Has you for loving moments and his other woman to wash his socks.
After 10 years this man is never going to change you will never have the life you want and deserve with this man. You should tell him your moving on and find someone who dserves what you have to offer.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): You need to meet someone free and single, get rid of him. He is with someone and with you, er, having his cake and eat it springs to mind. Please don't take this the wrong way but you knew he was someone elses when you met him, you might know he would never be able to give you 100%! Just get rid and meet someone else not someone with someone else!.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (5 January 2007):
i think telling him to go away will be the best decision you can ever make, he is totally unavailable emotionally as well, look for someone who will love you and be there for you, someone with the qualities you desire, do not repeat the same mistake twice.
this guy is stuck in his own life and seem to want to be where he is although unsure, so you cant wait for someone who decided to live his life as it is whether happy or not u might find yourself waiting forever. you deserve some stabilty and happiness in your life, so dont waist time anylonger to this guy. good luck
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