A
female
age
26-29,
*hapsodyRach
writes:Hey guys, Rach here. I'm a 19-year-old girl and this question is about my big brother-type person. We're really not siblings, just friends, but I consider him my big brother. I'll make this as brief as possible (tho tbh the story is pretty long) -- any advice would be very helpful bc I think I've exhausted all my advice outlets. So we met last year (we're in form 6 together) and one of my friends liked him back then. They were very close -- closer than we were last time -- and they frequently texted and took intimate pictures together (like hugging and hand holding with flirty captions etc). But then when she finally confessed her feelings for him, he turned her down and they stopped being close. On the other hand, bc he and I had to work together on a bunch of school projects, we got closer and eventually formed the whole "sibling bond" thing. She initially resented me bc "if you were really my friend, you wouldn't be so close to him" but eventually I grew to really adore him and properly consider him the big brother I never had. Anyway, beginning of this year until two months ago, we sat together during class and were as close as ever, but then they began being friendly again. And this honestly worried me at first (even though he constantly reassured me that he'd never ditch me for her) bc they WERE close once. And towards the middle of this year I honestly thought he was going to ditch me bc he began distancing himself and talking to her frequently and they even went for dinner, but after that he and I bonded again and everything was ok right up to when our teacher changed our seats. This new seating plan split us apart and I ended up on the other side of the room while he's a mere three seats away from this girl now. What concerns and worries me is the fact that nowadays he and I really don't talk much to each other anymore. He's pretty distant and doesn't seem all that interested in maintaining our "siblinghood" even in the face of our current distance. But what worries me even more is how he seems to be growing increasingly close to her. Even though she has a boyfriend already, she enjoys flirting with my "big brother" and dragging him along with her when she needs to go places. What's worse is how he seems to entertain and humour her willingly, plus he's so nice and caring and friendly to her, but so distant and uninterested in me, his own "sister" type person. Generally, he asks her questions and they get talking all animatedly, and he acts really interested in the things she says, but to him it's like I don't exist. This really worries me bc it's like all my fears of his abandoning me are finally coming true. Even though he did reject her once, it sure seems like he likes her better than me. I've asked him multiple times why we don't talk as much as when we used to sit together and he says it's bc he's busy and finals are coming up. However in class he doesn't even bother talking to me most of the time, but he's got no problem engaging her in conversation and talking all animatedly to her and acting all interested. It's like I don't matter to him anymore, and that really makes me sad -- bc more than anything else, I miss our sibling bond. I miss my "big brother" and how we used to be. Basically, I just want to ask: should I be worried about his abandoning me? Should I give up hope on us ever being "everyone's sibling goals" again? Should I just give up on him and admit that I've lost him to the other girl, or should I remember his former reassurances and have faith that he'd never ditch me and it's really just finals-related stress? What should I do??? Please advice; I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Every time I see them speak it pains me bc it's like he doesn't love me any more. :( Thank you so much. Love, Rach. PS I don't think I have any romantic feelings for him; he's just my "big brother" type person (whom I feel strangely possessive towards).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (26 February 2017):
Have you actually read what you've written?
Try it! In fact, read it out loud and pretend someone is saying that to you.
What is all this siblinghood s**t? Maybe there are past personal traumas that you have experienced, and if so, I am truly sorry. This fear of abandonment by one of your friends, to your other friend is just f**king weird!
Yes, it can we hard when there is a social shift, but he is still your friend, and you are 19, not 7!
Get new friends, get a hobby, get a life!!!!!
This bunny boiler crap is only going to drive people as far away from you as possible!
SERIOUSLY!
It's horrifying!
(And yes, I can hear you saying, 'But you don't understand our relationship, BLAH BLAH BLAH...' You are being a psycho. Stop and be a friend!)
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Sweetie he is not a possession. You treat him like he is only allowed to be yours. You are jealous of him talking to this other girl which suggests to me that you like him as more than a brother. Why can he not be friends with her and you? I don't see the problem. My guess is he has become distant because he can see you are possessive and no boy wants that in a friend. If you are like this over him having another friendship what would you be like if he actually got a girlfriend? You cannot go through life looking at people as possessions that belong to you or you will end up being alone. If you want to try and mend your friendship then ask them BOTH to hang out with you. You can actually all be friends and not think there is a competition.
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