A
female
age
36-40,
*ostgirl21
writes:Okay so my boyfriend and I have been living together for a year and I recently got a job where I make enough money to be able to afford an apartment by myself. I told my bf that I want to move into separate apartments pretty soon and he totally flipped out. I'm not breaking up with him, but I think I need to experience living on my own before we actually get settled for the rest of our lives. I just turned 21 and he is only 19. I just feel that I will regret not having my own place and living like a housewife without the ring until we do get engaged! Any advice because I don't know what to do or how to do it if I do!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): If that's the case, then you're far better off living on your own, that's the only way you'll get some space and have to answer only to yourself!
Best of luck
Phil.
A
female
reader, lostgirl21 +, writes (14 October 2007):
lostgirl21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so I talked things over with my boyfriend and told him that maybe if conditions improve with us living together that we can keep on doing so. However, now more than ever, I just really want my own place. Anytime I go out, I let him know where I'm going and then the next day he gets angry with me for going out!! He tells me he wishes I wouldn't go out so we can spend more time together. And my response is I told you where I was going, who I was going with, now stop telling me what to do! AM I WRONG?? That was the last thing we said today and then he just stormed out of the house. I feel like I am living with a baby!! He's so sensitive. I mean I'm at the point where I just wish he would break up with me so I wouldn't have to hurt him. I don't even want to break up with him yet. I just want my own space and not have to answer to anyone!!! Please leave me some feedback!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): I also believe that you should do what you want and get your own apartment. Did you 2 just live together to save money or was it to be together? Is he perhaps upset because he cannot afford to live by himself and needs your financial assistance? Does he have low self-confidence and is afraid that he will lose you? I can appreciate that possibility because I had always had low confidence as far as relationships go. After our divorces, my wife and I dated for about 4 years before we decided to live together. I'm not saying that you should wait 4 years, that is just what we did. Anyway, we slept together probably 4 nights a week during that time and probably 5 or 6 for the last year. She finally moved in with me and we got married 2 years later. We also dated other people.OK, this is just my opinion from the experience of both my wife and I. We both got married the first time to our first true "loves". I was 22 and she was 24. Not exactly real young, but neither of us had ever really dated another person. I think that it would have been better for both of us if we had dated more people. Maybe our first marriages would have been to someone else and would have worked out. I'm not suggesting you do that. I'm just expressing an observation about my life. Of course, my life with my current wife has been great, so I'm not unhappy that both of our first marriages failed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): If you don't follow your instincts on this, you'll most likely regret it later, and if so you'll take out any frustrations on your boyfriend.
If he's secure in your relationship this shouldn't be too much of a problem, but at the end of the day you're not his housemaid or his mother and it will probably do him good to spend some time fending for himself. He'll probably appreciate you all the more. At 19, he's probably a bit young to settle down just yet anyway.
If your relationship cracks up at least you'll have your own place to go to and you won't be homeless.
Phil
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