A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I’ve known of this guy for about a year but I never knew his name I just knew him as we had mutual friends. I will add at this point that I had (and still have) a massive crush on him. I saw him whilst I was out clubbing at the start of this year and so I went over to him and we became friends. That night him and his friends came back to mine, and we’ve now formed a group and go clubbing most weekends. The secret got out that I fancied him, and he found out that I’d been wanting to know his name for ages. As a joke I wrote his name all in my diary, and he’s seen it. As you can imagine he was quite embarrassed but we share the same sense of humour so he understood that it was a joke. The same time we became friends was also the same time he had just got into a new relationship with a girl he’d been talking to for a while. Although I’ve only known him for a few months, I’ve really fallen for him and I can’t help but like him. The thing is I don’t know if he likes me back? He’s been coming to mine when he’s finished work and he’s been telling his girlfriend he’s doing overtime so he can’t talk. He’s also gone to the lengths of saying he’s at home and sending her snapchats of his room and then coming out to see me after. Whenever he messages me he always does it off someone else’s phone and I’m guessing that he does that so his girlfriend doesn’t find out. I really get on with him, and he’s told me things that he hasn’t told his girlfriend or even his best friends. We’ve laughed and cried together and I honestly feel like I could tell him anything. I just don’t know what his feelings are towards me, because if I was just one of his friends, why would he feel the need to lie to his girlfriend about me when he’s got other friends of the opposite sex that she knows about. People have been saying that I could just be a booty Call, but we haven’t done anything sexual. Another factor that makes me think he might like me is the fact I slept in his bed with him the other day. Again nothing sexual happened apart from us cuddling. The following day we spent the day together and I have never felt as happy. I just don’t know what to do for the best because on the one hand I feel bad because I know what I’m doing is wrong, but i just can’t help my self! Can any one please help me? Am I just being led on and should I leave it because it’s a dangerous game to be playing?Should I carry on, and patiently wait and see if he splits up with his girlfriend?I’ve told him how I feel, but I’m too scared to ask him how he feels about me, so if any guys out there can tell me what might be going through his head please let me know!I feel like I’ve met the right person at the wrong time and I just don’t know what to do for the best! Also the fact that he’s lying to his girlfriend puts me off him slightly as I know this could mean he could do it to me. Should this be a red flag? Please help me xx
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 March 2018):
 Cuddling you IS cheating, OP. Secual or not, YOU ARE HIS SIDE PIECE.
You're too young for this mess. If you were anything more than a friend, he wouldn't be with his girlfriend. If you weren't his SIDE PIECE he wouldn't be lying to her.
Seriously, OP, do you really think you could trust him when you know how good he is at lying?
You're not silly, OP - of course the lying is a HUGE red flag. Patiently waiting will only show him you think it's okay for him to be with her and cuddle with you. Someday you'll get caught up in the moment and it will become sexual. It's already gone to cuddling in bed and you don't seem to realise or care that it IS cheating.
He's not the right person for anyone; he's a lying, cheating jerk. It should put you off completely, not just slightly.
You're infatuated with him, but you need to stop hanging out with him alone. It's stupid, naive and you're almost as bad as he is because you know he's not single. Don't help cheaters cheat, OP. He is a bad guy, right now - that won't change any time soon because he's getting away with it.
Let him go before it leads to something you regret.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (17 March 2018):
 I agree with N91, put yourself in his GFs shoes, would YOU think he's the RIGHT guy to be with? He does know what he's doing, he actually could write a textbook on *how to lie and deceive your gf* WAKE UP. The lengths he goes to to cover his dirty tracks show a complete lack of integrity and the fact that he has no guilt shows what a snake he is.. seriously he's is not a nice guy and if you end up with him, you'll soon be on the receiving end of his bullshit.
If it was me I would confess to his gf because I feel she needs to see what she's actually wasting her time on. Redeem yourself, he's a cheat and it takes TWO to cheat. He's a seasoned liar. Block him and MOVE ON. Stop entertaining this fanciful whim, it may be exciting and dangerous but you're doing a highly immoral thing that will hurt his gf deeply. And you won't escape the heartache either when it happens to you.. you're better than him don't sink down into the same murky waters
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2018):
 No, no no...
There is nothing "right" about all this, OP and you know it, but you are so caught up in the "my crush might like me!" that you are NOT paying attention to the bigger picture.
1. EVEN if he dumps his GF for you... there is NO way you can trust this guy. If he is willing to LIE to his GF, and share things with you he hasn't (supposedly) shared with her - at some point... he will DO to you what he DID to her.
2. HOW would you feel if you were the GF? And your BF acted like this twatwaffle? Are you seriously thinking "UH HE IS A GOOD GUY!!" ? What kind of "good guy" dallies around behind his GF's back, lies to her and straight YOU along?
3. JUST because you haven't had sex yet doesn't mean that isn't what he is hoping for.
4. You think he isn't LYING to you too? Seriously? If he can lie so blatantly to his GF whom he has known for quite a while... he can SURELY put more or less ANYTHING past you as you REALLY do not know him.
Are you OK with being "that" girl? The one who go chasing after guys with a GF?
Use some common sense and consider the saying "do unto others as you would have them do to you" and take another look at this guy AND your own actions - what do you see?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): Everybody keeps saying once a cheater, always a cheater. I just wanted to point out that is NOT TRUE in every case. It is important to note this.
Although with this one I would worry just because he is so young and not ready for a commitment so he is going to be playing the field until he is ready to settle down. IF EVER. If he is the same age as you, that could be years from now. Also, once they start cheating this young, they begin a pattern that may continue into adulthood and may repeat itself even when involved in a serious relationship or when they get married. Your guy friend has very low self esteem and is insecure in himself. This is why he needs to find adoring women to prop up his fragile ego. Why would you want a man this weak? You would always be looking over your shoulder wondering what other woman he is playing the same game with?
This guy is not a good candidate for a long term, committed relationship. I fear he will grow up to become a serial cheater. He has been sharpening his skills with you and possibly others. Just because he is starting so young. Not all young men his age cheat on their girlfriends. And if they do just one time, they might learn from the experience, chalk it up to stupid youth and obliviousness, and then never do it again. It can happen. It does not mean they will cheat again and again.
He will smooth talk you and sell you the person he wants you to think he is. That is the way they operate. If he is an asshole and scum bucket to your face, you will run away, right? He wants the sex. So, he will do whatever he has to do, be whoever you want him to be, to get it. Guys will go to great lengths my dear. My married lover has remained with me for 5 years because I am good in bed and he loves having sex with me. It has destroyed me emotionally because he will never leave his wife. Just like this guy who is wanting to play around with you will never leave his GF. You are in for a world of pain if you keep deluding yourself with this fantasy. I wish I had never gotten involved with this guy. It kills your self worth and self esteem and makes you feel like a worthless piece of shit. An unpaid prostitute. Never good enough for a real relationship where he would choose to be with you. He has now even told me he loves me to keep me because he knows I am getting tired of the situation. What woman wouldn't get tired of being a secret sex doll? If a guy lands the I LOVE YOU on you, then that is a sure sign he is a scum bucket trying to extricate sex from you and manipulating you and misleading you in the process. That hits a woman right where she lives. AND MEN KNOW IT. At least those who are evil and cunning and practiced at womanizing.
Why don't you try telling him you will only have sex with a man who loves you. Watch him lather on the bullshit. I would be curious if he actually says I LOVE YOU!!!! LMAO
Sweetie, get the fantasy out of your head. He is not the man you think he is. He is only trying to convince you he is because he wants to have sex with you. Period. Nothing more.
Think about how you would feel if you were his GF. You would always worry he is capable of doing this to you behind your back. And that is no way to live. I KNOW from experience. It causes you anxiety, stress, panic attacks and sleeplessness. You sink into deep depression. I don't want what happened to me to happen to you. Reality is harsh and punches you in the face. It happened to me once I realized that this situation was never real. I only convinced myself it was but it was a nightmare waiting to happen all along. And all along, every step you take will lead to your destruction if you allow him to use you and abuse you.
Get out now. NOW, while you are not deeply in love with guy. Because now you are just infatuated. Once love hits, you will be beyond repair.
I sure do hope I have helped you. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): I'm going to keep this short. But what about his girlfriend? If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you. Have a conscience! It's not good starting out as young as you are, taking whatever you want without regard for whether the person has someone or not. If he cheats and lies, he's a loser.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): He’s doing things with you that he shouldn’t be doing if he has a girlfriend. So that’s an X on him as being a good man/good boyfriend. Fail.
You could justify it by saying it’s because he really likes you and wants to be with you... but then why isn’t he breaking up with her completely and getting together with you....?
Fail.
Sounds like he’s a two timer looking to see what he can get away with. Two girls, one of whom knows everything (you) and still wants him? What an ego boost for him.
Sorry. My advice is to find a guy who is good boyfriend material, someone who is respectful to the relationship and to you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 March 2018):
 Yep, the red flag is waving and you are dancing with the devil. You already know he's not really a good guy! He lies to his girlfriend, is emotionally cheating and leading you on. Does a good guy do that? Think for a moment if YOU were his girlfriend. Would like what he is doing? As you have said, if he does it to her, what makes you think he won't do the same thing to you??? He will sweets...get over the crush and see him for what he really is deep down inside. A lying cheat.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 March 2018):
 It couldn't be a bigger red flag.
He is an absolute lying, deceiving sleazebag and the lengths he's going to to hide his interactions with you is frightening and shows he lacks a clear respect and boundary for his relationship.
If he cared about you there wouldn't be another GF in the picture would there? Think with your head, take off the rose tinted glasses. If he feels for you then why is he going back home to a GF and sleeping with her? He is a womaniser, he knows exactly way he's doing and he gets a kick out of it or else he wouldn't be doing it.
I'd be pretty damn sure the second that you give up sex he will be disappearing as fast as he arrived with some crappy excuse regarding his GF.
Put yourself in her shoes for a second, would you like it if your BF was doing this with another girl? I very much doubt it so it's pretty interesting that you're enabling his behaviour.
Talk is cheap, actions are what matter and he's showing you in front of your own eyes the lengths he will go to to hide his sleazy ways. If you get any deeper I can guarantee that you're the one who's going to get hurt here. He's in a relationship already and youre his bit on the side.
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