A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:How do I get over this overwhelming feeling that I'm just not good enough? I'm going to be 18 this year and I'm just sick of always feeling this way about everything.1) I'm the middle child in my family, and this may sound really cliqué but it's true what they say about the middle child being emotionally neglected. Don't get me wrong I love my brother's to bits they're my best friend's, but when it comes to attention, my older and younger brother seem to get it all. It's always been this way, well ever since I became a teenager at least. I know my family love me, but I just seem to always be put last or forgotten about. No encouragement or gratitude or sympathy from anyone. Don't get me wrong, I'm a rather emotionally independent person (I prefer to deal with stress by myself) but it would be nice if my family even tried to show they care. Idk maybe I'm thinking too much into this but I don't know how not to.2) There's a guy who I can say I'm in love with. We've become friends and I think he knows I have feelings for him and by the way he acts he may reciprocate some feelings. Problem is, once I like a guy, no once I fall for a guy, I completely shut down. I've always been so terrified of rejection that I just don't let myself into situations where it could ever happen. In other words, I've never told a guy how I feel because I'd rather he never know than he know and not feel the same, or for things to change between us. This means that I've never gotten anywhere relationshipwise. I've never dated or had a boyfriend because I never allow things to get serious enough. It's like my subconscious is trying to protect me from getting hurt, but I end up hurt anyway when that guy then leaves and finds someone else. The main fear I tend to have is whether the guy just wants to have sex with me, because I have started to treasure my virginity like I never did before. I want my first time to be with someone who wants to be with me, before and after we have sex. It's a lose-lose situation that I want to get out of but I don't know how. Because I don't want a guy to just use me for sex, I won't let any guy in at all, assuming they're all the same, which is wrong.3) I refused to apply for university at first because I didn't think I was good enough to get into any (I didn't tell anyone this reason though).But I've been accepted to all of my choices which I didn't think possible.My point is, how do I start seeing myself as good enough in all contexts? (It's harder than I thought)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Well done for getting accepted in to all courses, you need to look at the good in that not the bad. Don't be shocked, you obviously worked hard to earn that, now you need to choose the uni and course you want and focus your future on that.
It sounds to me like you are normal when it comes to a guy you like. I would imagine 80% off girls are the same. You are not even an adult yet, so plenty off time for dating. Good for you holding on to your virginity. It really is the smartest thing to do, wait until it is with a boyfriend. Who treats you well.
If you feel ignored by your family talk to them. It seems they are just unsure how to help you as they probably look at you and think you have it all together and you are a smart young lady, if you have questions or need help then talk to them.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 January 2017):
 First of all, big congratulations on being accepted by ALL the universities to which you applied. WTG girl! That is SOME achievement. Work hard while studying and you will achieve those grades as well. You would not be there if you were not capable. In my experience, girls tend to mature sooner than boys and also to be more independent (generalisation, I know, but that's the way it seems). If you are naturally self sufficient, your parents may not realize you need more attention from them. I am sure they don't love you any less than they love your brothers, especially as you are the only girl. They probably just think you are doing ok and don't need as much input from them as your brothers do. Could you sit one or both of them down and tell them how you feel? Regarding the relationship scenario, try to see boys as humans. They are no different to you (except for the obvious bits). Make friends with them, see them as individuals, then relationships will develop much more naturally. Good luck at university. I am sure you will have a great time and do well.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 January 2017):
 1) I'm sorry you feel neglected. It's not easy wanting attention from your parents - believe me, I only have a younger brother and I see the major favouritism. However, it's possible your parents see you as more capable or closed off than your brothers, thinking you need less guidance or want less involvement from them. Try opening up and asking for their help/input.
2) Being "in love" is mutual, so you're actually just infatuated. Try to keep your feet on the ground, acknowledge that it's a crush and go from there. If you're allowed to date, ask him out for coffee/lunch.
3) If you get into a university, you will be good enough, if you put the hard work in. It's not easy and a lot of people underestimate the workload, but you can fight for what you want.
I can't tell you how to believe you're good enough because I haven't figured it out for myself, yet, but I will say this: acknowledge the small victories. Make little goals for yourself and only ones that are achievable. Don't set yourself up for failure, but do try your best at everything you do, even if there's a (safe) risk involved.
Good luck and well done for being accepted by universities!
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