A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm slightly upset and I should not know if I should be.It was my boyfriends birthday. I was laid off, but I had saved some money for this occasion. He knows this, and he is aware of my financial situation.Firstly, he wanted something very specific. He wanted a chocolate cake (made from scratch), and a specific EXTREMELY difficult and time consuming dish from my country (that is his favorite but I had never made before) Of course I agreed. Also, since most of my money was going to buying the ingredients, I decided to make him a handmade present (he gave me a handmade present on Xmas) which would be less expensive and I thought he would appreciate the gesture.A few days before,he jokingly said of how much he wanted a watch and said he was hinting at me for his birthday present all in good funI felt bad, because I really did not have the money for the specific kind of watch he wanted. So, I did some odd jobs here and there, and got him a watch from amazon. The day fo his birthday I spent 8 hours on the kitchen, producing a fully decorated cake, the meal with all its trimmings, and his gift (the watch). He loved the meal and the cake, and loved the watch.I was ticked that he said that he was a little sad that I had not gotten it engraved, and asked why I hadn't...I said they charged me on the hundreds. He said he felt like an as** for asking.This morning I saw that he had looked up the watch on my amazon account (the thing says when I bought it, and how much)So yeah, Im a little sad..his attitude overall. I was super tired and my legs hurt from all day (circulation issues), and I asked him if he could please rub them a little bit,he refused and said it would pass, and went to sleep.Maybe, Im being too spoiled, I did feel a little hurt at his remarks. Am I being stupid? I feel I am! But I cannot help feelign hurt!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Hmmm...that does change things, now doesn't it?
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (28 April 2013):
To be honest I think you are both suffering some miscommunication here. We all like to show how much we care for our partner but hopefully the reality is that we already know and an expensive gift is not necessary. You both sound stressed over this and are looking for fault that doesnt exist. Its time to make a pact now that you spend x on future gifts!!! In fact the best gifts are unexpected. And nothing beats that kiss in the morning with an I love you!
Its time to kiss and make up and put this nonsense behind you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): For clarity's sake, I was extremely grateful for the empanadas and chocolate cake; They were delicious. I was also very excited for whatever you had made me... but you know and I felt that what you had done was already enough. As far as the watch is concerned you kept asking what I wanted. I gave you hints to several things... I don't understand what I did wrong. It really did not matter. I've already said as far as the engraving was concerned it was a stupid thought that escaped my mouth. I already know you did not have much money to spend and I hate you spending anything on me. All I've ever asked from you is communication. (I do not understand why I have to sift through dearcupid to find this to talk to you). I worked 80 hours from Wednesday to Wednesday and my first day off was my birthday. It didn't matter that you were not able to make the cake and food for me until 2a the following day... It did not matter that when you said your feet hurt at 3a, when I had to go to work at 8:30a, I was willingy to rub them... I DID RUB THEM. I even asked if you wanted me to. You refuse to ask for things.. instead you said, "they hurt", and gave other hints... I obliged... I don't understand where this is coming from.. This continues to be an issue. Why not just be honest and direct with me. The whole watch gift has been an 'indirect' mess.. I already told you I did not want anything.. yes I wanted a nice watch, but you did not have to overextend your means to produce one. I love my gift, but in all honesty.. seeing you so sad hardly makes any of this birthday worthwhile. I keep trying to talk to you and cheer you up, but I don't understand what you want me to do... Why am I here trying to understand what is going on?
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Um, you're not the one who's acting spoilt here. Most mature adults I know wouldn't ask for anything for their birthday and would be very happy and grateful for anything they got. At the same time, I think it's fine to ask if you want something specific, but then just ask straight out, don't joke or hint about it.
I think you did too much for him. A cake and handmade present would have been fine. Or the dish and a shop-bought cake (or no cake) and a handmade present. But not cake and dish AND watch. He asked for too much and I can't believe that he would even mention engraving. I really think that if someone gives you something, especially when you know that person is on a budget, even if you don't like it or think it's not enough, you hide your feelings and thank them. Honesty is not the best policy in such a case. I've received presents that I didn't particularly like and would never have bought myself, but I always thank people and accept the gift. If I were given a watch, I would never dream of telling the person who gave it to me that they could have had it engraved.
Looking the item up on Amazon could mean two things. He was either checking the price because he felt guilty that you might have spent a lot of money on him, or he wanted to make sure you weren't being cheap. If it's the latter, he is a materialistic ass.
As for his refusal to rub your feet/legs, he's obviously a selfish person. I don't think you should be so eager to please him in the future. I understand that you love him and wanted to make his day special, but he was just thinking of himself. If you do too much for him and allow him to get away with doing little or nothing for you, you will quickly become a doormat.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 April 2013):
I think sometimes people don't realize how serious your financial situation is when you've been laid off and what hoops you jumped through to make his birthday special.
I don't think you're being stupid. I think you have the right to feel hurt. He isn't coming off as very appreciative, especially with all you went through to make his day. Honestly, I wouldn't have ever thought about getting his watched engraved anyway. It's not like it's a wedding band, jeez!
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (28 April 2013):
 He doesn't sound very appreciative of all of the effort you went through for him, even if it is his birthday. I don't think it's right of him to do what he did. He should feel like an ass and should for a while.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): The way you described it, it wasn't nice of him, that's for sure.But I wonder why did you act like this?He asked for a difficult-to-make cake. You said yes.He asked for a difficult-to-make dish. Again you said yes.He joked about a watch, you took it seriously and went for it.I understand that you love him and you wanted to please him. But you have to consider your limitations as well. I'm sure he understands. (If he doesn't, well, you don't want to be such a guy's girl, do you?)You could simply say yes to the cake request, promise him that you would make the dish later, and ignore the watch (since he was only joking about it)By the way, the fact that he looked the watch up may mean he was feeling sorry for what he made you do. If you're not sure of his intentions, don't make assumptions. Talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I think he is a control freak and manipulating you. You are obviously a very kind person who puts others needs in front of your own.
We only have a limited time on this planet and seek out those people who are willing to invest the time and care in you that you really do deserve. Very best to you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (28 April 2013):
Angry might be too strong a word...irritated. I'd be irritated, but not hurt or sad.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (28 April 2013):
I can't say I blame you for feeling put out, though I wouldn't be hurt or sad. I'd be angry.
A birthday is not an occasion to run yourself ragged. Instead of silently and franticaly trying to meet his expectations, you could have simply reminded him that you were on a tight budget and that he better appreciate whatever he gets. You don't have to sound angry, it could have been said half jokingly. If you had, he'd have been tripping over himself not to offend you.
Allow him to feel like an asshole. He's earned it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): Well, your boyfriend sounds a little bit on a dark side. Knowing that you have no job, he still is asking you for watch. That's very thoughtless, you should tell him that you have no money for his present because you are OUT OF WORK.
Cake and meal was plenty enough. And also the fact that he asked you about engraving, nd after you told him you already spent all this money on his watch, he went ahead with checking if you told him the truth. That sounds even a little creepy. Good and loving boyfriend would ask you not to spend money on Him knowing you don't work. Feet rubbing I wouldn't care that much. My husband hates doing it , and refuses very often, even when I was pregnant.
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