A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Man I feel like such a pussy typing this up. But I dont want to ask any of my buddies.Two years ago I dated this girl for about a year and a half total. I broke up with her for a couple of reasons, mainly selfishness on my behalf, I wanted to party and hook up with other girls. The break up was really bad for her. She really loved me, and was really emotional. I really regretted breaking up with her after (about half a year later), as she is definitely the sweetest girl I have ever met. I really hurt her and led her on for a while after the official breakup...Anyways a few months after the breakup (6 mnths) she gets into a relationship with another guy. I continue doing my whole party thing. However I was never able to get her out of my head.Over 2 years later I get word that she has broken up with that guy. About a month after this, I randomly meet her at a bar one night. We kiss, talk a bit, she ends up getting emotional and I walk her home. The next week we hang out with some friends again and we kiss again and she tells me about how much she missed me etc.We begin chilling frequently at school (last year of university), but nothing romantic (no kissing, hugging etc..) So at this point its been about 2 months since we re-met. I decide I have to get the ball rolling a little bit..So I start being super nice to her all last week. Anyways so this actually ends up working and we start getting a little closer over the week. We end up kissing more frequently and begin acting like a couple. I take her out for dinner, it goes well. Today things begin to go downhill...we have a talk about "where this is going."She basically talks about how badly I hurt her in the past. She tells me that she missed me the whole time in her previous relationship and that she only got together with this guy to try and replace me...She went on about how the reason her old relationship began was because of and she broke up with that guy because of me. But even though I'm back in the picture she wants time to be free of a boyfriend.But she also says that she is emotionally unstable right now, and isnt ready for a relationship.She wants to keep me around as a friend until she is ready for an actual relationship.She makes specific references to wanting be free over the summer to party with her friends and travel a bit (all to places like Cancun, vegas etc.)She says she loves me and is doing all this because she isnt ready and needs time. But wants to keep me around so she won't lose me since she wants to "end up" with me. The problem is, I feel hurt that she doesnt want to get back together. I also feel sorta used in that she wants to keep me close enough to get back together whenever she's ready. I also dont like the fact that a primary motivation for her to be free is so that she can party all summer....I dunno, I feel really messed up right now :confused:Oh yeah, and assuming she was ready to start something after the summer there is another problem. I'm a soldier and heading away for a year. There would be no way to for a relationship during that time period.Am I going to be hurt by this over the next year overseas?What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, kissing, period, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot for all this advice years ago. I actually used a couple of these sentences during a "talk"I think in May of 2009 we had a big talk, I used alot of the advice from you guys. I got through to her, she ended up agreeing with me and we got back together. I was so happy. Things went great, like I said she's a real sweetheart.Anyways, a year later April 2010 I went back to my old ways, as discussed in my original question. I preferred partying, cheated on her several times... She was right to be hesitant about a relationship with me.I knew we had to break up, but to be honest she was just such a sweet girl I couldn't do it. It would have hurt her so much for me to pull the same stuff I did years before....especially after me convincing her that I'd changed. I tried to make her break up with me: didn't let her come to my going away party (cheated on her that night too), didn't give her the set of dogtags she'd begged for, and there was other stuff too...pretty much just being a dick. But she still wouldn't leave! I went overseas April 2010, felt terrible leaving a girl alone thinking we were still together. I ended up breaking up after a patrol where I got access to facebook for a night. Even then she tried to fight it...Anyways it was a pretty horrible thing for me to do overall...I think the important thing is for anyone reading this is dont take anything too seriously when your young. I was 21 and a serious relationship was not for me.As well I see my motivations at the time clearly now:-she was beatiful and sweet. I'll probably never get a better looking girl.-i didnt want to be alone before I went overseas (sex)Ill be happy to answer any questions.
A
female
reader, Jaydee...Rawr  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 The person who has previously posted a comment is basically what I would put...maybe she does really like you still but needs to be certain that she does not get hurt again...I dont think she would be willing to get back with you if your going to leave for ages, that would just upset her knowing she wouldnt be able to see you, have a heart to heart with her an tell her your feelings im sure you will get a reasonable responce x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Hears the question if you don't spend time with her now then when will you be able to she's going on vacation like Cancun, vegas etc. Your going away for the winnter or most likely longer than that. Have you told that your leaving and that the summers the only opening for you guys to spend time together. If nothing happens now then your wasting your time with her. Not only that but you have no promiss that she wont meet a guy over brake and get seriouse with him. Tell her if our relationship doesn't form now then it may not happen with everything thats going to be happening. If she gets with another guy does she still expect you to be her friend. Maybe you can go on summer brake with her just as a friend, but it will help your relationship to grow if not look for a new girl. I would tell her if nothing happens then we don't happen as a couple.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really need some more advice, I just wanted to add in that her friends are telling me that her last relationship was sufficated and she needs time off. Even though shes already had a couple months.
I dont know please help..
...............................
A
female
reader, Jaydee...Rawr +, writes (5 May 2009):
I think that she just wants a relationship when it suits her and she is expecing you to wait for her to stop having one night stands in the holidays... I no it may be hurtful but you need to make it clear to her that even though you love her you arent going to let her treat you like crap and make you mope around after her, I no you must really love her but she obviously doesnt love you as much back if she is willing to keep you waiting until she has had a taste of different lads in the holz...try talking to her and explaining that you dont want to be led on by her, either she wants you or she doesnt, hope ive helped, good luck x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): I don't think I would go into that kind of relationship as the rebound guy stuck in the friendship zone. You should give her the option to be with you know or not at all, because of everything thats going to be happening. If she chooses not to be with you move on, and if she does, then there you go.
You need to tell her how you feel, that you wheren't ready for a relationship then and it was a time to be free, but it was the wrong choice, because you should have chose her, because you love her. If your ready for possably marriage in a couple years, tell her that to. If not then you may want to step back and review everything. Just assue her that she means the world to you, and that you want to spend your life with her. If shes comitted to this then so are you.
...............................
|
