A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I really need some advice for my best friend. She has been in a relationship with this guy for some time and its her first sexual relationship. A few days ago it was his birthday and she gave him a little surprise... he's always wanted a 3-some with one of her friends (not me btw). She knew it wasn't such a good idea but it's what he wanted and she would do anything for him and he would do anything for her. Well, on his birthday he got his birthday surprise... but after a while my friend realized this was wrong and asked them to stop. Her friend and her boyfriend carried on doing 'stuff', so she went downstairs and watched TV. She thought that her friend and boyfriend would get the hint and stop but after 10 mins she realized they didn't care much. So she went back upstairs. To her horror, her boyfriend was giving her oral! My friend ran downstairs crying and shaking like crazy. She called me up and asked me to come over. (which I did) her friend went home (thank god) but her boyfriend stayed. It was probably the most awkward moment of my life being with them, but I couldn't leave her. My friend is soooo upset still, but doesn't know what to do about her boyfriend. She isn't talking to him and is ignoring his texts and calls. She also isn't talking to her friend. She is thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend but doesn't know how to react with her friend...Need some help here, Thanks :) x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): OUCH. How messy. And she asked them to stop and they didn't. What a poor naive girl. Urgh. I've never been in that particular situation before but the empathy I'm feeling is horrible. You said that he would do anything for her, and yet, he didn't stop with the threesome thing when she realised it was wrong and even continued to give her friend oral. I think your friend should break up with her boyfriend and take some time to recover from this lesson. As for the friend... urrrhh. I don't know what to say. This situation as you have described it is so complex without knowing the full story. Did you friend have to persuade her friend to do it, or did she happily agree straight away? If she happily agreed, then there is something wrong with that, especially if she didn't stop when her friend asked her to.Seeing as you've already been dragged into it, you'll have to make the best of your position. I'm really not sure I know enough about the her guy and her friend in question to give valid advice here. Speak to him to find out his side, he may feel sort of betrayed that his girlfriend gave him this "present" and then changed her mind at the last second. In that case, let him know that your friend did it because she wanted to make him happy, but then realised that it was not a situation she herself was happy with. If he respects her enough, he will understand this. He may feel like he did get caught up in the moment and made a terrible mistake. In this case he needs to know that he will have to make up for it, and that if he really loves her he should keep trying. He will have to be patient though, and wait until after your friend has gotten to the point where she feels she can talk with him about what happened. If he can't be patient, then they aren't meant to be.Urgh. This was a horrible, messy situation, and hopefully you friend does learn from it. She is lucky to have a friend like you to support her while she does. Just make sure you stay strong and don't get too bogged up in it aswell :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Firstly, why is this any of your business? Because your friend needs you isn't a good enough answer. This is a big drama that your friend created and, frankly, an equally big betrayal by your friend -- 3-somes require trust, discretion, and your friend broke that trust with not only her BF, but her friend. Remember, she arranged this (!), and then dragged you into this "ackward" situation. You say your friend would do "anything" for her BF? That must include revealing intimate, deeply personal behaviors, again that she created?! Know what is going to happen? A few weeks will go by, and she'll resent that you are involved. Advice to you: back off this drama train. Tell your friend to be discreet and work out between the three of them. (You might want to ask why they didn't ask you to join the romp -- I think I'd be offended LOL:)).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Yes, I agree with LazyGuy. Dr. Drew says that 3somes almost always break up relationships, and it's not too hard to see why.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): First off: She needs to make sure the story gets told right. Give the boyfriend a chance to speak and hear him out, but make it clear that he needs to be completely honest. There is nothing worse then people who keep changing their version of the story. Maybe he was so caught up in the sex that he didnt notice his gf left? Maybe he thought she was going to get ice cream and have food sex? You never know what he thought until you hear him out. As for the friend, I have high standards when it comes to friends behavior. They need to be loyal at all times. Give the friend the same chance to speak, that is if she's actually asking for forgiveness. If the friend isnt then leave her and dont speak to her unless she makes contact first. You dont want friends who is willing to screw your boyfriend anytime anywhere, with or without you, thats suspicious. Same for the bf. If he wants to have it on with your friends (or that particular friend) thats telling me that he's desiring her. At the end of the day though, this is a lesson for her to be learned. If she can't handle the negative outcomes of a 3-some, and if she's not prepared for the worst case scenario, then she shouldn't have ever agreed to this. If everyone is sincere abut what happened, agree to not do it again and try to put it aside. If he loves her he wont try to get a 3-some again out of respect that it didnt work out well when they gave it a try.Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, pursued +, writes (5 May 2009):
 shes shoudnt have started that in the first place, her own fault. Id say gather a bunch of girls together and knock the living hell out of the friend, but thats just me. As for the bf if she can let go, then let go. If shes too whooped then more to power to her suffer some more xD
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 May 2009):
 And that people is why you shouldn't do 3-somes until you are REALLY REALLY REALLY ready, or don't give a shit.
Most people just don't want to share their toys. MINE, not YOURS not even for a second.
Isn't that part of love? To want to be with someone forever. Not be with someone and his best mate for the weekend.
Not much to do but see it as a lesson learned. Oh and better prepare her for this getting back to any future guy she is serious about who is then going to ask, why he ain't getting the same.
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