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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago today. She said she needed her space. I violated that space by sending her mails VIA internet. I realize that I totally messed up, and I let her know that. She said It's good that I realized that I messed up but it doesn't change anything. I am now in the process of giving her space. I feel like it is too late though because I can tell she is upset with me. Her brother and I are close friends, and he told me he would let me know when it is okay to come over and hang out again because he and everyone else there miss hanging out with me. I feel that I have messed this up beyond reconciliation. As I said, right now I am going to give her space and not contact her at all unless she contacts me first. Is there ANYTHING at all that I can do to fix the things that I've messed up so terribly? I know for a fact that I have pushed her even further away by invading her space. But I still do not want to give up. Also, when I go over her house to hang out with her brother and our friends. How should I act? Should I remind her that I am sorry for invading her space? Or should I just let her be the one to spark conversation. I feel very horrible for violating her need for space. Please let me know if there is anything all that I can do to mend such a messy breakup.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 January 2006):
 I must admit to not being too sure exactly how you viloated her space if you only sent her emails? Or did you send her mail somewhere?? I'm a bit confused here as I can't see what you've done wrong and on the basis of that, I would say she's making a big deal over nothing and for you to move on and if you want to hang out with her brother, to do so without worrying about her.
However, I will work on the idea that you have done something that has upset her and that you wish to do all the right things now. You are doing everything correctly by allowing her space. You have told her how you feel and there isn't much else you can do.
If you go over to her house and she is there, just be polite to her, ask her how she is but allow her to talk to you about anything. Tell her that you are there if she needs to talk and this will then allow her to respond if she so wishes.
You could write her a letter, explaining how you know you did the wrong thing, why you know this and explain the steps you would take practically and emotionally to avoid it happening again.
You are making all the right moves by allowing her space. The rest is up to her.
I hope this helps.
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