A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. We're long distance, had disagreements on a lot of things that we couldn't compromise on and decided to end it. Since then we've kept in contact and at times it feels like we're still together. The idea of us getting back together if we can sort out our problems has come up several times. Lately I have been the one bringing it up because either he wants to try to work on things (there were never major issues that we couldn't fix with caring and effort on both sides) or he doesn't. I think 4 months is an ample amount of time to know if you want to give it another shot. I want to move on if we aren't going to work out and frankly don't believe in being friends with exs and he knows that. He goes out every weekend and doesn't want to tell me what goes on, talk about girls he met out etc. I respect that since we are no longer together and it isn't my business. The problem is this- he doesn't want me to go out and when I do, he thinks it's reasonable and within his rights to ask me questions about who I went out with, did I meet anyone and so on. If I were to ask him the same questions, he would either shut down and not respond or yell at me.I sent him a text this week saying he either wants to work things out or he doesn't and while I would be open to trying again, if he can't see it happening soon then I'm going to start dating. He told me he doesn't want me to date anyone else and while he can't actually tell me not to go, if I do go then it will end all chances of is getting back together. I have recently met a guy around my age who lives in the town I work in and we have been talking. I went out for a drink with him and really enjoy his company. Of course I have not shared this with my ex since he could be doing the exact same thing and not telling me. I almost feel guilty for getting on with my life because he is under the impression that I'm not dating. I feel like he enjoys the idea of having someone sit around and think about him while he can go out and do whatever with whoever. I feel he is almost trying to control me and keep me on a leash while he makes up his mind if I'm "worthy" enough for him. I also want to add that he rarely initiates conversations and relies on me to keep us communicating. He doesn't want to talk on the phone or skype. He can go days without responding to me and when I wait to respond to him, he gets annoyed and says he can take a message. I'm just so confused why if he doesn't want to talk much or get back together why does he feel the need to control my dating life? He told me he hasn't written off all possibilities of us getting back together and that we're just in a "weird spot" right now. I feel like he's playing a lot of games with me. I would appreciate any opinions/advice on this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): Yeah, my guess is he's got someone else on the go and he can't take the stress of the guilt of it, so he's keeping you quiet on a back burner and waiting to see if things work out with the other woman. Why on earth you put up with his emotional blackmail is beyond me ...you're not allowed to date or he'll never accept you back. He's a control freak. And not even your boyfriend! Just shut him out of your life and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): I agree to put yourself first. He is an idiot imo. Do what you want to do and live your life. He has no right to demand anything of you. Start dating and don't hold your breath. My guess may have been he cheating from the start since it was ldr.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 November 2014):
 Instead of WAITING for your BF to make this decision, how about YOU decide for yourself if you are willing to try again or not.
If you ARE willing, then tell him I think we should try and work this out, you have 30 days to figure out if you think so to. Because 5 months is a BREAK up not a break.
The thing is though, I think he is stringing you along. He is going about his life like he is single, going out and seeing/talking to other girls ALL the while he EXPECTS you to sit at home and wait by the phone... Double standard if I have ever seen one. And NOT fair at all. (on you).
He is playing games. It's called MANIPULATION. He is withholding what you want. A clear answer. As long as you "behave" and DO what HE wants you to do, all is fine. BUT when you do NOT read his mind to contact him when HE thinks you should, it's not.
I would (personally) end it. And date someone NOT LDR. Someone who is there and WANTS to BE with you. Not be "single" but have a GF when THAT is convenient.
PUT yourself first here, honey. ASK yourself WHAT do YOU want? Not what does HE want or HE think?
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (10 November 2014):
 My advice would be to move on. Let him go. Stop sitting around waiting for him to make up his mind whether he wants to work things out with you.
You are right, if he still doesn't know whether he wants to be back in a relationship with you after 4 months, he most likely doesn't.
Don't let him stop you from getting to know someone else special.
Tell him that things have ended and you'd like to move on and date other men.
Best of luck to you!
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