A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I was with my boyfriend for 9 months. The relationship ended because I pushed him to move in with me and he was clearly not sure. I was patient but then he decided to end it with no reason as to why. He never formally did this - just cut me out of his life.My housemate dates his sister and it has made things awkward. I spend a lot of time with his sister and it makes me feel awkward to say the least. I was hopefully he would be mature enough to leave things on good terms and I have tried to clear the air and talk to him, but he has simply blocked me. It is not just me - i have now found out this is a pattern in how he treats people - including his best friend of over 10 years who he just cut out his life over a small argument. I found out he had found someone new within 2 weeks of us splitting up. She even looks like me, although in personality and lifestyle a much better match. He is all over her with the compliments on social media and I feel like a fool in front of our mutual friends. My housemate his it from me he had moved on, out of kindness to me, and also to avoid further tension. But, I feel like this ex and his sister and my housemate have enabled his behaviour.I am so angry! Firstly, because he told me he was serious about me etc. and I feel he lead me on. Luckily I called him out on it by asking for more commitment than he was giving otherwise he probably would have strung me along for much longer. He cut all communication with me and I found this difficult to handle. I don't see why this was necessary as I completely accepted we weren't right for each other. I am glad we are no longer together as the way he ended things to me shows he is not the kind of guy who would make a good long term partner for me. It annoys me he has found someone new so soon, and that to me shows he was never really that into me in the first place. It also makes me feel I am utterly replacable and a guy will just go on internet dating sites with all the new girls out there why bother to have a long term relationship with me? This is going to sound childish I know - but I am so annoyed he has been rewarded with some great new girl whilst I am single!I don't like feeling like this. I am working on myself and seeing my friends etc. but it has hit me hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank you so much for the advice it has been really helpful to get perspective on this. One some further detail I would like to give: We were in a committed relationship, he had no problems asking me to be his monogomous girlfriend. Around 5 months in he told me in future he was looking to live on his own and buy a bedsit. My gut told me this was not good news so I followed it. I at this point I questioned him further. I asked him about his life goals and where he saw himself in 5 years time- he didn't have any and didn't know. He went AWOL for two weeks then came back reassuring me that he needed time to think through what he wanted in life, and was now sure that he was also looking for a long term relationship, that involved perhaps living together in the future. I (cautiously) believed him. He then started to back off emotionally from me until disappearing completely. I would never ask a guy to move in together that early, or bring this up, or put the pressure on - for a start, because it would mean me moving and I am a home owner and happy. To be honest I'd sort of taken it as a given that things would head that way if it went well given we are both in our 30s and surrounded by our friends settling down. Given he got a new girlfriend so quickly, and he asked her to be monogomous, like me, early on before he knows her, and based his choice on her looks and the fact she likes watching football and drinking. I am upset by what this has meant for my relationship with his sister and my housemate but am going to try hard to make amends and also get over him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): "But, I feel like this ex and his sister and my housemate have enabled his behaviour."
OP don't put this on them, they're not responsible for his shitty behaviour and they most likely are not happy with how he's done things and the position he's put them in either.
OP he hasn't been rewarded with anything, she'll probably figure him out in time too and he's in his 30's and still hasn't stopped being a shit to people so he'll always have trouble forming long lasting relationships with any real durability.
Break ups are tough, but you will move on you have to block him on everything though. His posts won't show up on Facebook if you block him so do that.
As for closure, OP, you have it. This need you have to talk to him so you can feel it's not you that's the problem is irrelevant, it's time you stop putting this on yourself and understand that you were with an asshole and you're better off without him.
OP it's very clear who the wrong one is here, I don't understand how you can feel you're replaceable when you were dating a guy with serious commitment issues and a total lack of respect for people. I mean look at how he deals with life, he just runs away and cuts people off. Imagine spending your life with a guy like that, it's a nightmare scenario.
Get rid of the idea that somehow talking and getting answers are something that will sooth your ego, it won't, he'll probably just put everything on you because it's how people like that work.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (29 March 2014):
 Since you've learned what a creep this guy can be (is)... shouldn't you be jumping for joy that he is now out of your life?????
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): I'm sure it has hit you hard and I feel for you, but I think you tried to move it too fast. Maybe, if you'd waited longer to have asked him to move in, you'd have realised his real character before considering such a huge, serious commitment.
I don't believe it's all your fault though because you may have pushed him too soon, but he's made a pattern of this.
Give it time and be patient; you will move on from this. ALLOW him to cut you out; he's nothing to you any more.
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