A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it ok to go to watch a show at the theatre with a man that isn't your boyfriend?. What do you think about that?. I don't know if I want to date this guy, and I don't know if he wants to date me. I'm also not sure whether I will get back with my ex boyfriend or not. It's all so complicated!.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 March 2014):
 Its a night at the theatre, no big drama. Unless your using the date to make your Ex jealous?
You need girl time not complications.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (29 March 2014):
 Then why don't you stick around with your "gal-pals", only, for the next six months. Then, come back to this site, bring up this submittal, and see if it hasn't answered itself for you?????
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): Before a guy is your boyfriend, what do you do? If they ask you out, are they instantly considered your boyfriend?
By all means! You're single; so you should see a show with a man you're not committed to; even if he isn't your boyfriend. Especially; if he's not somebody else's guy!
Stop sitting home alone waiting for calls from your ex.
It could be a turning-point in your love-life. It's kind of weird refusing to go out unless a guy is your boyfriend. Keep that in mind when deciding when it's the best time to have sex.
He only asked you out for a date. Test the possibilities before you go back to recycle your old boyfriend. The ex is an "X" for a reason. Give yourself a chance to explore your options. Don't fear the unknown.
What makes you so sure your ex wants you back in the first place? How much has he changed? How much have you changed?
The odds are highly against reconciled relationships working the second-time around. You may as well take your chances with someone new. Experience new surprises and feel special. You're now a novelty. He knows little or nothing about you; and can't anticipate what you'll say, or do. That's the fun in dating.
I'm going to give you advice along with any other single lady reading my comments. Especially those of you over 30, or just getting back into dating. You're the ladies often cynical and jaded. So you need this advice. I sense that in "your" post.
Enjoy the company of men without seeing every suitor in terms of your potential boyfriend or husband. You're putting the cart before the horse. It is also a sign of being needy and desperate. Sampling what the dating pool has to offer gives you a better perspective; and it also lessens your sense of urgency. You'll want to dabble, and see how close you can come to what you really want in a man.
Haste makes waste. Idiots race to the alter. It gets you to the divorce attorney's office that much faster.
You and the man who has invited you to a movie are going on a date. He has not by any means decided you were his girlfriend, he is simply interested in getting to know you.
If you get sidetracked on your race back to your ex; fate must have sent that guy your way to keep you from getting run-over by a bus.
The first date is an introduction between two people. The next date, is just Part 2. It is a continuation of the introductory stage of your connection; and you are evaluating each other for compatibility and opening yourselves to possibilities. If a guy offers you an extension of Part 1, you go girl!
Remember, it is undetermined if he likes you, and he definitely doesn't love you. Time spent online and sharing messages does not count as "time-served." You don't know squat about the guy. I'm speaking in general now.
It is too early to attach real feelings. Not too early to feel fond of the person, and decide it is desirable to see more of them. The more he's interested, the more you sense your own value; and it's a boost to your self-esteem. You deserve it. You've been through hell and back,ladies.
Don't lap-up too much sweet-talk, don't make plans regarding kids and weddings. Keep conversation light and about the present. Guys who talk a lot of crap about kids and marriage are bullshitting you. Telling you what you want to hear. He may want it. Not necessarily with you, or in this century!
What are his interests? Where did he go to school? What kind of foods does he like? What kind of stuff does he like to read, or what's his favorite way to relax? What color are your eyes? If he can't remember, his eyes were always below your neck. That's good too; but he should know your eye-color.
Stay away from talk about your pain and suffering. keep your dark crap to yourself. It's a date. Don't drill him like you're doing a job interview. You want another date! There is plenty of time to cross-exam the dude. Make him like you, and keep your ropes and nets hidden from view. You're not hunting!!! You're dating, girlfriends!
If you are lucky enough to be invited out for a third date,
the guy digs you. He really enjoys spending his time with you; but it is still too early to attach your feelings. Guys are slower at exposing or declaring our feelings aloud.
If I hear just one more stupid comment about "sparks" and such, or "soul-mates" I'll nuke the moon! He's just a date.
Exes versus new prospects is a warn-out subject. We all have to give ourselves a break from the past. Exes are the last resort. Making friends with them, is another subject I don't want to talk about. Most people have ulterior motives behind it. Let's not go there.
Third date? This is where the ladies start thinking they have a relationship. Wait until he asks if you'd like to be exclusive, and start seeing each other. Go ahead and initiate this process; if you feel bold enough. Just be prepared for him to flee. If he's not ready, his fight or flee instinct kicks in, and he'll sprint for the hills.
Just a warning!
Who says the guy has to initiate this stage? No one.
Take a shot. Guys deal with being shot-down or rejected a lot better. We get a lot more practice. That's all. Go ahead, if you're a very strong female and guys rejecting you won't hurt your feelings. More power to you.
Recycled boyfriends are predictable. There is this thing about secondary-memory. You always store your bad memories with your exes in the back of your mind, waiting for them (or someone else)to repeat those things that really tick you off. You also watch them out of the corner of your eye, wondering how sincere they are about getting back together. You're expecting something new, from something old. That's dumb.
You also have to decide how much you can absorb of their activities during the gap between your initial breakup, and the time you got back together. There may be other people in-between. Your recycled-ex may want to stay in-touch with ladies he met; in-case you're still the same old annoying you. They sometimes keep a extra on-hand. Like another beer hidden in the vegetable crisper. That's for the times you act-up and show the old you. You're doing your best to hide your horns and tail; and pretend you're now the new-and-improved you. If he knows how bad you want him back, he won't try to change.
So before you pass up golden opportunities with someone who could be just the right guy for you, know exactly what you're doing.
Most of the time you want your ex back; because you don't like the feeling of being rejected by them. Your ego was hurt; because they made you feel you weren't good enough. You didn't like them having the last word, or deciding the fate of the relationship. You also don't like the feeling of knowing they're with other people. Love has less to do with it than you may think. Sometimes it's a matter of pride.
You go on that date, and have yourself a lovely time. Put your ex in the back of your memory, and let him sit there.
You are going to introduce yourself to another gentleman and test the possibilities. You are the master of your fate. You are going to add your own influence to your destiny, and open-up your love-life to choices. You are not going to just settle anymore. That's what dating is for.
I hope you like the guy and he likes you. If things don't workout, then go back to the recycling-bin and settle for
something you find predictable, and less of a challenge.
You have no obligation to remain faithful to an EX. No more than he has any obligation to be faithful to you after your breakup.
I wrote this for your benefit; and to help ladies thinking what you thought, but didn't ask!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 March 2014):
 I think it's fine going to show with a guy who you aren't sure you want to date or not. You could make it clear to this guy that it's JUST an outing as friends.?
BUT if you are hoping to reconcile with your ex, going on an outing OR date with another man might not be the smartest thing ever.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 March 2014):
It's called dating because you don't know what you want and are figuring it out.
Once you figure it out you can call yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): Firstly I think it's absolutely fine for a young single lady to accept an invitation to the cinema or theatre with a man who is not her boyfriend .... provided she is properly single. If you still had a boyfriend or were "taking a break" from a relationship and are expected not to date other people during this time then it wouldn't be acceptable. It would be considered cheating.You describe you boyfriend as your "ex" and say you aren't sure whether you're going to get back with him. Why are considering getting back with him? Has he actually asked you to get back together or is it something that you are expecting/hoping will happen?If you ARE hoping to get back with your ex than I would tread with caution about accepting invitataions from other men because, if this new guy has asked you out, he's probably interested in dating you (after all, an invite to the cinema/theatre IS a date) and nobody likes to feel used or that they were just somebody's "stop-gap" until something better came along.In addition, if you did end up getting back with your ex, you may find he's a trifle unhappy about you having gone out with other men in your time apart even if "it didn't mean anything".
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