A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm writing because I need advice, perspective.I met a guy over 1 year ago in Toronto. It was a friend of a friend and a roommate at the same time. Not long after he moved in (we were 3 living in a house), we hooked up for all the wrong reasons (him being sad over another girl). One thing led to another, the relationship evolved and we were, what I felt and he told me, pretty much in love with each other.After a couple of months, he decided he wanted to leave the city for many reasons, and I decided that I wanted to be with him, so I followed him.Once we were in this new city, I have to say that the situation wasn't easy for me, I wasn't very happy there. And the relationship deteriorated every day. We had fights over the simplest things as food, laundry, cleaning. The main issue was money, since he wasn't working, and I was spending all my life savings. During this time, every time we had a fight, he would get really mean to me verbally, telling me things like I was ruining his life, that I wasn't a priority in his life, that he never liked me, that he didn't feel connected to me while having sex, that I didn't please him. During the whole year we were living together, he kicked me out of the apartment a couple of times, and asked me back again. He would also push me around, and brake something in the house and make me clean it. If I cried, he would tell me that I wouldn't get his sympathy that way.All this things, I believe, made me really vulnerable and emotionally dependant on him.Now, I've been living in a different country because I needed to take distance. Since I was here, we talked and connected very well. Now he works all the time, has no apparent problem in life.Me,on the other hand, feel really guilty for not being fair to him. I feel like I should have stick around more and give it time. I feel like I've lost the most important person in my life.I feel like I don't deserve his love. I can't get over it.I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, sexi  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Hi
Reality check!!!!!
He doesnt deserve you and your love. He is crazy for treating you the way he did. He saisd such mean things to you and you still wanna go back. Arent you feeling anything? I dont think he should treat you the way he has and how have you forgiven him for what he has said to you? You gave up your life, packed up everything just to be with him (when you moved) and he still didnt appreciate that. Why do you wanna go back? I think you deserve someone better that would appreciate your true worth and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.Be strong and stay where you are. If you give up everything and you go back to him and he becomes that mean monster again what are you going to do? I think you should think very very carefully before you make a decision that uyou are bound to forget for the second time.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
A
male
reader, TomWilkinson  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 This was an abusive relationship, where YOU are the victim. It's very common for the victim to feel that everrything is there fault, which you mustn't do. Getting back into this relationship would be a serious mistake. You did nothing wrong here, AT ALL. The fact he is working means nothing, all that will happen is he'll get home from work, then the same arguments will occur. Pushing you around is bad enough, but what's next? Anyone who can push a woman is capable of beating them in my opinion. DO NOT go back into this relationship, and please try hard to not feel you are to blame. So many women go through what you did and feel it was their fault just like you, and a lot do not learn and go back into a sad, tortured life. You are already free, don't ruin your life by going back to him.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (22 November 2007):
Women are so good at blaming themselves when a relationship goes sour.Girl the guy just wsn't ready to live with you and couldn't handle the change of lifestyle and being jobless added to his confusion and directed all his anger to you.Don't you see things improved after moving out and being apart?You guys need time apart and need to slow the moving in thing and let it build slowly.Don't feel responsible for his actions.He just couldn't take things as a man.If you really love him,talk to him about how you feel and what you want but think hard.He could be the kind of person who can turn out abusive when he's got a problem.
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